


Crowd Control

by owl_bones



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: ;), Gender-neutral Reader, Multi, Multiverse Theory, Rating May Change, Reader Is Not Chara (Undertale), Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), Reader-Insert, Reverse Harem, Slice of Life, because i love puns, no beta we die like men, reader is a baker, reader makes puns, self-indulgent nonsense, so now you have to too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2020-06-24 08:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 55,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19719961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owl_bones/pseuds/owl_bones
Summary: You've been housemates with the skeleton brothers for a while now, so you like to think you're used to their shenanigans. You're unflappable. Nothing could possibly surprise you. Lo and behold, Sans manages to do the impossible and now you're stuck dealing with his mistakes. Your house is MUCH too small to house all his cousins and yet, here you are, an unwilling guest at his "surprise family reunion". You're either going to have to find a bigger house or get used to sharing a room... but only if you manage to not kill each other first.





	1. How We Met, the Long Version

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Skeleton Squatters and the Landlady](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9816140) by [Tyrant_Tortoise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyrant_Tortoise/pseuds/Tyrant_Tortoise). 



You wake up to the sound of Papyrus downstairs, no doubt flitting about the kitchen preparing breakfast. It takes you another good fifteen minutes to actually get up, then another ten spent staring at the wall before you manage to get the motivation to stand up and make your way to the bathroom.

One of the weirdest days of your life has just begun.

You pass Sans’ door on the way over, shut tight. He’s no doubt still asleep, and if you focus you can just make out his soft snoring on the other side.

He’s been staying up late the last few weeks, staying out well past when you and Papyrus go to bed and returning sometime in the night. He usually wakes up right around when you do, but lately he’s been sleeping in and napping more frequently. You can’t help but wonder what he’s up to, but he’s an expert at dodging your questions.

Even Papyrus can’t get it out of him, and he’d tried every trick in the book. Just last week the tall skeleton had staged an intervention, sitting Sans down on the couch and trying to convince him to “return to his _usual_ lazy ways and nap at night, not during the day!” Sans had seemed to take it to heart, and had read Papyrus a bedtime story right before disappearing into his room. You didn’t see him until the next morning when both you and Paps got up, but judging by the dark circles under his eyes he most certainly hadn’t slept as much as the two of you.

But now it’s a Saturday, and you’re determined to let Sans get the rest he deserves. If he was going to throw himself into whatever he was doing, a strange deviation from his usual “minimize effort, productivity be damned” behavior, you were going to support his sudden motivation. Even if it was just keeping Paps quiet for a few more hours.

You make your way downstairs in your pj’s, and are instantly greeted by the smell of oatmeal. Your stomach grumbles, alerting the resident chef of your presence as you step into the kitchen.

“Ah! You finally awaken, and just in time for the most important meal of the day!” Papyrus greets you at his usual volume, gesticulating with a wooden spoon that tosses bits of oatmeal across the kitchen. You grab a wet rag from the sink to clean it up.

“Still working on the waking up part, but I’m certainly ready for breakfast.” You respond in a quiet voice, hoping Papyrus picks up on the hint. He tilts his head in question at your tone, but responds in kind.

“It’s the kind with dinosaur eggs!” Papyrus’ whisper is only just around normal talking level, but it’s an improvement.

“Only the best from the greatest artisan chef in the world. Dish me up a bowl?”

Papyrus lights up, always eager to share his cooking. You’re just thankful he’s gotten out of the habit of cooking breakfast spaghetti for other people and hoarding the oatmeal to himself. The oatmeal is always great, the spaghetti... hurts your stomach just thinking about. “Nyeh heh heh, but of course, friend! But I have to ask- why are we whispering??”

“Wanted to let Sans sleep in a bit, ya know?” You take the bowl gratefully and dig in. “Never thought I’d say this, but he’s been working a lot lately and deserves the extra rest.”

Papyrus sets about cleaning before sitting down to eat. He gets through a few dishes before speaking again, surprisingly quiet even for his whisper. “He _has_ been working hard lately. Normally I would applaud that he’s started giving 110 percent effort, but... I think 110 might be too much for him? Maybe just 80 would be good? Or 90? Perhaps 99.” Papyrus has paused in his cleaning, and you tap out a rhythm on your bowl with the spoon.

“I agree. He needs to find a balance before he burns himself out. He’s been working himself down to the bone.” You smile innocently as Papyrus turns slowly to pin you with the most deadpan expression he can muster.

“Just because Sans has been too busy to fill this house with his dreadful jokes doesn’t mean you need to pick up the slack.” He sounds annoyed, but you can see the smile pulling at the edges of his teeth.

“Mmm, I dunno. What’re you gonna do if I continue? Take me to the punitentiary?” You can definitely understand why Sans puns so much. Papyrus’ reactions were the funniest.

Papyrus levels you with another dead look before turning back to the dishes. “I’m not even going to dignify that with a response. But if you truly want to make yourself useful in Sans’ place, I’d recommend you pick up the living room. He left it a bit of a mess last night.”

You pose dramatically and whine, “But Paps, I can’t pick up the whole living room!”

“Why ever not?? It’s not that bad-”

“It’s too heavy.” You know you’ve really done it when your tall friend puts his skull in his hands and gives a drawn out groan. You laugh. “Sorry, I’ll give the puns a rest. I’m not the resident comedian, after all. I can clean the living room in a bit.”

“I appreciate that, roomie! Usually everything’s a mess because Sans is messy and too lazy to clean, now it’s a mess because he’s messy and too busy! How the turns have tabled.”

You give a snort and hand over your empty bowl to Papyrus and lean on the counter. “He’s never even washed a dish.”

“He’s never even washed a dish!!” Papyrus agrees, voice raising in volume. “Or picked up that sock in the living room! Or vacuumed his room!”

“Aw, bro, it’s too early to air out my dirty laundry like that.” You jump in surprise at the sleepy voice at the dining table, and turn to face your shorter housemate.

“Morning, sleeping beauty.” To be honest, he looks more like a sleeping beast. The dark circles under his eyes are still prominent, and you’re pretty sure he’s fallen back asleep sitting up.

You await a response, but sure enough, he starts snoring softly instead.

“Really, brother? You decide to grace us with your presence and can’t even be bothered to be conscious? You might as well just stay in bed!”

“You always have the best ideas.” Sans doesn’t move even the slightest. You half expect him to start snoring again.

You take a seat next to him and lean onto the table, giving him a wry look. “Well? You gonna go nap some more?”

Sans mumbles something, and you lean a tad bit closer.

“What was that?”

“’s too far ‘way.” He repeats a little louder.

Papyrus heaves a great, long suffering sigh, finishing the last of the dishes and grabbing his own breakfast.

“You just gonna sleep at the table, then?”

Sans just makes an “mmmmmmm” sound, head lolling backwards.

“Truly, if you’re _this_ tired you _should_ just go back to bed. You can come down for lunch in a few hours.” Papyrus sits down across from his brother but doesn’t start eating. “Well?”

“’s too far ‘way.” Sans repeats, finally cracking open one eyesocket to regard you. He manages to look amused despite the exhaustion written all over his face. “Carry me?”

You snort. “You have the gall to ask me to carry you when you could just teleport straight into bed?”

Sans nods, his grin widening just a bit. You can’t help but smile back.

“Fine. But only because I pity you and it’s good for my ego.”

The first thing you’d noticed about Sans when you moved in was how short he was. Compared to Papyrus, who’s around 7 feet tall give or take, Sans only just comes up to his chest. This means he’s prime size for hauling around like a sack of potatoes. Still, despite being short, he’s built much stockier than his lanky brother. This would usually mean that Sans would be too heavy to carry around easily; except that he’s a sack of bones, not potatoes, and doesn’t weigh as much as a human of his size. He still weighs more than you’d _expect_ for a sack of bones, but definitely light enough to be manhandled.

You enjoy carrying him around for the illusion of being a strong firefighter carrying someone to safety (or something like that), he enjoys it because he doesn’t have to move. Win-win.

You pull him onto your back and hold him under the knees, giving Papyrus a wink as you march out of the kitchen. You can hear Paps sigh dramatically as you walk away.

You carry Sans up the stairs to his room, his forehead resting on your shoulder enabling you to hear his quiet snores. You have to juggle Sans for a moment as you work out opening his door without dropping him, then proceed to just drop him unceremoniously on his bed when you finally make it in. He continues to snore even as you walk out of his room and close his door.

When you return to the kitchen, Papyrus is now setting about cleaning yours and his dishes. It only takes him about a minute, and you wait patiently for him to finish and turn around to face you.

“So.” you begin. “It’s gotta stop.”

Papyrus nods. “Indeed! He’s going to pass out at an inopportune time! Or, stars forbid, he might start _sleepwalking_ again.”

You follow Paps into the living room and collapse onto the couch next to him. “Was it that bad?”

“It was terrible!!” Papyrus crows. You shush him gently, pointing up towards Sans’ room. He quiets down, surprisingly tired looking himself. “With any other monster it’d just be a nighttime nuisance, but with Sans he inevitably ends up using his _shortcuts_ and then I’m left jogging after him ALL night and we're both EXTRA exhausted and grumpy in the morning and it’s awful!!”

You make a sympathetic noise and pat his knee. “Yeah, that sounds pretty awful. But what can we do, really? If he’s working hard, it’s gotta be important, right? Or his workplace is understaffed or something.” You think for a moment, perplexed. “Where _does_ he work?”

Papyrus throws up in his hands in a shocking display of annoyance. You’re getting a lot of uncharacteristic displays of emotion out of the usually unrelentingly positive jogboy today. “I don’t know! Whenever I ask about his work he just says it’s ‘wacky sciencey stuff’ and he ‘won’t bore me with the details’!! If I wasn’t _interested_ I wouldn’t _ask_ and yet he acts as though I’m only asking as a courtesy! Really, how many brothers out there don’t know what their sibling does for a living??” You’re startled by his impression of Sans- it’s spot on, really. You weren’t aware Papyrus’ voice could go that low. “It’s ridiculous! He’s _always_ hiding stuff from me and thinking I don’t notice! How could I not notice?? I’m his brother!!” Paps’ knee is bouncing at such a rate you think he’s about to drill a hole in the floor.

You grab his face and force him to make eye contact. “Hey, hold on, it’s gonna be okay.” You go to squish his face lightly, then remember he’s made of bone and it does nothing. “We can grill him when he gets up, alright? For now, we can try to calm down and try to enjoy our weekend. Getting worked up isn’t going to solve anything.”

He sighs and pulls away, sinking into the couch. You have a feeling this has been annoying him for a long time, and he’s managed to bottle it up until now. “I know,” he says. “but it’s nice to talk about it for once. I try to be positive for him, but then it just ends up making me more annoyed later!! And he’s so good at dodging my questions...”

Hm. When you woke up this morning you hadn’t expected to be counseling the two brothers, but that’s what you seemed to be heading towards.

You decide Papyrus needs a pick-me-up. “We can talk about that with him too. In the meantime, wanna work out what we’re doing for lunch? We can go through the cookbook and find something new! Or watch some recipes on YouTube, you love those!”

Papyrus thinks about it for a minute, chin held in his gloved hand as he deliberates. “Yes, that sounds nice! I think I recall seeing a recipe for some kind of weird lasagna made of burritos!!”

“An enchilada?”

“Maybe!!” He’s already up and bounding into the kitchen, reinvigorated and ready to go. You’d just finished breakfast, but you figured an early lunch would be worth making Papyrus happy.

You take an hour working through the recipe with Papyrus, making sure his ideas for additions to the filling and sauce are edible and work flavor-wise. Sans still wasn’t up. You take another hour actually going through the kitchen and making sure you have all the ingredients at all, then working out substitutes for the ones you’re missing. No Sans.

It’s after the third hour, when you’re just finishing up and watching the timer tick down on the oven when Sans appears. He looks a bit better, but still clearly exhausted. He’s also... weirdly sweaty, and there’s a strain to his grin you weren’t expecting.

“Heyyyyy guys!” Sans’ enthusiastic greeting is accompanied by finger guns, and when you and Papyrus just stare at him he just sweats a little bit harder. “What’s up?”

You furrow your eyebrows. “Dude, are you okay? You look like you just witnessed a murder.”

Sans snorts after a short delay. “What? Nooooo, this is just... I... my room was really warm, and... I drank a coffee. When you weren’t looking. So I’m jittery.”

You shrug. Maybe he’d teleported to Starbucks or something. You turn to Papyrus to ask him how the enchiladas are doing to see him giving Sans an appraising look. Sans looks particularly nervous under his gaze, and you have a feeling he’s about to break when there’s a clatter somewhere... below you? 

Sans leaps into action, grabbing your arm and leading you towards the door. “I forgot! To tell you!” With that inflection, you’re now surprised by how similar Sans can sound to Papyrus. “I’m going to be making dinner, and I need some extra ingredients. Stuff we don’t have. I need you to go to the store.”

“Right now?” You ask. Sans grabs your wallet and keys from the hallway table and shoves them into your hands.

“Right now.” He confirms, looking at you expectantly.

“Ok... ay.”

You both look at each other in silence.

“What are the ingredients?” You ask.

Papyrus has followed the both of you out into the hall, and you think you can see stars in his eyesockets. “You’re making dinner?? You never cook!!”

“Yup. Making dinner. And I need... uhhhh, I’ll have to check the recipe. I’ll text you when you get there. Thanks! Bye!”

You’re shoved out of the house with startling speed, and turn to stare at the door for a moment. That was weird.

You decide that Sans must’ve been nervous because he’d heard your talk with Papyrus earlier, and wanted to cook to apologize. Or maybe he’d decided to speak to his brother on his own, and wanted you out of the house for the privacy. Either way, you’d give him the space he clearly wanted.

The store isn’t too far a drive, and you’re thankful to see that when you get there Sans has already texted you a list of items. It’s longer than you expected, and some of the items are strange. You try to figure out what he’s cooking based on the ingredients, but they all seem so random you can’t piece it together.

Guava, avocados, couscous, artichoke, pomegranate, turkey, fondue cheese, the list goes on. Some of this stuff is pretty pricey, too.

You manage to get through most of the list without trouble, and are surprised to find that Sans has texted you _more_ items with a ‘sorry, forgot to mention these :(‘. You’re more surprised that he didn’t add a pun, but he’d been in such a rush earlier maybe he just wasn’t in the mindset for it.

You spend altogether a whopping _two hours_ wandering the store trying to complete the list, backtracking and switching out items as Sans texts you for different or additional things.

By the time you’ve managed to get everything he’s asked for up to that point, you’re dead on your feet and ready to be out of there. You make it through the cashier without getting another text, and it’s when you’re in the car and driving back that you hear your ringtone. A quick peek at your lockscreen shows it’s another text from Sans, and you grit your teeth.

It’s too late, you decide. You don’t want to turn around, and Sans is just going to have to go to the store himself if he wants something else.

Unloading the car in the driveway is a hassle, but you’re determined to bring everything inside in one trip. You’ve got bags all up your arms, boxes tucked under your chin, and your hands are full, but you’re going to make it. Let Sans be ashamed to see how much he asked for when he sees you decorated like Christmas tree with groceries.

You ring the doorbell with your elbow and wait, but nobody comes. You kick the door a couple times and call out, but there’s no response again. Papyrus’ convertible is in the driveway next to your (more modest) vehicle, so he’s definitely home. You’re curious what could possibly be keeping him from answering the door.

You set down some bags to get the door open, then kick the door closed behind you after you’ve re-burdened yourself with groceries.

“I’m home, boys!” You call down the hall. There’s no response, but you can make out some chatter coming from the living room. Undyne had to be over, judging by the shouting. That’d explain why there was no answer. “Sans, whatever you’re cooking better be delicious, because this is an INSANE amount of food!” The shouting continues, unperturbed, and you sigh. They couldn’t hear you.

You start to head to the kitchen, but stop short in the living room doorway, groceries nearly toppling out of your arms. There are two, four, six… _eight_ skeletons scattered around, quadruple the usual amount. The shouting was coming from what had to be an argument, all directed at…

_Sans._

This has to be his doing, you decide. For such a lazybones, he is shockingly a big troublemaker.

“This place is _filthy_ ,” a tall skeleton is screaming. He looks startlingly like Papyrus, if Paps had raided a Hot Topic and gotten into a few fights. The skeleton gestures widely and dramatically as he speaks, indicating the whole room. “I _refuse_ to stay here any longer than necessary unless this grime is eradicated!”

A fist is banged on the coffee table, making you jump, and drawing everyone’s attention to a smaller skeleton in... what you can only describe as a very punk military uniform. “I hate to agree with _Edge,_ ” Something gives you the idea he hates agreeing with anyone, in general. “But something needs to be done about these living conditions.” There’s a chorus of agreement.

Sans shrugs in that infuriating, stubborn ‘this doesn’t bother me so it shouldn’t bother you’ way you’re all too familiar with. “We’ve got what we’ve got. Take it or leave it, pal.” That gets a couple shouts of frustration and some glares.

Papyrus crosses his arms and frowns down at Sans. “They are our guests, brother! We should honor their requests! And I can agree our house could do with a _little_ dusting. And maybe a good run through with the vacuum. And-”

“‘s not like they got anywhere else–”

A bag slips from your grip, hitting the ground with a dull thud, and silencing everyone. Eight skulls swivel to pin you with expressions ranging from mild disinterest to actual venom. You managed to free a hand to give an amiable wave.

“Hi, guys! And… guests?”

Sans actually… looks slightly panicked as he quickly snatches up the bag you’d dropped and shoves it into your arms. “Ah, you’re back! So soon! You goin’ to the kitchen, huh? Gotta go put those away? Anything that’ll melt maybe?” Was he rushing you? Oh shit, wait, you _do_ have ice cream.

“Yeah, yeah, right. Sorry for interrupting.” You pick your way through the living room, dodging limbs and furniture on your way to the kitchen. The hairs on the back of your neck prickle as the gazes follow you. It sure would’ve been nice if Sans had warned you he’d be having guests… Especially so many of them.

Thankfully the talking starts up again as soon as you make it into the kitchen, though you can just make out a bright voice shouting “who was that?” with what sounded like far too many question marks. You have a feeling the shouting wouldn’t be ending any time soon. Better break out the advil.

Putting the groceries away didn’t take longer than a few minutes, but you linger to eavesdrop for a few extra. You weren’t introduced when they first saw you standing there, but they could wait a little while longer while you got a read on the room.

“You’re _lucky_ I’m lettin’ you stay here considering the pains you’re all bein’ already.” Sans grumbles, recognizable baritone cutting through the cacophony.

“We didn’t ask for this,” the angry reply is from… Edge, was it? “In fact if I remember correctly it was _you_ –” he’s cut off mid sentence, and there are a few moments of (tense?) silence.

When the voices pick up, it’s definitely Papyrus’ that’s loudest. “Wait? You didn’t?? Want to visit us?? But I thought it was a surprise family reunion???”

Oh. Oh stars. What?? You hadn’t wanted to assume they were all related, but why hadn’t they mentioned having family before? Especially so much.

“I’m sure they don’t mean it like that, Paps,” Sans says gently. “They just wish it was under better circumstances, right?” There’s an edge to that statement, and a murmur of (begrudging?) agreement in response.

Deciding you’d eavesdropped enough, you step back out into the living room with a clap of your hands. “So! I see we’ve got company.”

Sans hesitates, but eventually waves you over. “Yeah, yeah, these are our cousins from outta town. Guys, this here’s our housemate and pal.”

You introduce yourself with another wave and are met with the same sea of varied reactions.

You jump as a small skeleton pops up to your left, screaming your name followed by a _very loud_ “ _hi_ _!!_ ” Your hand is grasped in a pair of gloves and shaken enthusiastically. “I’m Blue! It’s nice to meet you! We’ve heard good things about you!” Oh, had they?

You nod with a friendly smile. “Nice to meet you too! I haven’t heard _anything_ about you _,_ unfortunately _._ ” You level Sans with a sharp expression and he returns it with a lopsided grin. “Will you be staying long?”

“Dunno! But I look forward to it! It’ll be like a sleepover!!” Everything he says an expression of pure enthusiasm, screamed at the top of his (non-existent) lungs. As friendly as he is, you don’t think you can deal with that for very long. Hopefully he’ll mellow out once the novelty of meeting new people was over. “That over there is my brother, Stretch! Brother, come greet the human!” Blue points over to another tall skeleton in an orange hoodie, currently draped over the couch. You’re given a lazy wave.

“‘sup.”

Sans 2.0, you suppose. You decide you can work with that.

The next skeleton to approach you is… Sans’ twin. But red. When your eyes meet, his grin widens, revealing a– is that a gold tooth? He saunters up with both hands firmly buried in his jacket pockets and gives you the World’s Slowest, Sultriest, Most Exaggerated Wink as a greeting. “Heya babe,” Mm-mm, no. You’re not sure how you feel about that. “‘m Red, but you can call me tonight.” A fitting name, if not very creative.

Wait.

Did he– was he _actually_ flirting with you? Was that a flirt? Or a joke?

You give a strangled sort of laugh. “Okay?” Sans 3.0 _, the flirty edition._ Ooooookay.

Taking that as assent, Red powers right on. “This here’s _my_ brother, Edge.”

Hot Topic Papyrus stiffly extends a hand, and you take it in your own. You can feel your friendly smile losing steam as Edge just holds your hand tightly, not even shaking it. The eye contact is excruciating.

“Uh,” You say intelligently, casting a nervous glance at Sans. He just shrugs, gaze locked on Edge in an unreadable expression. “Pleasure’s all mine?”

“It is.” Edge responds gravely.

If he hadn’t said it so serious, you probably would have laughed. As it was, the chuckle gets caught in you throat as the eye contact and handshake(???) _continues_.

It’s a relief when he finally releases you and steps back with a nod, allowing… you sigh. The last tall skeleton struts forward, gently taking your hand. He looks like Blue’s brother, if _he’d_ raided a Hot Topic.

“Nice ta meet ya, ‘m Rus.”

Do all skeletons come in pairs?

Is it racist to think that?

“Back atcha,” You say, right as he shifts his grip, pulling your hand up to his teeth for a moment before stepping away and– was that a kiss? Are you going to have to deal with that, now, too?

You’d been in the house for not even ten minutes, and already you are ready for them all to leave.

“And presenting M’Lord, my elder brother.” Rus gestures over to the purple Sans from before, who was looking you up and down with a _very_ firm scowl.

“Okay now you’re just fucking with me.” You say, the words slipping out before you can stop them. All the eyes that hadn’t been on you _snap_ in your direction.

“Hey, swear jar!” Papyrus shouts, heading over to the shelf where it’s located.

Sans and Papyrus are unusual names, but as weird as they are, they fit the skeleton brothers. _These_ names just feel… fake. Like they were making them up on the spot. “There’s no way that’s your name.”

“Whether or not that is my name, that is how you will address me, _human_.” “””M’Lord””” nearly _snarls._

Oh, you are _not_ gonna take that nonsense. It’d taken ages to get Papyrus to use your name, but at least when _he_ called you “human” it hadn’t been said with such venom.

The Purple Menace stands up from the chair he’d been in. Despite his height– comparable to Sans’– he manages to be intimidating. Something about his expression and the electricity in the air shows he meant business.

“I am not calling someone ‘ _m’lord’_ in my own home.” You scoff. “Nuh-uh. What’s your real name?”

Nobody moves, but Rus seems to be standing just a tad bit closer to “””M’Lord””” than he had been just a moment ago. He still has an easygoing expression on his face, but something about his posture is just a bit stiffer.

Sans hasn’t moved, but was now sporting a smug grin. “Well? Let’s hear it. What’s your name, pal?”

Now even Papyrus was starting to look nervous– he steps between Sans and his purple clone with his hands facing out, placating. “Come now, I’m sure we can work something out! There must be a compromise somewhere!”

“What d’ya think, boss? Got any ideas for nicknames for the tiny tyrant?” Red sneers to Edge in the back of the room. Have they had this argument before? This almost feels like a big in-joke.

You open your mouth to remind him they were the same height when the tyrant in question whirls around with a loud “ _fine”._ Stomping off to his seat and taking it much in the same way a king would sit on a throne, he crosses his arms. “You may refer to me as ‘Black’. Never say I am not willing to _compromise_.” Yeah, this definitely feels like a rehash of an old issue.

That had gone over surprisingly easy, considering the tension still thick in the air. “Great. Uh. Nice to meet you, Black. Anyway. You got family business to take care of, yeah?” You say, tearing your gaze from the glare you were receiving to look at Sans.

Sans nods, eye sockets narrowed and still trained on Black.

“That’s right!” Papyrus crows, taking charge of the room and absolutely _radiating_ positive energy. “It’s a surprise family reunion!! I hadn’t even realized that we had more family, and yet! Here they are!! In our living room!! Living breathing skeletons just like us!!! Or, well, as living and breathing as skeletons get.”

Excuse me, _what?_

“Great. Before you get to that, uh, Sans?” Sans slowly turns to look at you, expression softening into his usual grin as he meets your gaze.

“Yeah, pal?”

“Need a word. Privately.” Sans shrugs and follows you.

Once you were out into the hallway, you shut the door and turn to face him.

“Okay,” You say, pinching the bridge of your nose. You can already feel a migraine coming on from the ordeal of having _quadruple_ the usual quantity of people who don’t understand the concept of inside voices. “So lemme get this straight. Papyrus. Your very dear brother for whom you would do anything. _Wasn’t aware_ you had, count ‘em, _six_ cousins.”

“Yup.”

“In the Underground. Which was an _isolated system_.”

Sans’ hands are buried deep within his hoodie pockets, eye lights unwavering as he grins serenely up at you. “Yup.”

“ _Really_.”

A single bead of sweat slides down the side of his skull. “Yup.” His smile wavers at the corners. “You summed it up pretty good there, bud. Couldn’t’a done it better myself.”

“And they’re all in pairs? With a tall one and a short one? Of opposite dispositions? Complementary colors, in some cases?” You shift to rubbing your temples as a particularly shrill shout drills into your brain.

“That’s neither here nor pair.” Sans waves a mittened hand dismissively. You manage to subdue the snort of laughter that bubbles up. You have to be strong. “Skeletons come in duos, otherwise we’d be bonely.” _No. That wasn’t funny! Not funny!_

“As…” You sigh in an attempt to avoid a huff of laughter. “As humerus as you are–” Sans’ eye sockets flatten out at the bottom as his grin widens, “– I’m being serious here. I _seriously_ doubt those are your cousins. I mean, the whole name fiasco with Black? That makes half of ‘em named after colors!”

Sans’ head tilts up at you, regarding you with a wry expression. “Are you implying my cousins are perhaps alternate reality versions of myself and my brother, displaced from their own planes of existence and dropped into ours through unknown and mysterious means?”

You blink in surprise and narrow your eyes. “I wasn’t quite sure what I was getting at, honestly, but considering how specific that is and what insane shit I’ve seen you and Papyrus get up to… sure. Are you confessing?”

Sans laughs. He actually _laughs._ “Ya know, I always knew you thought outta the box, but that’s just _plane_ outlandish.”

“Sans I swear if you’re gaslighting me with puns I _will_ replace all your condiments with toothpaste.”

That gets his attention. You aren’t sure if it was the calling him out on his bullshit part or the bit with the condiments, but at least he sobers up. He doesn’t say anything for awhile, but he seems to be mulling something over. You lean against the door frame, content to await his response. The least you can do is give him a moment to think over his issues.

Eventually he seems to come to some sort of conclusion.

“Listen… I don’t wanna lie to you, alright? It’s just. A complicated situation that I’m not, uh. Not…” He trails off and scuffs one pink slipper across the carpet lightly.

“Not comfortable telling me?” You are close, sure, but even you have things you wouldn’t tell him. You can understand that. But this? You are housemates- you have a right to knowing who was in your house and why. Particularly when some of them seem… well, rude wasn’t a strong enough word. It’d felt like you were moments away from a fight with Black before he’d backed down.

He nods, one hand withdrawing from his pocket to rub at the back of his neck sheepishly. His grin had actually flattened out into a straight line, something you hadn’t seen very often. Even during previous conflicts he’d managed to keep a steady grin (as infuriating as that could be mid-argument). “Sorry, pal. I know we’re friends but… this is really personal and I don’t wanna get into it right now.”

Your gaze softens. The fact he is even admitting it rather than keeping up the charade, despite how _obviously_ fake it was, was promising. You’re reminded of your talk with Papyrus earlier, about how Sans keeps secrets. You’re starting to understand it a lot more. You make a mental note to talk with him again about a secret keeping intervention.

You gently put a hand on his arm. “Alright, I’ll let it go.” Sans lets out a big sigh as his shoulders sag in relief. Guess he’d been more anxious about you pressing the issue than you’d anticipated. “I won’t question where they came from or their relationship to you. But!” Sans stiffens again. “I want them under control. They are _wrecking_ our house.” Your sentence is punctuated by the sound of shattering glass, followed by a lengthy silence before the shouting starts up again.

That gets you a nod and Sans’ smile slowly returns.

“I’ll figure out some arrangements, don’t you worry.” Sans is about to turn and head back into the living room before you stop him.

“Wait, arrangements?”

Sans starts sweating again. “Yeah. Uh. They have’ta stay with us for a while. They got… displaced.”

You stare at him. “This is a four bedroom house.”

Sans nods apologetically. “Yeah.”

“And six cousins makes nine people total.”

Sans nods again.

You slowly slide down the wall to rest on the floor, putting your face in your hands with a groan. “You’re gonna be the end of me one of these days, Sansy.”

“Sure hope not, roomie. Who’d put up with me then?” Sans sits down next to you, giving you a sidelong grin.

“Your brother, hopefully. What are you going to do with them all? If you put each pair in a room, that leaves me out of a place. I’m not enthused about having to room with any of them, and I can’t sleep on the couch forever.”

Sans looks thoughtful. “I don’t wanna put you out of your room, first of all. This was kinda dropped on you outta nowhere so that’s not exactly fair. That leaves three rooms, eight people. We could split up a pair? That puts a trio each in two rooms, two in another, and you keep your privacy.”

You purse your lips. “The rooms aren’t that big, especially the guestroom. Three would really be pushing the limits of each other’s patience. They seem to barely stand each other as it is.”

“Ya got any ideas, then? I’m all ears.” Sans puts a hand up to his skull, bumping your shoulder with his own with a low chuckle.

“Yeah, yeah, you don’t have any, I get it.” You hum in thought. “I’m okay with giving up my room until we can work out a better solution, I guess. Like, clearing out one of the bigger closets, or furnishing the attic space or something.”

“You could stay with me ‘n’ Pap? It’ll actually be a big ol’ sleepover at that point. He’d love it.”

You nod, considering the idea. It’s not like you hadn’t all had a big sleepover before. “That just leaves the matter of beds, then. We’ve only got three, we’ll need another six.” You check the time on your phone. “And it’s already after seven!”

Sans waves a hand, then slowly gets to his feet. “Ehhh, give it a rest, we’ll figure it out as we go along. We can get some in the morning. I’m sure people’ll survive _one_ night on the floor.”

With a groan, you haul yourself to your feet and follow after him. “It’s gonna suck.”

“It’s not that bed.”

“You’re terrible.”

“But you’re still my friend, and that’s what mattress.”

“Actually,” You say with a deadpan expression, “at this point I think you’re pillow me, and I don’t give a sheet what you say.”

Sans gives a low whistle. “Ya know, with you as my housemate, I’m living the dream. A real cloud nine we have here.” You smack his arm with a laugh, and he returns it with a wide grin. “You ready to go back into the fray?”

“As I’ll ever be. Lead the way.”

Sure enough, someone had managed to break a lamp, the glass from its base spread over the floor in all directions. There seem to be at least three arguments going at once, Edge directing some choice words at Rus, Red shouting something at Stretch, and Black… seems to just be talking with Blue, but judging by his expression, the fact he isn’t shouting is no indicator they are kind words. Papyrus is valiantly trying to play mediator to all three conversations, flitting about nervously.

You level a look at Sans, and receive the same dead-tired expression mirrored back. “They’re your cousins,” You say. “your responsibility, yeah?”

Sans heaves a deep sigh, exhaustion written all over his face. “Yeah, suppose they are. Hey, deadbeats.” Nobody reacts, seemingly oblivious. “Numbskulls, I’m talking to you.” Nothing. Sans shrugs, rotates on his heel, and starts to walk away. “Welp. Tried my best.”

It was your turn to sigh, snagging him by the back of his hood. “Please put in at least medium effort. Don’t be a chicken.”

“Chicken, huh?” Something about the smile on Sans’ face and that particular sparkle in his eyelights as he turns back to face you makes you nervous.

“Um.”

Reaching into the depths of his jacket’s inner pockets, Sans retrieves... a rubber chicken. “Where are my manners? You ever been introduced to Dave, bud?” You don’t even have anything clever to say. How long has that chicken been in there? Does he always have it on him? Why couldn’t you see the outline of the chicken in his jacket? Surely there isn’t anything else in there. _How big are his pockets??_

And where can you get a jacket like that?

You manage to keep a straight face. “Don’t think I’ve had the pleasure, Sans.”

“Let’s remedy that. Dave, say hello to my lovely housemate and my cousins.” And with a squeeze of Sans’ hand, Dave releases a drawn-out, horrendous squawk. All voices cease, all eyes turn to pin down Sans. Sans releases the death-grip he has on the rubber chicken and Dave wheezes pitifully as he re-inflates. There are some scattered chuckles and some groans.

You sigh. “Right. I’ll leave you to... whatever that was, and just go clean the guestroom. We gonna be in yours or Paps’ room?”

“Probably mine. Don’t wanna subject our _guests_ to my mess, right?” You think that might be a joke, but it’s true. You doubt very much that Edge would be okay with staying in Sans’ room, and judging by Black’s immaculate appearance you don’t think he would either.

You laugh and flip Sans’ hood up over his skull. “True! I think I’ll just hang out in your room after I’m done in the guestroom.” You make eye contact with Black, and his scowl manages to deepen. “I... think I need the space.”

You bail out and head up to the guestroom. It’s the smallest bedroom of the house, and you don’t think you’d ever seen it used. That means it was pretty clean. Aside from a thin layer of dust and a desperate need for fresh air.

You open the window and are immediately happy to breathe in something other than the stiff air. A quick run through with the vacuum and already the room looks much better. You decide to change the bedding and sheets. The old ones are just too dusty to be comfortable, and by the time you’re finished the room actually looks livable.

You’re just about to pop over to your room to grab some clothes and your phone charger when you find yourself face to chest with Rus. You look up and up and up to see a lopsided grin.

“Hey.”

“Uh, hi.” You squeak, cheeks warming.

Black steps out from behind his taller brother and appraises the room with a critical eye, followed by Sans. You catch yourself waiting nervously for Black’s decision, then realize you don’t owe him anything more than you’ve already done and cross your arms. After a solid minute of wandering through the room, he catches your eye and grumbles, “Sufficient.”

You nod. That’s the best you’re getting out of him, you imagine.

“Everyone’s tired and want to get settled.” Sans explains when you turn to him. “We’ll do some... uh, family stuff tomorrow.”

“Makes sense.” You say, then catch Black’s eye again.

“Well?” He says. “What are you still doing in here? This is _my_ room now, and I am tired and would like to rest.”

You shrug, give a mocking bow with a flourish, and disappear through the door.

Red and Edge are already in your room when you walk in, and you’re immediately regretting you didn’t pack your bag first when you catch Red eyeing your closet as you rummage through it.

“Your room is filthy, you know.”

You look over your shoulder at Edge and shake your head. “I wasn’t expecting guests. And it’s really not that bad.” You shove some clothes that were on the floor into your closet and hastily close it, hoping he didn’t notice. He definitely did.

“This is your bed, then?” Red asks in the ensuing silence.

“It’s the bed that’s in my room.” You say. “So yes.”

Red grins and falls back on it as though he’s making a snow angel. “Nice.”

You grimace, then back out of the room with your bag clutched in your hands. Sans and Papyrus’ cousins are _weird._

You catch sight of Blue and Stretch in Papyrus' room as you pass by. Blue gives you an enthusiastic wave, and you give a tentative one, then speedwalk down the hall. You need a break.

You’re grateful to find Papyrus has made some makeshift beds on the floor next to Sans’, just some piles of blankets and pillows perfect to make a sleepover nest out of. He’s got his laptop set up on a short stool, and seems to be trying to pick a movie.

“Sup, roomie?” Sans is sprawled out in his blanket nest already, looking about ready to pass out. “Everyone settled in, looks like.”

“Looks it.” You say, settling into your own ‘bed’. “So Red and Edge decided to stay in my room?”

“Yeah, Red figured it’d be better to let Black have the ‘cleaner’ room. Still, might want to keep an eye on your stuff.”

You whip your head around to stare at him. “Is he going to steal my stuff??”

“Uh,” Sans starts sweating. “I don’t know? He... I don’t know. Maybe?”

You groan and sink into your blankets, hoping to get swallowed up. “Why’d you have to make everything so complicated?”

Sans is quiet for a long time, and you almost can’t make out his response because it’s so quiet. “I keep asking myself the same thing.”

There’s a lengthy silence, and you’re startled by your grumbling stomach. You’d never gotten a chance to eat lunch, and Sans _hadn’t_ made dinner like he’d said.

“Sans.”

“Mm?”

“What’s for dinner?”

Sans’ smile freezes, and even Papyrus is giving him a flat look when you look over at him. “Uh. How does pizza sound? Delivery?”

You sigh. “Adequate.” You give your best impression of Black, and Sans winks.

Papyrus is less enthusiastic. “I would prefer a real cooked meal! You know I dislike greasy fast food like that, brother. And you had our friend buy so many groceries!!”

“I know, sorry, but we’ve got a lot of mouths to feed and it’s gotta be fast.”

Papyrus finally relents, and Sans disappears. He reappears a few minutes later with his phone in hand. “The others think it’s fine.”

“Okay, but only if you cook dinner tomorrow! I’m curious to see what you can come up with!!” 

You nod. “Same! That shopping list was nuts.”

Sans doesn’t respond, dials his phone and orders the pizzas. Within half an hour everyone’s happily set up in their rooms with dinner. Papyrus gets the movie going, and you find yourself surprisingly comfortable in your blanket cocoon with a belly full of pizza and your friends on either side.

It ends up being an animated fairytale, and Sans makes it five minutes in before passing out. You’re determined to see it through, and Papyrus is enraptured and likely not sleeping any time soon.

In spite of everything, you feel yourself starting to doze off at the halfway point.

You’re half asleep yourself when you hear Papyrus’ accusatory stage whisper. “Wait, you never cleaned the living room!!”

You fall asleep with a big smile on your face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so i finished this at 1am and didn't reread it for consistency so if anything doesn't make sense that's my bad


	2. Such Small Scenes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which i spend way too long describing a shopping trip, and you get a little closer to red

You wake up in a tangle of blankets and limbs. Sans has migrated right into your blanket nest and is sprawled across your lap, nearly entirely cocooned in a sheet. Papyrus somehow managed to get partially under you and is snoring like a broken chainsaw right in your ear, an arm looped entirely around your shoulders in a half hug, half choke hold. You’re surprisingly refreshed, and decide to begin the complicated process of extricating yourself from the skeleton pile.

It’s a welcome surprise to find both the brothers sleeping in so late. With Sans’ recent work life and Papyrus’... everything, they deserve all the sleep they could get.

You’re saved from having to carefully roll Sans off of you and wrench Papyrus’ death grip off your shoulders when the door is kicked in to reveal Edge.

Papyrus bolts up into a sitting position, resulting in both you and Sans launching off of him. Your positions are flipped by the momentum, and you end up sprawled across Sans instead.

Sans keeps snoring, and you can barely stifle a giggle that he managed to sleep through that-

“Heh, falling for me, pal?” He mumbles, blearily looking up at you.

You push yourself up on your elbows and are about to retort when he just goes right back to sleep. How on brand.

“If you are _quite_ finished,” Edge says, posture stiff, “I require transportation to a clothing store.”

You roll off Sans and sit up. “Bit early to be making demands, isn’t it? I think some breakfast is in order first.” You stand up and help Papyrus to his feet, taking the opportunity to stretch your back.

“I agree! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day! So! I’ll go get started on it!” Papyrus sidesteps his cousin and all but bolts out the door and down the stairs. You wonder if he wasn’t feeling up to another confrontation with a family member, or if he truly hadn’t noticed the constant tension in the air with Black and Edge.

Sans continues snoring at your feet.

“You seem to be woefully unobservant, human, so I’ll give you a little hint.” Edge takes a step into the room, towering over you. “None of us arrived with any _luggage_. We don’t have any extra _clothes_ , aside from what we are _already_ wearing. Now, I am not particularly interested in borrowing any of _this_ slob’s dirty laundry, so if you have any sense of _decency_ you will get dressed and give me the opportunity to do the same. By _driving my brother and I to the store._ ”

You... actually feel kind of bad. You hadn’t noticed the lack of luggage, and you’d hate to be forced to wear the same dirty clothes multiple days in a row... and they hadn’t had pj’s, either! You frown.

Edge spins on his heel and is about to stomp away when you reach out. He flinches back at your touch. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. I can be ready to leave in ten. That okay?”

He seems surprised by your apology, but quickly recovers. With a stiff nod, he trudges back to his room.

You get dressed quickly, and are about to head out when something pulls on your pant leg. You look down to see Sans has a light grip on the cuff of your pants. “Ya goin’ shopping with the boyos, then?” He trails off with a big yawn.

You stifle a yawn in reply. “Yeah. Only fair, right? I can eat when we get back. Not like we don’t have a surplus of food.”

Sans actually flushes a little at that. “Yeah, sorry. That was a wild shopping list, huh?”

“That it was. You need something, or am I free to go?” You pull back gently with the leg he’s got a grip on, and he hastily releases you.

“Yeah yeah yeah, sorry. I might tag along, meet you there and all that. Keep an eyesocket on the troupe, make sure they don’t get into trouble. Depends.”

“On if you can get off the floor?”

Sans nods solemnly. “You understand me.”

You nudge him in the side with your foot, and get a giggle in response. “Well, if you decide to stay on the floor, you should probably find your way back into bed.”

“’s too far away.” Sans holds his arms out, “Gimme a lift?”

You give him a deadpan look, pointedly gauging the distance between your housemate and his bed. He’s within arm’s reach. You back out of the room with a shake of your head, and he sighs dramatically.

You freshen up and get dressed in the bathroom, then head down.

When you walk into the living room, you’re surprised to find all the cousins assembled in... pretty much the same way they’d been the prior afternoon.

“New human friend! You’re taking us _shopping?!”_ Blue exclaims, much too enthusiastic for this early. Your smile gets a little strained. You’re reminded of having to get used to Papyrus, and in turn getting him to learn how to use an inside voice.

“Yup. My car doesn’t seat seven, but if Paps comes along he can seat three of you in the convertible.”

“I want to ride with you!” Blue declares immediately.

Red chimes in shortly after. “Dibs on shotgun!”

You resist a sigh. You will be strong. You will get through another shopping trip. This one will be fun! You’re just going to follow around six eccentric skeletons as they find clothes! How hard can that be?

Black grimaces, “I will be riding in the nicer of the two vehicles.” He gives you an appraising look. “I assume that won’t be yours.” Oh, _ouch_. He’s not wrong, but still.

Neither Stretch nor Rus try to claim a seat. Edge grabs you roughly by the collar and starts leading you to the door. “If we’re _quite_ ready, I would like to depart. We are losing daylight.” You don’t care to comment that daylight only started a few hours ago.

You dig your heels in and duck, forcing him to release you. “We need to get Papyrus first. He’s still making breakfast-”

“I am here!” The skeleton in question crows, leaping through the doorway from the kitchen into a roll, bouncing up to land on his feet. “You called???”

You still aren’t awake enough to unpack all that.

“You good to drive some of the others to go shopping? We can’t all fit in my car.”

“But of course!” Papyrus puffs up his chest. “I’m always willing to lend a hand! Particularly for family! And especially when it involves cruising through town!” He struts off to the garage, followed shortly after by Black and Rus.

You’re followed by the others to your car, where you turn and give a quick headcount.

“Yeah, uhh one of you’s gonna have to go sit in the other car.” You peek at your backseat. “Unless one of you wants to be squished in the middle, I guess.” You decide to let them sort it out and hop into your seat.

Papyrus is backing out of the garage when Red plops himself into your front passenger seat, Edge seating himself in the back. Blue gets in next to his taller cousin, and when you turn you spot Stretch vaulting himself over the side of Papyrus’ (moving!!!) convertible into the vacant back seat next to Rus. You’re glad they got it all worked out without your intervention.

Red fiddles with the radio as you back out of the driveway, and _still_ hasn’t settled on a station when you’re a couple miles down the road.

“Please, for the love of god, _pick something_.” You think you’re going to go insane from lack of closure. One of these songs is going to get stuck in your head, and you will _not_ be letting Red live it down.

“This’s all trash,” Red growls petulantly. He flips through a couple more stations, pausing at some heavy metal before ultimately deciding it, too, is trash, and continuing his search.

“I liked the last song!” Blue chimes in, leaning forward to poke his head between the driver and passenger’s seats. “It was bouncy!” It was a top 40s pop song, you think. It would make sense Blue would like it.

Red finally settles on a rock station and you settle in for the drive.

Everyone is quiet, and you catch Blue staring out the window when you glance in the rear view mirror. He looks awed, the lights in his sockets look... kind of like stars? You think that might be a trick of the reflection. He seems to be enjoying the scenery, regardless. It’s pretty cute how enthusiastic he is.

Edge has his arms crossed and is tapping a foot impatiently. He’s also staring out the window and seems very engrossed in it, but the scowl on his face hasn’t let up.

Red’s just straight up staring at you. Or maybe out your window? You can’t tell from this angle, and you don’t particularly want to confirm.

“So.” You say after a few minutes of driving in silence. “Where you guys from?”

“We come from the cute little town of Snowdin!”

But Sans and Papyrus are from Snowdin. And Paps didn’t know the cousins existed? You voice this concern, and Red is instantly looking anywhere but you. Blue claps a hand over his mouth with a quiet ‘sorry’, and Edge gives him a withering look.

“Uh, he means... we’re from Snowdin originally, but moved to the city. Paps was pro’ly too young to remember us or somethin’.” Red meets your unconvinced look and shrugs. “Not our fault Sans never bothered ta let him know we exist.”

Fair enough.

Edge huffs dramatically and glares out the window. “Truly, our _cousin’s_ treatment of us is far from satisfactory. Someone as great as I am deserves better than to sleep on the _floor_.” You doubt he was the one to sleep on the floor of your room. You’d guess that was Red, judging by the dark circles under his sockets and how he seems to cater to his taller brother’s every whim.

A few more minutes of semi-awkward silence, and you arrive at the department store. Papyrus has already found a parking space and is waiting patiently outside the doors with Black, Rus and Stretch. You park next to his convertible and head over. Blue nearly gets run over twice just crossing the parking lot, and you struggle to rein him in so that he can survive a crosswalk.

Blue and Red are absolutely awestruck by the size of the store. You think the others might be as well, but it’s harder to tell with them. They’re maintaining a stoic facade, you think. You want to break it. You’d pay real money to see Edge or Black _giggle_.

“Let’s hurry up and get on with it.” Black snaps. “I want to be out of these filthy clothes as soon as possible.” They don’t look that dirty to you, but you also don’t know how long he’s worn them for. At least 18 hours, you suppose.

“But first-” Papyrus actually sidesteps into Black’s way, stopping him from entering the store. “We have to convert your G to human money!”

You groan. You don’t want to deal with the bank! You came here to provide transportation and to go shopping, not deal with money exchange. Red, Rus and Stretch look about as unenthusiastic as you are.

“I will be handling my brother’s and my funds.” Edge says, crossing his arms. “He can wait here.” Red looks relieved.

“Yeah, uh,” you interject. “Uh, I’m gonna wait here too. I don’t need to go to the bank. We could... get a head start on the shopping, maybe?”

“Hm,” Black considers the store, then looks to you and Red. “Mutt.” Rus snaps to attention, and you can’t help but wonder what the _fuck_ is with that nickname. “Stay.” Ew, gross. How demeaning. “I expect you to already have picked your wardrobe by the time I come back. I will not wait for you.”

Rus nods, “Can do, m’lord.” Seriously, why do they call each other that??

Papyrus turns to Blue and Stretch expectantly. They look back at him blankly. This continues for a while.

“Oh!” Blue says, realization dawning much too late. “Brother, want to stay here or come with me?”

Stretch shrugs, “We can stick t’gether, if you’d like.”

His brother nods, and you split up.

Rus disappears almost immediately when you walk into the store, and while you head to your preferred section you notice Red trailing after you.

You’re sifting through some cute jackets when Red pops up on the other side of the rack and starts examining the jackets on that side.

“Soooo,” he drawls after a few moments of silence. “Come here often?”

You’re not sure if that’s a flirty line or a legit question, but you decide to take it as the latter. “Not particularly. It’s one of the bigger chain stores, but I don’t buy clothes very often.”

Red nods, “Right, right.”

The pockets on the jackets aren’t big enough to comfortably conceal a rubber chicken, so you move on.

Red follows.

“What’re ya looking for?”

“Just browsing.” You don’t think you’ll find a replica of Sans’ magical jacket in a JCPenney, but who knows? Store like this have been stocking ‘magical’ clothing to cater to their new monster demographics after the barrier went down. Maybe you’ll be pleasantly surprised. “Aren’t we here for you? You should be looking for stuff for yourself.”

A dusting of red appeared on Red’s cheekbones. “I-uh, well ya see, I was just... hoping... you’d... help?” Red’s sweating bullets at this point, and you give him a wary look.

“Really? That’s it?”

“Uh, yeah. Tha’s’it. Fer sure. Wanna help me shop?” You look him up and down. He’s got a thick jacket (very fluffy, very comfortable looking... you might need to find one for yourself) covered in suspicious stains, a wine red turtleneck, and exercise shorts. It’s decently color coordinated, but... you’re not much better when it comes to fashion. You shouldn’t be giving advice.

You shrug. “Sure dude. What’re _you_ looking for? Everything, I imagine, if you didn’t bring luggage.”

You hadn’t thought of it before, but how suspicious is _that?_ None of your new guest have anything when they arrive, Papyrus doesn’t know who they are, it seems like neither Sans nor Paps were _expecting_ them, and they’re homeless for some unknown amount of time? Your theory they just appeared out of the ether might be on to something, or maybe they’re clones and Sans wants to cover it up because-

Your train of thought is derailed when Rus appears behind you, arms laden with what looks like a few complete outfits’ worth of clothes. He sure works fast. He shoves one of the articles of clothing into your hands with a wink, “This un’s fer you.” Then he disappears.

It’s a crop top with the graphic of a pie on it, complete with the caption ‘cutie pie’. Your cheeks warm, and you tuck it away to (maybe) purchase later. It’d be a fun pajama shirt or something, you reason.

When you turn back to Red he looks like he’s having a lot less fun than earlier. “What? It suits me.” You jerk your thumb over towards the section of formal wear with a wink of your own.

“Yeah, well-” Red stops dead, then slowly his scowl turns into a smile. “Huh. That was off th’ cuff. Didn’t take ya for a punster.”

You wander over towards the young adult section to try and find some sweaters that might fit Red’s style. “It’s an occasional thing. I try to keep up with Sans, but he somehow always manages to make me fold.”

Your crimson companion scoffs. “That bozo? His high and mighty attitude’s wearing my patience thin.” Red doesn’t seem like a very patient person to begin with, but you decide not to mention that. “But I ain’t here to talk about him, so let’s consider that my clothing statement on that subject.”

That gets a snort out of you, even if you find yourself unsure about his impression of your housemate. Sans can be frustrating to deal with, sure, but ‘bozo’? He’s one of your best friends, and you don’t take kindly to petty name calling.

You hum and hold up a cobalt blue turtleneck. It’s big and soft, and honestly you’re considering getting it for yourself if Red doesn’t. “How about this?”

“If it were a warmer color I’d consider it tailor made fer me.” Does he only wear red, yellow and black? You shrug and grab the same sweater in red. He’s finally stopped trailing after you and has started to sift through clothes on his own. Most things he doesn’t seem happy with, but you start to see a pattern in his preferences after a few minutes.

If it wouldn’t look out of place in a Hot Topic, he’ll consider it.

It’s when Red’s settled on an armful of shirts, sweaters and shorts that the others finally arrive.

Papyrus immediately beelines to the graphic t-shirt display with a cheery “Hello! Goodbye!!”, and Blue is spinning in a circle, overwhelmed.

“There are so many options!!” He says in a surprisingly small voice. “How will I ever decide on anything??” Ah, there’s the volume he was missing.

Stretch doesn’t seem particularly interested in shopping, and just stands around, observing. If your first impression of him is right, you guess he’ll grab some random things as he follows Blue.

Rus magically appeared again when Black showed up, so you got to deal with their delightful interactions again. Black eyes the outfits in Rus’ arms, then nods once.

“Adequate. You noted things of my preference as well, I presume?” Black asks, picking at the hem of a shirt on display.

“Of course, m’lord. I found a few things ya might like right this way.” Rus trots off with his shorter brother in tow, and you watch them go with a flabbergasted look on your face.

“Is Rus his butler or his brother?”

Stretch shrugs. “Who knows. Might be both. He’s definitely not paid, regardless.”

Blue bounces up with perhaps the loudest Hawaiian shirt you’ve ever seen and shoves it into your face. “I want this one!”

You lower his arm with our own. “Is it in your size? Because then you can just... hold onto it. Until you pay. Get a cart, even and grab some more.” You catch yourself, and struggle with yourself to give Blue a warm smile. Just because he’s a little more enthusiastic than you want to deal with doesn’t mean you should be so short with him. You can put forth a little more effort. “The limit’s what you can afford, so get whatever you want, bud. Don’t have to ask permission, ‘specially from me. I’m just your chauffeur.” He nods, seemingly realizes that this means he has the power to pick _whatever he wants_ , then dashes off to find more colorful clothing.

Stretch starts to follow, but then stops to give you a contemplative look. “You’re a weird human.”

You nod. “It’s in my jeans.”

The scandalized look Stretch gives you and the deep chuckles from behind you are well worth the loss to your dignity.

When Stretch recovers from your terrible pun, he gives you a wry smile. “What’d the tailor say after his client fired him?”

You think about it, then shrug.

“Suit yourself.” Then he just up and walks away.

You share a look with Red and break into guffaws. It’s a long time before you can recover, and by then you’re wiping tears of laughter from your eyes.

Red’s barely managing to restrain his laughter as well, leaning heavily on a rack of skirts to support himself. “Hah, ya- ya know, that joke really had us in... stitches.”

You make eye contact with him and immediately dissolve back into laughter. Between gasps and chuckles, you manage to choke out, “That was _threadful!”_

And now you’re both back to giggling like idiots.

Maybe Red isn’t so bad.

“Jeez, you know I have a vested interest in jokes like this and yet you’re going on without me? Breakin’ my heart here, pal.” You look over at Sans through bleary eyes still filled with tears of laughter. Guess he decided to show up after all.

“Ah, put a sock in it, vanilla.” Red grumbles, sobering up quickly and straightening up.

“I’m gonna have’ta cut ties with ya or something. Show just how badly ya hurt me.” Sans is leaning casually against a shelf of folded pants and is eyeing the both of you with a neutral expression. “How’s the shopping going? Hope the others weren’t too clothes minded about the selection.”

You have a feeling Red doesn’t want to find Sans’ puns funny, but you know he does. You can see the mirth in his expression, even if he’s trying to hind it behind a scowl.

You straighten out the clothes you’d nearly knocked off a display in your fit of laughter. “Rus and Red’ve already got their stuff worked out, we’re just waiting on the other four.”

Sans nods, and looks around. You follow suit, and spot Edge holding up some faux leather leggings. Stretch is off in the distance checking out cargo pants. If you squint, you think you can make out the top of Black’s skull next to a rack of formal clothing.

“Welp, I’ll be over with Paps if you need me. We can meet up at the register when everyone’s done.” Sans disappears with a wink, and you take that as a sign to check on the others.

Wait, when did you become their chaperon? You need to stop being the mom friend. Be the fun uncle friend instead, be the enabler you want someone else to be for you. Let people make dumb decisions so you can have a fun story to tell your friends around a campfire. Wear weird clothes so people know you’re the eccentric one.

On second thought, maybe you shouldn’t try to outdo your housemates when it comes to eccentric clothes. The wardrobe that Blue’s putting together is eclectic at best, “worst of the 90’s” compilation-worthy at worst. You weren’t even aware stores still sold clothes in those color combinations.

Stretch seems to be doing better, holding a collection of cargo shorts and tank-tops.

“Oh, housemate!! Check this out!” Blue says when you get close. He holds up a holographic rain jacket, and you laugh. “It’s so colorful!” That’s an understatement, but honestly if any of the skeletons can pull off such eye catching clothes, it’ll be Blue. You think Papyrus might also enjoy some of Blue’s picks, but you already know for a fact Paps has _way_ too many clothes as it is and doesn’t need more ideas.

“Lookin’ good, Blue.” You’re glad to see they’re enjoying themselves, and can feel yourself starting to warm up with the smaller enthusiastic skeleton. “You nearly done? I’m thinking some of the others are getting ready to go.”

“Nearly, I think.” Stretch yawns and you stifle one in response. “Just tryin’ to find some sweaters that’ll fit me.”

That’s going to be a difficult task, you think. Stretch, much like Papyrus (and Edge... and Rus...), is _huge;_ tall with broad shoulders. Most sweaters and long sleeve shirts are going to be too short in the arms and torso.

“Good luck. We’re meeting up at the registers when we’re done, so I’ll see ya there.” You walk off with a wave, and start heading toward the next skeleton you see.

You’re halfway to Edge (now checking out leather jackets) when you hear your name being called. You turn around to spot... Rus. He’s waving at you with a lazy grin and an absolute _mountain_ of clothes in his arms.

“You, uh, need a cart?” You ask as you walk over. You’re honestly shocked at how many clothes Rus is holding. At the bottom you can recognize some of the articles he picked out for himself, but most of it is definitely for Black.

“Na, m’lord’s still going through his options. These’re his ‘maybe’s.”

You’d hate to see his ‘definitely not’ pile. You don’t envy the workers that’re gonna be cleaning up after him.

“Did you need something?”

Rus shakes his head. “Just wanted to chat while m’lord’s changing.” He spots the crop top you’re holding and his grin gets a little lopsided. “Still holdin’ on to that?”

“Oh, uh, it’s cute? And, well it- I thought you- I mean it’s...” You blush in embarrassment and huff. “I like it.”

The look Rus gives you in somewhere between fond and amused. “’m glad. I haven’t seen anyone in a while. They all gearing up to go?”

You clear your throat. “Yeah, then we’re meeting at the registers.”

Rus looks like he’s about to say something, but is interrupted by a sharp voice in the nearby changing room.

“Where are you, you mongrel?? I need the next set!”

He gives you a sly expression and a wink, and gets back to work. “Right here, m’lord. You wanted to try the vest next, yeah?”

You sigh. You don’t know if you’ll ever get used to their dynamic. It’s just a bit... unnerving.

You forgo checking on Edge in favor of heading to the registers. You’re pleased to see he’s already there, waiting alongside Red, Sans and Papyrus. You go ahead and pay for the crop top (treat yourself) and head to your car to relax. You manage to bypass your entourage of skeletons without being stopped for a conversation. You can enjoy shopping in small doses, but keeping up with eight people? That’s too much. You need a few minutes alone to gather your thoughts.

Though, you suppose you could’ve just waited in the car this whole time. You didn’t _need_ to chaperon anyone. They’re all adults. You grimace. You need to chill out.

The radio helps soothe your nerves and it doesn’t take long for far too many skeletons than you’re used to to start filing out of the store.

Red, Edge and Blue head your way, with the others following Papyrus. Red and Edge have two bags between them, Blue and Stretch have somewhere around 4 (you think you might see a smaller one hooked over Blue’s elbow) and Black and Rus have a _whopping_ _8 bags._ You don’t want to even _think_ about how much money Black just spent, and you’re positive most of it went towards the shorter brother’s wardrobe.

Sans pops up at your window before any of the others get even close, and raps a couple times on the glass with his knuckles. You roll down the window, and Sans leans over to stick his head through. “What can I do ya for, sir?” You drawl.

“Just lettin’ ya know we got some mattresses for the bed-less boys. No need to worry about people sleepin’ on the floor.”

“That’s great! Where are they, and how are you getting home?” Both the cars are full, no room for Sans or his bed purchases.

The comedian wiggles his phalanges and brows at you. “Answers the same for both. _Magic._ ”

“Fair enough.”

A silence falls of you, but Sans breaks it quickly.

“Hey, can I talk to ya about something important? Regarding the others.”

You’re about to respond, but spin to face the passenger door as Red opens it and hops in. When you turn back to Sans, he’s gone. You swear, he must’ve watched Batman movies recently or something for how much he disappears suddenly like that.

The drive home’s uneventful and quiet. You think everyone’s tired from all the shopping, and you’re happy for the peace and quiet.

When you get home, sure enough there’s a stack of mattresses leaning against the wall in the hallway. You offer to help carry them up the stairs, but are denied at each turn. Blue says he doesn’t want to burden you, and both Edge and Black snap something about not needing the assistance of a 'weak human'. You take that as a good enough reason to go be lazy with Sans on the couch.

Sans props his feet up on the coffee table and sinks down into his hoodie, a content expression on his face. “s’good to be home.”

You can’t help but agree, and make yourself comfortable on the opposite side of the couch. “Oh, hold on- what did you want to talk about?”

Sans’ content expression shifts into something a little more nervous. “Right. Uh, y’see, the others’re gonna have to stay with us a bit longer than anticipated.” He’s not looking at you anymore, and you lean to the side to regain eye contact.

“How long?” You kinda want your room back. You like sleeping over with your best friends, but you don’t think you can survive long without your own private space to go and unwind.

“The foreseeable future.” _Big_ yikes. You grimace, and Sans leaps to appease you. “Listen, ’m gonna work out a better setup for us. You’ll get your room back, no worries.”

You don’t see how that’s possible, barring straight up remodeling the house to have more rooms, but that would take time and resources.

“How do you plan on doing that?”

“Well.” Sans says slowly. “We could, uh, get a bigger house.”

You blink. You weren’t expecting that. Sans is now steadily maintaining eye contact, and you _think_ he’s hinging his response on how well you take that suggestion.

“How’re we gonna afford a bigger house? I know you’re pretty well off, but not even you can afford a house with what... five bedrooms, if you have everyone room with their brothers and one for me? Nine if you’re giving everyone their own room?” Or eight rooms, if he doesn’t want to worry about finding a big enough house to include you. You frown.

“We’ll split the cost, of course.” He reassures. “They can pay for themselves for awhile, for the long term they can get jobs.”

You want to question why this has to be long term at all, why they can’t just go back to where they came from. If they can afford to house themselves, why does it have to be with you and the boys? But you also don’t want to be an asshole, and if they’re in need of housing and it _has_ to be with Sans and Papyrus... you suppose you can’t be the reason they’re forced to stay cramped together forever... and you don’t particularly want to go back to living by yourself.

You sigh. If this is how it has to be, then so be it. “Alright, we can start looking around and get this place ready to be on the market.”

Sans surprises you by dragging you in to a tight hug. You return it after a stiff moment, suddenly realizing how tense you were and just _melting_ into him. You sigh, relieved, and can’t help the fond smile that pulls at your lips. He releases you and gives you a broad grin. “Thanks fer making this easy.”

You snort. “It was either that or going and finding my own place.” For a split second, you think Sans looks startled, but then the moment passes and he’s back to his usual grin. “But I’d be bonely without all you knuckleheads.” It’s your turn to pull Sans in for some PDA, but you opt instead to grab him in a headlock and give him a good noogie. Sans takes it without complaint, and if anything looks ridiculously pleased with himself.

What a weirdo.

When you cut him loose, he rolls back into the couch with a satisfied smile. “Ya know, things’re turnin’ out pretty alright.”

You find yourself agreeing. There had been some... tumultuous moments in the last couple days, but overall everything is starting leveling out a lot faster than you expected it would. With the boys happy with their new wardrobes and finally set up with beds, things are calmed down significantly.

“So what’s the plan, then? Find a mansion somewhere to house your undead army?” You smirk a little when Sans gives you an unimpressed look.

“If that’s what we’ll fit in and can afford, then yeah, bud. Guess so.” Sans is slowly sinking farther into the couch, and you think he might fall asleep any moment.

“Hold on, before you start counting sheep, aren’t you up for dinner tonight?” The look of fear that crosses Sans’ face is by far the funniest thing you’ve experienced all day. “I was out shopping for you just for your special dinner. Shouldn’t you get started or something?”

“Isn’t it lunch time?” He looks like he might bolt at any moment, but there’s nowhere to run. You’re staying in his room, after all.

“We can eat it for lunch, leftovers for dinner. Easy peasy.”

Sans groans dramatically, slowly sliding off the couch to lie facedown on the floor. He continues to groan as he slowly, with all the drama possessed by a Shakespearean actor, begins to drag himself to the kitchen.

You go ahead and walk there like a normal person, just to watch Sans follow through on his act. He pulls himself to his feet using the fridge handle, and gives you a Look. You nod encouragingly. He stares into the open fridge with a nervous smile, but doesn’t say anything. You squint, suddenly less encouraging.

“You didn’t actually have a recipe in mind, did you.” The pieces start coming together, and you can feel the aggravation from your wild goose chase in the grocery store returning.

“Uh.”

“You just wanted me out of the house because your cousins showed up.” It all made sense now.

“I’m sorry?”

Holy shit. “ _Two hours_ , Sans! I was wandering around per your instruction for TWO. _HOURS.”_ You feel like you’re going to explode. “ _I wasted so much money._ ”

“Oooooooohhhhhhhh! Someone’s in trouble!” Red’s deep voice calls from the living room. Is he summoned by conflict?

You poke your head through the doorway to glare at him. “Stay out of this, _hotdog_.” When you turn back around, Sans has mysteriously disappeared. You can’t help it. You stomp your feet like a petulant child. “ _GODDAMMIT._ ” You stomp your way over to the couch and collapse into it with as much drama as you can muster.

Red’s leaned casually against the opposite armrest, skull resting on his hand. “Mr. Boring bail on ya out of fear?”

You grimace. “Yeah.”

He tsk’s with a shake of his head. “How very un-gentlemanly of ‘im. You should spend yer time with someone who knows how to treat a cutie right.” He settles into the couch a little more, getting comfortable, and levels you with an expression he probably thinks is suave.

Well. It’s a little suave.

Okay, you’ll admit it. He’s starting to grow on you.

“Someone with class, you mean?” You mirror his pose and give him an amused look. You’ve matched Sans one for one on puns and teasing before, you’re sure you can manage the same with Red, flirting be damned. “A real chivalrous type?”

“You get it.”

“And that someone would be you.”

Red actually sits up and meets you at eye-level. “Here’s what I was thinking. You, me, dinner somewhere, maybe a few drinks. A fun night out on the town, ya know?”

Honestly, you’re surprised. “Really?” You’d expected an invitation to a nightclub. Or his (well, your) room.

“Nothing too crazy.” Red confirms. He seems to be getting excited. “Just a casual night out, ya know? Get ta know each other. Eat some good food, crack a few bad jokes, nothin’ too taxing.”

You find yourself considering it.

You haven’t gone out in what feels like a long time. You mostly spent your days in with the boys, or at work. And your immediate distrust of Red isn’t exactly fair- the most he does is flirt (badly) and tease some of the others (dumbly), and other than that he seems like a decent guy. He’s even managed to pull a few laughs from you, and it’ll be a good opportunity to meet the cousins and get to know them better. Well, one of them.

“Okay, sure. That sounds fun.” What’s the worst that can happen?

Red looks like you just crowned him king. “Really? I mean, uh, tha's great. How ‘bout tomorrow night?”

You have work tomorrow, but a chill night out sounds like a good way to unwind. “I can do that. You work out where we’re going and I can provide transportation.”

“No need, babe, I’ve got it all figured out.” Red gives you a wink and hops up. “Leave it ta me to give you the evening of yer _life.”_

Oh, now _that’s_ a tall order. You hope he can deliver on that promise, but you’re not too sure. You'll just have to wait and see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. date with red tomorrow evening. but who d'ya wanna hang out with the day after?
> 
> pacing? what's pacing? forgive any errors, it's 1 am again


	3. After Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you experience a bit more of the fell boys, and go on your date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long, i got distracted by summer
> 
> fun fact, every chapter title is a song :)

You really hate getting up for work. The actual work itself is fine. You actually enjoy it (most of the time). Being a baker for a local cafe has its ups and downs, and you really spend most of your time alone in the back... baking. It’s when you have to run the front register that drives you crazy. 

Thankfully, you’re going to be spending the entire day alternating between making bread and non-rising goods. That means the only hard part of the day is the beginning- waking up. Having fresh baked goods out for display and purchase when the shop opens means an early start for you. 

Your alarm goes off (far too early, your heavy limbs tell you) and you manage to wrestle yourself loose from the skeleton pile with as much consideration for the skeletons as possible. That still involves wrenching Paps’ death grip off you with as much force as you can muster and rolling Sans off your legs and onto the floor, but you know. You tried your best to be gentle.

You’re still half-dead as you meander around the kitchen grabbing yourself the fastest breakfast possible and some sort of warm drink for the road. You’re just about to grab your keys and get out the door when you’re startled by seeing... someone else. 

Papyrus is an early riser, known among your circle of friends for his enthusiasm for early jogs. Still, he never wakes up when you do an early shift at work, preferring to do his morning routine an hour and a half later. This is so he can possibly run into people he knows, or run into people he doesn’t know and turn them into people he does know so he can run into them in the future. You’ve never met someone immune to his particular brand of charisma, and are always surprised how large his contacts list is.

Apparently Black is of a similar mindset, but... not quite. He’s standing in the living room in exercise clothing and running shoes. You check the time. Sure enough, earlier than even the sun. And yet, there he stands. Ready to go for a run.

You both stare at each other for a moment in mutual surprise. You’ve never seen someone up and moving when you are, and apparently neither has he. For some reason, seeing him in extremely casual clothing (even if it’s for a specific purpose) looks... really funny, and you barely restrain a giggle. He looks like an emo Sans. He’s obviously not as amused at seeing you, and schools his expression into something more standard for him. He glares. 

“Uh. Coffee?” You hold out your untouched mug as a peace offering.

Black eyes it with disdain, turns on his heel, and marches out the door. He shuts it with far more force than necessary, making you sigh. You’ll win him over eventually, you decide. The best punishment for his behavior... is making him like you of his own volition. He’ll hate that for sure.

You almost fall asleep while driving to work, but the caffeine kicks in shortly after and saves the day. You arrive in one piece (yay!) and only slightly jittery from the coffee. You’re allowed to listen to music while you work in the back, and you’re thankful for that every day. Getting to dance around to your favorite tunes and bake is by far your best career choice so far. 

That said, it gets hot in the back, and eventually you have to crawl out of your cave to sit in the cafe, take a break, and drink something refreshing.

You’re surprised for a second time that day when you find Rus and Black in the cafe around noon. Rus seems at least marginally pleased to see you, but Black gives you a hilariously startled look before ignoring your presence entirely. He stares stubbornly at the wall, takes a dramatically over-exaggerated sip from his beverage, and doesn’t even react when you walk right up.

“Finding everything to your liking, sir?” You ask pleasantly. You’re on break, sure, but you’re still at work. Gotta be cordial and all that. 

Black seems way too pleased with being called ‘sir’. You can see a bit of a smirk pulling at his usual scowl. He takes another drawn out sip and slowly rotates to meet your eye. “It’s cold. I’m not impressed by your place of work thus far, human.” You note the steam wafting out of the little hole in the lid. Sure, dude. Ice cold. 

“I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Would you like me to get you a hotter one?” You don’t doubt that no matter how you serve his drink he’ll find some way to critique it, but whatever. You have to try, right? And this might be the way to get him to like you. 

Black considers it, tapping a long clawed phalanx on his chin. “Yes, I believe that would be an adequate start at improving my opinion of your hovel.”

You bristle at the insult. You love your little cafe! Well, it’s not yours. But you love working there, and you always thought it looked cute. “Of course. I’ll get right on that, sir.” Black is full on smirking at this point and hands you the drink. You take note of the specifiers written on the side- aaaaaaand it’s just a black coffee. Of course.

You’re about to walk away and heat it up when Black catches your wrist. “Oh, and were you to make it a size larger, I might consider giving you an average review.”

No fucking way. Is he trying to pull customer blackmail on you? You study the expression on his skull. He’s all cold self-confidence and self-satisfaction. You are positive if you don’t bring this drink back boiling hot and a size larger you will be receiving a 1-star review somewhere. You narrow your eyes at him and pull away.

You dump out the drink and grab another cup, hesitating over the stack of medium cups before sighing and grabbing a large. 

You set the coffee to brew and go ahead and nuke it in the microwave for an additional 30 seconds after pouring it. It’s scalding your hand through the cup _and_ the cardboard cup holder, so you know if he complains about the temperature it’s out of spite. That drink is a safety hazard. You’re walking back to hand it to him when it occurs to you that Sans once told you the ‘cold goes right through’ him because he didn’t have any nerves to feel temperature with. You pause a few steps away from Black and Rus’ table to scrutinize the coffee you’re holding. Did you just get played for a fool? Or does Black just like his coffee scalding because he can’t really feel temperatures except for extremes? You decide to go for the benefit of the doubt and hope it’s the latter. 

You hand the coffee over and Black doesn’t even thank you, instead maintaining eye contact while taking a long drink. You wince. That’d be a burnt throat and hours of excruciating pain if you drank it. Possibly a hospital visit. 

Black takes a moment to consider the temperature before finally giving his verdict. “Adequate.” He turns away from you to face Rus, signaling your dismissal. 

You can feel your pride depleting. 

You catch Rus’ eye as you walk away and he gives you a wink before turning his attention back to his brother. 

You don’t even want to take your break at this point, but find a nice corner as far from Black as possible to drink an iced tea and chill before heading back to the ovens. 

When you leave at the end of your shift in the afternoon, the dramatic duo are nowhere to be seen. You breathe a sigh of relief and clock out, ready to head home. You kept your phone on ‘do not disturb’ while at work so you could focus on the timers and not burn anything, so when you finally go to check your messages you’re surprised to see so many, some of them from numbers you don’t even recognize. 

“HI!!! THIS IS BLUE!! WE JUST GOT PHONE SERVICE AND PAPYRUS GAVE ME YOUR NUMBER!!! I LOOK FORWARD TO CONTINUING OUR CONVERSATIONS EVEN WHEN WE AREN’T FACE-TO-FACE!!”

Ah. That explains why you have 20 new messages. You save the number under ‘Blue Streak’ with a small smile.

You go through all the messages, weighing your options on taking a nap when you get home. You’re pretty beat from getting up early and working so hard, but if you sleep now you might not be tired in the evening, and you have another early start tomorrow... 

“how does a skeleton message his cool new pal?”

It’s not signed, but you have a pretty good idea who sent it. You save the number under ‘Stretch’ and send back the answer. 

“By telebone, right? :P”

You switch to the next new conversation thread with a chuckle. 

“hey doll, you ready for the best night of your life?” You smile a little and save the contact as the smiling devil emoji. It’ll contrast nicely with Sans’ contact name, the ‘sock and buskin’ masks emoji. 

You text back an affirmative and mention that you’re on your way home, and check the last new message. 

“hey cutie-pie. here’s my number if you need it. ;)” That’s probably Rus. You enter the pie and skull emojis as the contact name and frown. 

Neither Black nor Edge sent you a text, so they either don’t have your number or didn’t care you give your theirs. Whatever. You’ll probably get it some day.

You have to admit you’re not a big fan of either of them; you prefer their mellow (if flirty) brothers, but it might still be useful to have their numbers in case you need to get a hold of them. You are living together after all. 

When you get home, you’re basically dead on your feet. You’d been tired when you got out, sure, but now that you’re actually home and within walking distance of bed, you suddenly don’t see a reason not to be in it. Still, you’re kinda sweaty from working in the hot backroom for so long, so a shower is in order first. Getting clean then taking a short nap might be the perfect precursor to your date with Red.

It’s a date, right? He seems to act like it is, and even if you barely know the guy he’s pretty fun to be around. It might be fair to consider it a date as well. You’re single and ready to mingle, right? 

You bypass any and all attempts to engage in conversation with you, breezing past Papyrus and Blue like a pro and bee-lining straight for the shower. Nothing’s going to get in between you and that nap you oh so definitely deserve.

You shower quickly and efficiently, way too excited to pass out than should be considered normal. You’ve got some pajamas laid out on the sink counter, and you get through washing your hair in record time. You’re going to take a risk with letting it air dry during your nap, but you don’t anticipate Red being overly critical with your appearance. It’s just a chill night out, right? Not like you’re going to a fancy restaurant or something. Your hair can be a little wild. 

Maybe he’s into that sort of thing. Who knows.

You step out of the shower and grab a towel, drying off and reaching blindly for your clothes as you towel dry your hair. You’re a little weirded out by the texture of the shirt you’re holding, and lower the towel to get a better look through the steamy room. This is... definitely not your shirt. You were certain the clothes you grabbed from the wardrobe were yours. You even made sure to grab your favorite comfy clothes for the ultimate nap! So... where did your shirt go, and where did this come from? 

Sure enough, the shirt’s a few sizes too large. It most certainly belongs to a tall person. A very tall person. Judging by the style, it’s either Rus or Stretch, and you’re really not sure which. You didn’t get a chance to see all the clothes they bought, so really it could belong to either of them. 

Who it belongs to aside, how did it get in the bathroom? The idea of someone sneaking in while you were in the shower to switch out your clothes leaves a sour taste in your mouth. What a freakish breach of privacy and trust. Maybe in your deliriously tired state, you’d accidentally grabbed the wrong shirt? But Red and Edge were staying in your room... and the tall edgy boy wouldn’t be caught dead (heh) in this shirt, you’re certain.

But now comes the real question... do you leave the bathroom wearing the shirt, or a towel? 

You need to get your real clothes somehow, and right now those are your only two options.

You sigh. Taking a peek in the mirror reveals the bags under your eyes have not been alleviated by the relaxing shower, and you’re still so tired... You really didn’t deserve this treatment. 

You let go of your pride and put on the shirt, finding it... actually kind of comfortable, in a super over sized way. It hangs down to your mid-thighs, completely covering your shorts. You look like you don’t have pants on. 

You sigh, again. Why this.

You hesitate before leaving the bathroom, hand hovering over the door, before breathing another sigh and exiting. You forgo searching for your clothes and instead just head straight for Sans’ room, slipping inside and immediately collapsing into your blanket nest. 

Decadence. 

You’re a little warm, but whatever. You can already feel yourself nodding off...

You awake with a start at the sound of a slamming door and sit bolt upright. The shadows in the room have moved drastically, and you fumble around, disoriented, before locating your phone. 

You’ve been asleep for three hours. It’s now early evening. 

Funnily enough, there’s a Sans-shaped lump of blankets on the mattress to your left. Great minds think alike; he must’ve come in to nap without you noticing. Knowing he’ll be up for dinner, you quietly slip out to grab something to drink. 

You’re parched after your nap, and you need to drink something before you fall over. 

You think you still have some time before going out with Red. He didn’t text or hunt you down after you got home (not that you made yourself very available) so you assume he’s still preparing. Or something.

Edge is seated, back rigid and arms crossed, with Papyrus on the couch when you pass by. 

“I’m aware Mettaton: The Origins and Continuous Memoirs Part 3 is considered one of his best films, but you cannot deny the artistry displayed in The Many Faces and Facets of Beauty (aka Mettaton)! Truly one of his finest masterworks. The acting! The cinematography! The EDITING!” You don’t think you’ve ever heard Papyrus say something so seriously. Are they really debating about Mettaton? And his films, no less. You’ve never really understood the hype behind the robot celebrity (particularly his many, usually redundant, films) but you’ve sat through your share of movie nights with Papyrus to sort of follow the debate.

“What an absolutely basic opinion. If you want to consider his cinematography, we should be debating between How Many Mettatons Does it Take to Eradicate a Human? and For Whom Does the Mettaton Crow.” Edge snorts. “Really, ‘The Many Faces and Facets’?”

“I don’t think I’ve heard of those...” Papyrus is thoughtful. “We will have to marathon them all in order to sort this out properly!!” 

They really are debating about Mettaton. You stare at them for a moment, shake your head fondly, and move on. You seriously hope you’re not going to be involved in that marathon.

You guzzle the water when you finally pour yourself a glass and lean against the counter. The cool drink (and continued Mettaton debate in the background) is slowly waking you up. How is it you can be more tired after a nap than before one?

A thud on the ceiling above your head makes you giggle. You pour another glass of water in preparation, right as the air next to you is displaced with a flash of blue magic and a short skeleton. Called it. 

Sans takes the offered glass with a hummed thanks, chugging it about as fast as you had. The dark circles under his eye sockets haven’t gotten any better in the last few days, and you scrutinize him as he stares blearily into the distance. He hands you his glass, swaying on his feet, and disappears just as suddenly as he appeared. He might not be down for dinner after all.

You stick the two cups in the sink and make your way back up to your room. You pass Rus on the stairs and get a wink and a thumbs up as you go by. You return it with a confused smile and it's only when you get to the top do you have an idea why he did that. 

"Hey Rus, is this your-" By the time you've turned around, he's already disappeared. You sigh. You'll get answers someday. 

You knock softly on your door, then enter when there’s no response. Edge is downstairs with Papyrus and Red’s not around, so you’re free to get ready without an audience. 

As far as you’re aware, it’s nothing more than a casual night out (with date undertones. overtones? midtones, surely.) so you opt for a nicer pair of pants and a t-shirt. You hesitate momentarily over a jacket, but decide it’s warm enough without one. You’ll figure out shoes when you’re ready to leave, so now you just have to wait. 

It occurs to you to look in a mirror before truly deciding you’re ready. 

Surprise! Turns out, sleeping with wet hair was a mistake. You fight with your hair for a few minutes, then give up when it’s halfway decent. Red won’t care. Probably.

You head downstairs to wait. It’s about 6:30, so you’ll be leaving soon... If Red ever shows up.

The living room is still the venue of the Great Mettaton Debate, but you park yourself in the living room armchair anyway. There’s nowhere else to wait aside from yours or Sans’ room, and you’d prefer the company. 

“Cooking with a Killer Robot is by far his best cooking segment! How could you possibly be entertained by a cooking show without violence and threat of death??” Edge huffs dramatically and turns away. He makes eye contact with you (glaring, of course) and you give a small smile and shrug. You have no idea what’s going on. You just want to get some food and chill with your new… housemate...? ...acquaintance? ...friend???

“While exhilarating and vibrant, I find that his mellower segments show off his talent and have a better variety of food prepared! Human housemate!!” Papyrus turns to you, startling you. “Why don’t you settle this for us? I’ve educated you thoroughly on Mettaton’s wide variety of media, I’m sure you can provide valuable insight into this conundrum!!” He’s looking at you with that starry, wide-eyesocket look that always manages to melt your heart, every time. It’s too bright to look at directly sometimes. 

Edge, by contrast, is giving you a death glare. You’re pretty sure if this wasn’t your house and Papyrus wasn’t present, you’d be dead where you sit. You’re not sure what the cause of death might be, but you think Edge might have laser vision or something. He could be boring holes into your head with how angry those little red lights in his sockets are. Oh dear.

You now know how Sans feels when you glare down at him. You think you might be sweating. What was the question again? Mettaton was involved. He’s always involved. But why did he have to ask you about it??? You weren’t prepared. You weren’t ready to be put on the spot like this. 

“I, uh. Well. I don’t think. As your best friend. That I can provide an unbiased opinion? I mean, I’m not an impartial jury.” Nailed it. But, somehow, Edge isn’t convinced. You can tell by the way he narrows his eye sockets at you, a sneer pulling at the edges of his (very sharp!) teeth. “And... I’m not, uh... prepared? I haven’t watched Mettaton’s stuff recently, I’d have to brush up on uh, the shows you were talking about... before I could give a proper answer.” 

Edge seethes, actually standing up and staring down at you. “What kind of drivel are you spouting? I knew you were an inactive worm but why in the King’s name would you possibly sit here when we are having a serious debate if you are not going to participate?? I don’t want you to, mind you, but why???” 

“Hey now, there’s no need for language like that, cousin! We are perfectly capable of having a nice debate, and if our housemate doesn’t want to participate that is their choice. Fair! Courteous! Equitable! That’s Papyrus!” While you’re grateful for Paps standing up for you, that doesn’t seem to sway Edge at all. Like Black, you feel like you have a long road ahead of you to get the two of them to act civil with you. Having someone else fight your battles for you doesn’t seem to be the way to do that.

You don’t know how to respond to that, but you are not going to be talked down to in your own home. “I came down here to wait for your brother?? Because this is my living room??? And I’m entitled to sit in my living room and wait in my chair??”

He actually seems surprised by that. “Why are you waiting for him? And what could he possibly want with you?” You most certainly do not like the way he said that, but you’ll pick your battles. Or not. You can't help but respond. 

“He invited me to go out for dinner. What’s it to you?” You stand up to even out the height difference a little. It helps. Somewhat. Edge seems to take that as a challenge, and you immediately regret it. He stands up straighter (somehow) and looks down at you, scowl growing deeper.

“Wait, is this a date?? Are you going on a date with Red????” Papyrus pushes past Edge to grab your shoulders and shake you a little. “Do you need advice?? I’m a dating expert, you know! I can talk you through all the important bits! First date, marriage, even heartbreak!!”

“Uhm.” You look past the starry-eyed skeleton in front of you to look at the angry-eyed skeleton right behind him. Edge is deathly silent. You think that’s a bad sign. “Sure, Paps. Hit me with your most prudent dating tips.”

Pulling a book out of thin air, Papyrus opens it up to some chapter in the middle and clears his non-existent throat. “ Step 1! Wear clothes to show you care!” 

You almost choke on air, but manage to resist and level Papyrus with an incredulous look. Isn’t wearing clothes... just a normal everyday thing? Papyrus and Edge are both wearing clothes right now, do they want to go on a date with you? You observe Edge carefully. He stares back, the edges of his scowl curling in displeasure. Nah, probably not.

“Give a gift to show your appreciation for the other person!” You hadn’t actually considered that. You were handling transportation, but you hadn’t thought to bring something for Red in return for the evening. Stars know what he expects from the evening. 

“Woah bro, why’re you breakin’ out the dating manual? You goin’ out?” Sans has appeared in the kitchen doorway again, swaying on his feet. He must be having trouble sleeping.

Papyrus snaps the book closed. “No, but they are!! I’m helping them prepare for their date!” He gestures to you with the manual and wiggles his brow bones not suggest _ively_ but suggesting something. You desperately wish you knew what it was. 

Sans yawns and plops himself on the couch next to his brother. He’s got a brow quirked and an easy grin. “Oh yea? Who with?” 

“Me.” 

All heads turn towards Red, who’s suddenly arrived in the entryway. He’s cleaned up... moderately. He’s replaced his stained turtleneck with a clean white shirt and his basketball shorts with a different, clean pair of basketball shorts. You note he’s rocking the same scuffed shoes he’s had on the last couple days, but his jacket looks like it’s been through the wash. Not bad.

Your eyes meet and his neutral grimace perks up a little bit. 

“Sorry for keepin’ ya waitin’, babe. Had some stuff to sort out before I could leave. You ready to go?” Red shoves his hands into his pockets and rocks back on the heels of his sneakers. “I can wait here if ya need ta get something, or...”

You hastily stand up and dust yourself off, making sure you’re neat and presentable. This isn’t a big deal, you’re just going to get to know the guy, why are you suddenly nervous? “No no, I’m ready. We can head to the car and you can lemme know where we’re headed.”

“You’re goin’ with Red?” Sans gets up from the couch. “You’re goin’ on a date with Red two days after meeting him?” You’re not sure which part of that Sans is more surprised by, the fact it’s Red or that it’s so soon. You decide not to mention you’d agreed to go on the date the day after meeting him. Red and Sans make eye contact. Some unspoken conversation seems to be taking place and you look between the two, unsure what’s going on.

Edge uncrosses his arms, adjusts his jacket slightly, then recrosses his arms. “Precisely my thought. You two hardly know each other.” He grinds out. 

“He... asked? And I would like to get to know him better? And it sounded like fun?” You don’t really get why this is a big deal. You’re an adult, you can choose who to hang out with. Sans has never questioned you like this before, and you’re not exactly sure how to handle it. You can understand Edge questioning you, and don’t doubt he will continue to do so into the future. 

Red seems nervous. "It's just a little night out, boss. I'll be back before ya know it." 

As quickly as he questioned it, Sans backs down, retaking his seat on the couch with a lazy wave. “Welp. Have fun you two, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” He gives you a wink and settles back for a nap.

Edge narrows his eye sockets at you. “I will not let this go as easily, human.” You look over at Red and he’s noticeably sweating. What’s with these skeletons and sweating? “But this can be handled later. You’re interrupting my debate with your ridiculous relationship.” He turns back to face Papyrus, and Red grabs your arm to drag you away.

You’re surprised when you get outside and Red starts leading you down the sidewalk. “Aren’t we taking the car? I said I’d provide transportation.” 

The skeleton casts a smirk over his shoulder and winks at you, eerily reminiscent of the one you received from Sans moments ago. “Nah. Decided it’d be more fun this way.” He suddenly looks unsure of himself. “Ya don’t mind a change of plans, right? You can drive if ya really wanna.”

“It’s fine, I don’t mind either way. Where’re we going?” Red’s still leading you at a fairly speedy pace, and it’s only now you realize he’s been pulling you along by the hand since the living room. Your cheeks warm. 

His smirk returns and you hope he doesn’t notice your blush. “It’s a surprise.”

You’re about to respond when you take a misstep, your foot falling through the ground where you’d expected more sidewalk. Your eyes widen and where you expect the scenery of your neighborhood, you’re instead greeted with a flash of absolute nothingness before your foot finds solid ground again and you’re somewhere else entirely. Ah, a shortcut. 

You recognize the downtown area of your town, specifically the new monster shopping district. You’ve been in some of the stores with the brothers before, but hadn’t had a chance to check them all out. You should really do that one of these days.

Red releases your hand and quickly shoves his own back in his jacket pocket, eyeing you for a moment before surveying the area. You almost miss the physical contact. 

Are you really that touch starved?

“We going shopping?” You ask, trying (and failing) to get the hand holding off your mind. “Didn’t we do that yesterday?” You laugh nervously.

“Nah, I’ve got a dinner place in mind if yer hungry." He rocks back on his heels, eye lights trained upwards. "Unless ya wanna do something else?"

Lucky for him, you’re starving. That nap really gave you an appetite. “Dinner was the plan, wasn’t it? Lead the way.”

Red takes the lead and you walk side by side in silence. It’s kind of awkward. 

You look over at Red, ready to break the ice, but catch him looking at you. He quickly looks away, sweat dotting his skull. You train your eyes on the pavement and keep walking. Your gaze is slowly pulled over to the shorter skeleton regardless, and you take the chance to look him over 

You still think he looks startlingly like Sans, like you’d noticed when you first met him. Similar fashion sense, statures, facial structures, expressions. They’re equally tired looking, nervous, jokey. Red is just... pointier. If they weren’t cousins, you’d have guessed they were twins. 

Red’s gaze flickers to you, mouth open to say something (exposing his sharp teeth...), and you quickly avert your gaze. Red decides not to say whatever it was he was going to. 

The silence drags on.

It’s a blessing when you finally get to the restaurant, and you’re not _that_ surprised to find it’s Grillby’s. The similarities between Sans and Red only continue to grow. Or Red asked for restaurant advice from Sans and he gave the only answer he knew. Except Sans hadn’t known about the date...

“You been here before, babe?” Red opens the door for you. You’re about to answer when you’re interrupted by monsters shouting. That’s normal when you walk into Grillby’s, but only if you’re with-

“Sans!” 

Most of the other bar patrons stop what they’re doing and turn towards the door. There’s a few more scattered calls of Sans’ name before they catch themselves. 

“Wait a minute, you’re not Sans, are ya?” A fish monster near the bar exclaims. “Ya look like him though. You not from around here?”

Red has only gotten sweatier. “Nope. ‘m his... cousin?” 

The fish stares a moment longer, then shrugs. “Makes sense.”

The bar returns to its normal hubbub and you both take a seat in a free booth.

You sit in silence for a moment before Red clears his throat. “Ya been here before, then?” He repeats.

“Once or twice for a drink, never really had the opportunity to sit down for food despite how often Sans sneaks over here for lunch. I’m more surprised that you knew about it, since you didn’t live in Snowdin.” You look over the menu real quick, deciding between the options of burger or fries. You kinda want something a bit more substantial... burger it is, then.

Red’s grin falters. “We uh... had a similar place? If this one’s anything like ours we’re in for a treat.” Feasible. He’s twiddling his thumbs nervously, looking anywhere but you. You purse your lips and trace patterns on the tabletop with a finger.

The eponymous Grillby comes by a few minutes later and you both breathe a sigh of relief. He stands there, on fire as always, and scrutinizes the two of you. 

“Heya Grillby. Chill night, huh?” You give him a wink. The bar owner nods. “I’ll take a burg and... whatever drink you recommend for today. Something sweet, maybe?” You get another nod, and place the menu back in the little holder on the side of the table. Grillby turns to Red and tilts his head to the side slightly. “Ah, this is Red, Sans’ cousin from outta town. He and some other family members are staying with us for the time being.” 

Red gives him a little wave. “Sup, Grillbz.” Grillby stares for a moment more before inclining his head. “I’ll uh, also have a burg. Bottle o’ mustard on the side?” With a soft crackle, Grillby departs.

The silence returns.

It’s another few minutes of making eye contact and looking away when you decide to be the one to bite the bullet. 

“How much does a polar bear weigh?” You blurt, grimacing. 

Red blinks at you. “Uh. No clue, babe.”

You’re finally making eye contact! Phase one, complete. 

You bite your lip and give a small smile. “Enough to break the ice.” 

There’s a moment of stunned silence before your date breaks into guffaws. Slapping a hand on the table, he uses the other to wipe red tears from his sockets. “That was a good one.” When he finally sobers up, he gives you an easygoing smile. “Sorry for bein’ so awkward, I don’t usually do... this.” He gestures vaguely. 

“You don’t date often?” Neither do you, but you still felt surprised. With how easily he flirted and how quickly he asked you out (not to mention his general rough charisma) you expected him to be a bit of a playboy. 

“Nah, don’t get me wrong, I’ve done plenty of dates. They’re just a bit different than this. ‘m not really sure how to proceed.” He seems hesitant to elaborate. You raise an eyebrow. His smile turns a bit nervous. “They’re a bit quicker. Less chatty, more... well. Racy?” 

You stare at him. “Are you saying you’ve never gone on a dinner date before in favor of booty calls?” You suddenly remember your previous thought about what Red expects out of this evening. You narrow your eyes. 

He seems to catch your train of thought and puts his hands up in surrender. “I had a feelin’ this wouldn’t go like that, no worries.” He suddenly leans forward, resting an elbow on the table and his head on his hand. He gazes at you through lidded sockets with a smug smirk. “Unless ya wanna, that is.”

You smack his arm, almost causing him to faceplant on the table. “I’m not one of your fried chicken tramps, pal. It takes time and effort to woo me.” You say it with a smile, but you mean it. You have standards! Well, a few. More than Papyrus, at least.

Rubbing his arm, he chuckles weakly. “Heh, right.” 

You can feel the silence returning, and are thankful when Grillby returns with your drinks and food. Your burger looks delicious and the drink he’s brought looks fizzy and refreshing. You hate to admit it, but you’re not even surprised when Red snatches up the mustard bottle and takes a swig. You’ve seen Sans do it enough times with various condiments to be used to it. It’s still gross, but not surprising. 

You tuck in with gusto, and you can’t help the groan of satisfaction at your first bite of burger. It’s so good. You don’t think you’ve ever had a burger this good. You can’t believe Sans has been holding out on you like this. Only coming here for drinks? What kind of nonsense is that?? You’re definitely going to be getting takeout more often. 

Red’s practically drooling at his food, but still hasn’t touched it. 

You wipe some ketchup from your face with a napkin and give him a look. “You waiting for something?”

He snaps out of it with a shake of his head and gives you a sheepish grin. “Sorry, just uh, been cravin’ this. ‘m excited.” He holds up his mustard to you and waggles his brow bones. “Toast?”

You laugh and tap your glass to his bottle. “To good food.”

“'n cute friends ‘n bad laughs.” 

You blush and take a sip of your drink. Like you expected, delicious. The magic gives you a light buzz and the flavor pairs well with the food. You’re gonna have to ask Grillbz what is so you can order it again. 

You’re pretty ravenous, so it doesn’t take long to get through your burger. Red somehow still manages to beat you, taking massive bites that show off his sharp teeth and finishing in around 10 seconds. It's pretty impressive. 

Grillby comes by a while later to take your plates, so you're left with your drinks and conversation. 

"So how'd ya meet 'em?"

You look up from your drink, "Huh?"

Red takes a sip of his mustard. "Vanilla, the golden boy and you. How'd that come about?"

"Sans and Pap?" Your drink's at about halfway, and you're already planning on another. "My family moved out a couple years ago and I took over the mortgage. I needed some housemates to buffer the cost, and it just so happened a friendly house sharing situation and casual contract was easier for monsters to work out than trying to navigate home ownership laws right outta the gate. The barrier broke maybe… 4 months before I took over the mortgage? And they still didn't have all the legal stuff worked out by then, so they moved in with me. We liked each other enough that when they eventually could've gotten their own place, they stayed and I just added them to the mortgage as co-owners." You grin down into your cup. "Dunno where I'd be without 'em, to be honest."

Red swirls his bottle thoughtfully. "Yeah, I thought you guys seemed pretty close."

You polish off your drink and sigh with satisfaction. "What about you? What brings you to Ebott?"

You realize immediately that wasn't the right question to ask when Red sits back, scowling and looking off to the side. "Extraneous circumstances." He doesn't say any more than that, and you don't press him. 

You twiddle your thumbs nervously and then stand up abruptly. "I'm getting another drink. Want anything?"

Red shrugs, still somewhat surly. "I'll have one of whatever you get."

You nod and make your way to the bar. 

Grillby's standing behind the bar polishing a glass. You lean against the counter and give him a smile. "Hey, can I get two more of that drink you gave me, please?" He's about to turn away to prepare the drinks when you make up your mind. "And uh, can they be doubles? If that's a thing with monster drinks?" You get a nod and he sets to making your drinks. You take that opportunity to turn and observe Red. 

He's sitting in the booth seat facing away from you so you can't make out his expression, but his skull's pointed downwards and you think his shoulders are hunched. Whatever 'extraneous circumstances' resulted in all the cousins ending up in Ebott must be pretty shitty. 

Grillby hands over the drinks and you give him a cheery thanks before heading back to your seat. 

Red looks up and gives you a tired smile when you slide his drink over to him. "Thanks, babe." 

You both drink for a few minutes in a comfortable silence. For once, you're hesitant to break the ice. 

You stifle a yawn at one point, and Red gives you a sympathetic smirk. "You not sleeping much either, huh?" 

You shake your head. "You don't want to know when I had to get up this morning. I took a nap, but it might've done more harm than good."

"Your best friends been keeping you awake, too? Since you been having a sleepover and all."

"Nah," you shrug. "They're pretty clingy, but they don't keep me awake." 

Red's smirk turns hopeful. "Ya know, th'boss doesn't use your bed. Says it's below him to use somethin' that belonged to a human. Ya could always go back to sleepin' in your room with us if you get tired o' bein' on the floor."

While you're offended at the idea of Edge refusing to use your bed because it's _yours_ , it's actually a decent offer. You don't plan on sleeping on the floor forever, and you get along with Red. Sharing a room with him for a little while could be nice, especially if that room is your own. 

"I'll think about it. Your brother and I don't get along very well, and… to be completely honest, I'm still getting to know you. Gimme some time and we'll see where it goes." You take a page out of Sans' book and give him a wink. You're pleasantly surprised to see Red's cheekbones light up in crimson. You think you might have to do that more often if that's the reaction you get. 

You go through a few more drinks as the night continues, and you only have more and more fun with Red. With every drink you get rowdier and looser, until eventually it's time to pay and leave the bar. 

It's way later than you'd planned on staying out since you have work in the morning, but you're having way too much fun to care. You and Red walk through the empty streets enjoying the air and the company. Who cares if you're both unsteady and have to keep grabbing each other to prevent yourselves from tripping and eating dirt. 

Eventually, however, the night does have to come to an end, and you need to get home. You're now very thankful you didn't drive. 

Red puts an arm around your shoulder with a wink and a grin. "Ya ready?" You laugh and nod, putting an arm around his back for more stability. 

You walk a few feet down the sidewalk before you're hit with a wave of vertigo and you're outside the house. You barely make it up the driveway walking the way you are, but with a bit of teamwork and Red's arm around your shoulders, you eventually make it through the door and into the living room. 

"Ah, you're back." Sans greets from his spot on the couch. It looks like he hasn't moved since you last saw him there. 

You giggle and lean over to Red to whisper, "Hey, what vegetable is Sans most similar to?"

Red gives you a dumbfounded look that only makes you giggle more. 

"A couch potato!" Your whisper breaks and you end up just saying it aloud, but you couldn't care less. Everything's funny and you've got a comfy skeleton draped over your shoulder and you're home and ready to go to bed and everything's just going _so well._

You and Red laugh uproariously and he pulls you in tighter to his chest. "Where've ya been all my life, babe?"

"Here, pretty much. Where have _you_ been, hot stuff?" It's so much easier to flirt when you've been drinking. Why don't you drink more often? It makes this dating thing sooooo much easier. Every drink should be alcohol. Life would be so much more fun that way. 

Red flips you around so you're up against his chest and leans in. "Kinda seems like my life was leadin' up to bein' here if _yer_ here-"

"Aaand that's enough of that." Sans pushes his way between you with a hand on each of your shoulders. "You two need to get ahold of yourselves. _You_ have work in the morning, and _you_ know what I'm gonna say if you keep this up." 

"Way to be a wet blanket, classic. We're just havin' fun." Red all but growls. He shoves him away and dusts off his jacket. "I wasn't doin' nothing wrong."

"I didn't say you did-"

You laugh. "Yeah Sans, we should change your name to _stick in the mud_." Even you realize that was a dumb thing to say, but you don't care. It was dumb enough to be funny! At least to you. Everything's funnier with alcohol!

Sans gives you a tired look and pinches his nasal bone. "Riiiight. You should go to bed before you sleep through your alarm, and you should go to bed before your brother paces a trench into the floor." Sans gently pushes you both towards the stairs and you grumble an assent. 

Sans monitors you as you walk to the bathroom to brush your teeth and stabilizes you as you nearly trip on your own feet entering his room. Papyrus is already asleep in his bundle of blankets, snoring softly, and the sight immediately makes you realize just how tired you are. You yawn and drop right into bed, pulling the blankets up around you. Your little blue housemate tucks you in and pats your head, and it's only as you're falling asleep you realize how weird it was to see Sans awake this late. 

The next morning when your alarm goes off, you regret staying out so late. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not featured in this chapter:  
> -Black regretting not accepting the coffee when you first offered it, forcing Rus to take him to the nearest cafe later since he won’t accept Sans’ either, followed by his rant at Rus after they leave the cafe that you're most certainly stalking him  
> -Papyrus and Edge never coming to a consensus on the Greatest Mettaton Film Ever (the difference in their Mettatons being not the only reason)  
> -Sans pouting the entire time you’re on your date, refusing to admit he's pouting  
> -Red drooling at the noises you’re making, not the burger
> 
> what other au's/ideas would people be interested in seeing?


	4. Meet Me in the Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you have some meaningful chats and check out a prospective home

Over the course of the week, you fall into a routine on early start days. You get up, take a quick shower, and make two mugs of coffee. You don't normally drink coffee every day, but for this purpose you're determined to keep up with it. The first mug is yours, made just how you like it. The other's black as night and so hot you have to move it using oven mitts.

Like clockwork, Black descends the stairs in running shorts and a sweatshirt a mere 15 minutes after your alarm goes off. You sit primly at the dining table, his coffee on the opposite end, and sip yours serenely.

On the first day, he looks from the mug to you for a second before turning up his nose and stomping out the door. You pour the mug back into the pot of coffee for Sans to drink later, then continue with your usual routine. It comes as no surprise that Black and Rus don't show up to the cafe that afternoon, but you'd been a little hopeful.

You spend your afternoon off napping and organizing your clothes into 'to be donated' and 'to keep' piles. If the house is going on the market, you'll have to get it ready to show and be packed up. First step, then, is to organize. You hate this part almost as much as hauling all the furniture across town. Sans has made it his job to locate the perfect house to move into, so that's left managing your current house all to you. Papyrus would've been happy to help (ecstatic even), but he's busy with his own work this week. Unfortunately, being the monster mascot occasionally calls for him to leave for days on end. This is such an occasion, and you don't expect him back until Friday.

Red watches you go through your clothes, sprawled out on your bed (his bed? you're pretty sure he's been sleeping in it, since Edge took the mattress on the floor...). He's got his skull propped up on an arm in a very casual pose that you're sure he thinks is alluring somehow.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” You ask after about 30 minutes of Red just sitting and watching you sort. You’re having some difficulties deciding what you want to get rid of and keep, and you have to curse past you for hoarding so many old clothes. Does this pair of jeans spark joy? Maybe?? What if you need it later? What if you never wear them again? It’s so much pressure.

Red snorts. “Better than hanging out with you? Na, not really.” His red eye lights follow your movements like a hawk. His attention was fun for a little while, but now it’s starting to get on your nerves. He’s not even saying anything most of the time... just sitting there, silently watching.

You’re a little cranky from being tired after your date and then going to work, but still. The staring is a little weird.

As if on cue, Edge’s harsh voice calls from downstairs, and Red gives you a wink and disappears. You breathe a sigh of relief and get back to work. He doesn’t reappear until after you finish sorting, and you part ways regardless so you can go set about making dinner. He hasn’t asked you out again, but you have a feeling he’s just giving you a little space before he makes another move. Even if he hasn’t been giving you actual physical space.

On the second day of your attempts to win Black’s heart, he snatches up the mug of coffee and chugs it, making eye contact the entire time. You cringe, imagining the third-degree burns that you'd get were you to try to replicate that. The mug gets slammed onto the table and Black leaves. You count that as a victory. They still don't show up to the cafe, but you'll live.

You move on from organizing your clothes to everything else in your room. The boys have been storing their clothes in folded piles in a corner (although in Red’s case it’s more of a wadded up mess), so you ignore that in favor of working on your books and whatnot. By the evening your room is neat and much emptier than last week. You think it'll only take upwards of three boxes to hold all your stuff.

You haven’t seen Red all day, but run right into Rus on your way into the living room. The force of the impact nearly knocks you onto the ground, but he steadies you with a hand on your waist.

“Woah, where’s the fire?” He’s got a cigarette held in a smirk and a laptop held under his arm.

“Hot on my heels, I’m sure. No smoking indoors, by the way.” You laugh at his scandalized expression and walk around him to collapse onto the couch. “I’m just done working for the day and excited to relax.”

Rus plops down next to you and kicks his feet up across the couch and over your lap, resting his ankles on the opposite armrest and effectively boxing you in. “Haven’t seen hide or hair of you in ages. Where ya been hiding, cutie pie?”

You rest your head on your hand and shrug. “It’s been what, two days? I’ve been busy working. When I’m done with paid work I’m stuck with home work, making sure everything’s ready to sell the house.”

He actually looks surprised at that, and you notice one of his eye sockets doesn’t open as far as the other- likely a result of the massive scar bisecting it. You think that might have something to do with how many wry expressions he gives; he’s kinda stuck that way. “Sellin’ the house, huh. Got tired of dealin’ with us already?”

You smack his leg gently. “The opposite, actually. Sans convinced me to cater to all my new guests and we’re working on getting you a _bigger_ house to freeload in.” You’re not sure where he’s going to find a 9 bedroom house in Ebott that you all can afford, but he seemed confident. “Where’s your brother? I don’t often see him without his entourage.”

“M’lord’s sorting out some business, said I should manage the home base while he’s away, sort some stuff out for him here.” Rus’ been watching you with an easygoing expression throughout the conversation, but something about the attention feels... off. He’s got you boxed in which, while it could just be friendly physical contact, is also keeping you captive for the conversation. And that’s why when he suddenly leans in and his violet eye lights are flashing dangerously in a way you can only describe as murderous, you’re very _very_ nervous. “M’lord’s got some issues with ya, ya know? Figured it’d be a good idea I work ‘em out before they become real problems for ya.”

Real problems? For _you?_ Was that a threat?

You don’t take kindly to being threatened in your own home, and particularly not by someone you’d actually considered a potential friend-in-the-making, but you’re at a disadvantage. This isn’t like your little arguments with Black or Edge, where you had backup and full mobility. Rus has got you cornered in a mostly empty house.

In true serious situation fashion, you react nervously and laugh. “Haha, what?” You have some issues with Black, sure. But were they really bad enough to get threatened over??

Rus leans back to give you some breathing room, but still has his serious face on. “He’s not real big on your attempts to befriend him. I think you should give him some space, a’ight?”

That was it? You nearly laugh, but school your expression as much as possible. You think Rus can still tell you find it kind of funny.

“He could’ve come to me with that himself, you know. I’ll leave him alone if his only problem with me is I’m being too _friendly_.”

“Mhm. I was thinking more like you keep it somewhere around... 20 feet of space, if you catch my drift.”

You give him your best incredulous look. “We live in the same house? _My_ house? And you want me to give him 20 feet of space at all times??”

Rus shrugs, slipping lower into the couch. “Yup. It’s in your best interest too. Might lose a limb if you keep at it the way you are.” Right.

“He realizes that he’s only staying here by my good graces and patience, right?” You don’t think you’d kick him out unless he like, murdered a puppy or something, but he’s managing to make you reconsider it. _He’s homeless, he’s homeless_ , you repeat to yourself, trying to find some semblance of patience for Black left. It’s a quickly drying puddle at this point, like if you were to poor a glass of water in the middle of the desert. You breathe in, breathe out. “Like, I could kick him out.” You won’t.

Probably.

You don’t like the harsh look Rus gives you in response to that. You put your hands up in surrender. “I don’t want to, trust me. I don’t wanna be the asshole here, hanging food and shelter over his head to control him or whatever. I just want him to behave like a normal person and not...”

“A tyrant?” Took the words right out of your mouth.

“Yeah. So far he’s been a real Napoleon Bone-aparte.” You give a little smile at Rus’ confused look. Maybe he hasn’t brushed up on his human history.

Rus lowers his legs to the floor, giving you breathing room and the opportunity for freedom. He sinks a little lower into the couch and shoves his hands into his hoodie’s pockets. “People say that about him a lot. He’s just used to having to act tough to get by. Being captain of the guard’s a rough job, ya know. Dangerous. Ya gotta keep up your reputation, otherwise you’re an easy target.”

Black was captain of the royal guard? You wrack your brain. Wasn’t that Papyrus’ dream, before he became the mascot? But you’d always thought that Undyne was-

There’s a clatter at the stairs as a box is tossed down it, ultimately meeting its demise and dumping its contents everywhere on the landing.

“Hold that thought,” You say and hop up to catch the culprit. Stretch is trying to casually walk back to his room. “Hey, dude? What the fuck?” This is not how moving is done.

“LANGUAGE!” Blue appears out of nowhere to wag a finger at you. “That’s one for the swear jar, human.” He then procures a _jar_ out of nowhere with some crumpled bills in it. Sometimes you wonder if these skeletons can actually warp time and space.

You hadn’t actually meant to say that out loud. Wait. Swear jar? How old is this guy? “I can swear in my house if I want to.” But... You heave a great big sigh at Blue’s dejected face. “If it bothers you, I can try to slow down on the bad words a little.” You can compromise for the sake of your housemates. You’ve done it before, you just need to get back into the habit since you have, count ‘em, _six_ new people to adjust to.

Blue grins his dazzling grin at you, and you can feel your frigid heart warming slightly. You think his little eye lights might be stars, but that could also be a trick of the light. Right? No, no, they’re _definitely_ stars. That’s painfully cute, but also slightly worrying. Are they supposed to be that shape?

“Thank you, friend! Does that mean-”

“No, I’m not donating to the swear jar. I will control myself, but I draw the line at giving you money for words.” You try to soften the blow with a gentle smile. “What’s your brother doing throwing boxes down the stairs?”

“I heard we’re moving, so I told Pa-Stretch to get his things together to make it easier!” The bundle of energy gestures at the crumpled box. “This seems to be his idea of packing. Not very effective if you ask me. He should’ve closed the box first!”

The box had, earlier, contained clothing. Now all that clothing was strewn about the area. You think maybe one pair of socks remains inside, but- oh, no it’s definitely empty.

“Uh, then can you set him straight? Because while yes, we’re moving- wait, who told you that?”

“Sans did, last night! He was moping around all evening so I tried to distract him with small talk! When I asked about his day, he said he was tired from searching for a new house for us!” Blue clasps his hands together and looks up at you with a smile to compete with Papyrus’. “It’s so exciting!! I’ve never moved before! We’ve always been in the same place- well, that is until we came up here- so to be moving into a brand new house in a place we’ve never seen is so exciting!”

You nudge some articles of clothing into the box with your foot. “It’s a lot of work, but it’s nice you’re excited. Could you tell your brother that he should put his stuff in the box nicely and just keep the box to the side for now? Because this is just in the way. We’re not moving today, and even if we were this is...” You gesture at the clothing everywhere. “Definitely not the way to go about it.”

Blue looks grumpy. Or as grumpy as someone with a perpetual grin can look. “I would, but he doesn’t always listen to me when it comes to cleaning and being organized... I’ve been trying to get him to pick up his shorts from the living room for _months_ and he just keeps leaving me jokey notes instead of just putting it in the laundry!” He crosses his arms, tapping the foot of his boot at a rapid pace. “Sometimes I think he only has motivation to be frustrating and make puzzles.”

A surprisingly candid conversation with Blue. You didn’t think a bundle of joy like him could contain a negative emotion, but here he is spilling his (metaphorical) guts to you. You don’t know what it is about you that makes people want to air all their grievances to you so soon after meeting you. Maybe you’re too approachable. You should get pointers from Edge and Black on how to be more intimidating.

You pat Blue’s shoulder comfortingly. “I’m sure he has his reasons. Maybe he doesn’t realize it annoys you so much, and thinks you’re just going along with the joke? Why don’t you tell him he’s bothering you?” You can’t see Blue keeping something like this to himself for long. Why not just bring it up to his brother?

Blue actually looks... fond, now. He stares at the floor with a rueful smile. “I couldn’t tell him something like that. He’s my little brother, I have to build him up, not put him down.” You don’t think telling him off about being a slob would be that terrible, but you keep your mouth shut. Blue finally looks up at you with a wink, his grin subdued, and you’re absolutely struck by how much he looks like Sans in that moment. “He might think he’s the protective one, always keeping an eye out for me and making sure I’m happy, but he has no idea the lengths I’ve gone for him.”

You haven’t interacted with Stretch and Blue that much since they first arrived but you can already tell you read Blue wrong when you first met him. He’s a lot more mature than he lets on. You realize you should never mistake optimism for naivety.

“Still, I think you could at least be honest with him. Keeping all this to yourself can’t be good for you.” Are all skeletons bad at communicating? You had this talk with Papyrus about Sans ages ago. It was a little different, but close enough.

He shakes his head. “He’s more sensitive than he let’s on. I can’t be honest with him about stuff like this, what kind of brother would I be if I hurt his feelings?”

Ooohhh boy this is a major can of worms here. You don’t think you’re qualified to deal with this kind of problem. What was it with these new skeletons and bringing drama into your life?

Luckily, you’re saved from having to recommend professional help by the arrival of your resident sleepy boy.

Sans appears in the foyer with a pop of blue magic. Completely ignoring the mess of clothes, he turns to you with an award winning grin.

“I’ve got one.”

You give him a confused look. “Got what?”

“A house. Been working my tailbone off trying to find the perfect one, and I think I’ve done it. We’ve got a showing in an hour.”

That was _remarkably_ fast. You say as much.

“Yeeeaahh, well. There’s a reason for that. Turns out the only houses the right size for us are mansions. Unless... you look out of town.” He gives you a wink. “There’s an old lodge just outside city limits that’s been on the market for a long while. They’ll give us a good price if we promise to remodel it a little bit. Got extra cabins for ‘guests’ if people don’t wanna share the main house, even.”

“That sounds too good to be true.” You’re skeptical. It sounds great, but... too great.

“That’s why we’ve got the showing. We’ll check it out and see if it’s worth our time. You’re free, right?”

You were. You were so free. But you were also tired and didn’t particularly want to go anywhere. _But_ this was also important, and seemed like an enticing offer. If you were actually committing to moving you’d have to do this eventually; look at houses, make offers, deal with contracts. You sigh.

“Yeah, alright. I’ll be ready to go in half an hour.” You turn to Blue. “ _Please_ get Stretch to clean this up before I get back.” You beg. Blue gives you a cheeky little salute and a ‘sir yessir’ and heads up to his room with a skip. What a weird little dude. You peek back into the living room to see a vacant space where Rus had been sprawled. Looks like he snuck away while you were occupied. You’re moderately relieved. “We driving or...?”

Sans shrugs. “We can drive. ‘m feeling a little lazy, ya know?”

“Too lazy to _teleport_.” You shake your head fondly and go back to lounging on the couch. Without Rus there to grill you for bothering his brother, it’s actually pretty relaxing. Sans follows you.

“Ready to go in thirty, huh?” He teases, kicking up his legs much in a similar way to Rus had. His legs aren’t nearly as long though, so it’s not nearly as restricting.

You close your eyes. “What? My afternoon chill was interrupted. We’ve got time.” You’re met with snores in response. That’s actually pretty tempting- you fight back a yawn. No! You’ll be late if you fall asleep for sure. There’s no way you’ll be out the door in thirty minutes if both you and Sans take a nap. You open your eyes and shake your head a little.

Deciding if you chill on the couch any longer that you’ll definetly fall asleep, you decide to get up and actually get ready to go to the showing. You slide out from under Sans’ legs and make your way up to Sans’ room. You’ve moved all your boxes of stuff into there by now in preparation of the move, so you can get dressed without having to kick Red and Edge out of your room. Is it still your room now that all your stuff is _out_ of it? Whatever, it won’t be your room for much longer anyway.

You switched into comfier clothes after you got home from work, but if you need to play the part of a responsible individual who can totally buy a new house you’ll need to look it. You put on a pair of slacks and a nice shirt. Easy.

You still have time to kill, so you go ahead and clean up Sans’ room a little. In reality you just make the piles of pillows and blankets that have been your ‘bed’ a little neater, but you like to think it detracts from the disaster zone a little. The room is a mess, and you don’t want to be part of the reason why.

You meet Sans downstairs after occupying yourself for the remaining time. He’s still asleep on the couch, but as you get closer he cracks an eye socket open and gives you a grin. “Ya finally ready to go?”

You give him a Look. “I’ve been ready for a while, sleepy head. I just didn’t want to fall asleep and make us miss an important appointment.”

Sans props himself up and slowly gets to his feet. “Aw, we would’ve been fine. I have great timing.”

You snort. “What? Since whe-”

“Comedic timing, that is.”

You stare at him. “I wouldn’t go so far as to say that.” There’s no bite to your words, and he knows it judging by his smug expression. “Let’s go. You have the directions?” He does, and the drive only takes about twenty minutes.

The house is in the woods outside the city towards the mountain, but you already live decently close to the edge of city limits. That means you wouldn’t add that much time to your commute to work. You’ll take that as a plus.

You can’t see the house as you pull off the main road onto what you presume would be the driveway, and it’s another few minutes of slowly driving on a winding path until you do.

First impressions? It looks haunted. You mention this to Sans, who laughs.

“Good thing skeletons are the prospective buyers then, heh. We’ll fit right in.”

“Be super popular on Halloween, that’s for sure.” You take a peek in the rear-view mirror. “Assuming anyone can find us, that is.”

There’s a large empty lot in front of the building where you assumed the ‘parking lot’ used to be when this place was inhabited. It’s roomy, certainly enough space for both Papyrus’ car and yours with room to spare. That’s good, in case the other boys get vehicles of their own.

When you get out of the car you notice the rumored ‘extra cabins’ peeking through the woods to the north. They look intact. You don’t think they’ll be used, but it’s good they’re in decent condition at least. Maybe you could rent them out to students to pay for the mortgage?

“Where’s the real estate agent?”

Sans shrugs. “They were busy today. This property isn’t their priority, and ‘pparently the key’s under the doormat. They gave us permission to look around without ‘em.”

You’re surprised. “They trust us not to break anything?”

Sans retrieves the key, under the doormat as promised, and gives you a wink. “What can I say? I just have one of those trustworthy faces.”

You can’t deny that.

The house is absolutely massive. From a distance it seemed large, and up close you can really tell why it’s considered a ‘lodge’ and not just a cabin. It’s three stories from the ground up, and you have a feeling it might have a basement as well. Either this was a bed and breakfast back in the day, or it was a ski lodge. The hills in the area seem the right type for it after all. Considering the great condition it’s in you have to wonder why it’s been on the market for so long.

When Sans opens the door you’re immediately bombarded with a cloud of dust. You wheeze and cough up a lungful.

“Man, Paps is gonna have a field day trying to clean this up.” Sans waves a hand in front of his face in an effort to dispel the cloud of dirt that got kicked up.

“If we buy it.” You add.

The foyer is large and opens up into an even larger room to the left. There’s a staircase up to the next floor, and on the right is another room you think could be a dining room and kitchen. Sans procures a bundle of papers from his jacket and clears his non-existent throat.

“Ten bedrooms, three bathrooms, a living room, dining room, kitchen, and what they call a ‘game room’ in the basement. The attic is unfinished, but good for storage.” He lowers the papers to look around. “Other than needing a lot of elbow grease to clean ‘er up, I think it’s good.”

You roll your eyes. “We haven’t even inspected the bedrooms, yet. What if they’re all moldy or something?”

Turns out all the bedrooms are all immaculate. Aside from the layer of dust to prove nobody’s been around in ages, there’s no sign of leaks or damage. The second floor has half of the bedrooms including the master bed and bath, and the third floor has the rest.

You have a feeling the master’s going to be fought over but you’ve got your sights set on the cute south-facing bedroom on the second floor. It’s got a nice closet and plenty of sunlight. Sans shows no preference towards the rooms but you know better. He’ll likely take the room next to Papyrus’, whichever that turns out to be.

The bathrooms have some pretty old facilities. The bathtubs are all the old fashioned kind with metal feet. You like the novelty of them, but think some of the taller boys will struggle a bit with the shower head heights. Aw well, maybe you could remodel one.

The attic is just as unfinished as the paperwork says, with bare insulation and strand board flooring. It’s empty but easily accessible by a hidden staircase. You think you’ll put the Halloween and Christmas decorations up there.

Sans laughs when you tell him. “So you like it, then?”

You shrug. “I doubt we’ll find a better place, and it’s _massive_. I can’t really complain, can I? It’s by far the most luxurious home I’ve ever been in, even if it’s a little outdated. It’s not perfect but it certainly could be someday.”

The kitchen could use some work for instance. It’s been pretty thoroughly stripped of appliances; you’ll have to get a fridge and stove. The center island is still present, thankfully, and you’re pleasantly surprised to see the top is... is that marble? Oh, no, it’s fake. It looks nice regardless.

“So,” Sans says when you end up back in the foyer, “We good? This the one?”

“Are there any alternatives? It meets our needs, but there’s no rush. Not like someone’s gonna buy it out from under us when it’s been on the market for what, five years?”

“True. We can wait until we’ve got an offer on the current place and then get all the paperwork sorted out. Sound good?”

“Perfect.”

Sans locks the door behind you, replacing the key where he found it. You shoot a quick text to Blue that you’re heading back. Might as well give him warning in case Stretch still hasn’t cleaned up his mess. You don’t know what you’d do if he hasn’t cleaned it up before you get back, but... you’ll cross that bridge if you come to it.

You’re about to unlock your car when Sans pops up under your arm. “Hey, wanna check out the cabins? It’s not the priority, but it might be good to know what comes with the property and how they’re holding up.”

You’re surprised. “Are you suggesting _more_ walking and work, Mr. Didn’t-Want-To-Teleport-Here?”

You get a shrug in response. “Not like I have anything else to do today, and if I’m spending money on it might as well be thorough the first time.”

You don’t think anyone would even end up using the cabins, but he has a point. You pocket your keys. “Who are you and what have you done with Sans?” You nudge him with your elbow. “Hey, what would you call your polar opposite?”

Sans gives you a look like ‘I don’t know where you’re going with this, but I’m intrigued’ and shrugs again. “Dunno, what?”

“Avec.”

He doesn’t get it. “I don’t get it,” he says as he shuffles along by your side.

“’Sans’ is ‘without’ in French. ‘Avec’ means ‘with’.” You grin, proud of yourself. “Get good, pun boy.” That gets a laugh out of him, and you feel even more proud of yourself. You’re positively glowing.

The first cabin you get to is closest to the house. You can’t find the key, so the owner must still have it. You peek through the windows to check the interior- everything seems to be in order. None of the windows are broken and there doesn’t seem to be any weathering on the inside. It’s basically just an old, dirty house. Nice!

You struggle to find the second cabin as it’s deeper into the woods. The path you tried to follow from the first cabin becomes overgrown very quickly, and you’re unable to figure out which way it leads. The forest is damp and dark on this side of the mountain. There’s less direct sunlight, and scraggly spruce trees flourish here instead of the happier-looking birch trees on the other side. It’s no wonder the lodge didn’t last long as a bed and breakfast or whatever- it was built on the darker, colder side of the mountain. Sure, it’ll get sunlight some of the time, but not nearly as much as the resorts on the south and west sides. It kinda makes the forest... creepy.

You’re glad you have Sans with you. You spare him a glance and can tell he’s totally at ease. He must not find dark forests creepy. To be fair, he grew up in a forest in a cave. Might put some things into perspective ‘monster in the woods’-wise when you _are_ the monster in the woods.

Still, you can’t shake the feeling of being watched the deeper you go into the forest.

The second cabin’s a bit more rundown than the first, but still acceptable. The paint is peeling and there’s a broken window, but otherwise there’s no signs of rot. After a quick once-around the cabin, you’re ready to leave, and you’re ready to leave _now_. You’re practically shoving Sans along back the way you came in your haste.

Sans doesn’t understand your anxiety. “What’s the rush, bud?”

You have no idea. You just don’t think it’s a good idea to be there any longer than necessary. You feel better the closer you get to the main lodge, and by the time you’re back in the car your paranoia is a only a small nagging feeling in the back of your mind.

The drive back to your house is uneventful. Sans sleeps in the passenger seat and you sit quietly with your thoughts.

The lodge is very nice; much nicer than you’d anticipated. It’s got enough space for everyone, it’s in a fine location, and it’s in good condition. Sans never told you the price, but he’s also the one managing the mortgage and paperwork. You’re just going to pay him what you normally pay every month, and supposedly that’ll be enough for your share.

When you pull into your driveway you’re ready to go to bed. It’s not even that late, but you’ve been working hard the past few days. You think it’s time for an early night to match your early mornings. Sans jokingly asks you to carry him in from the car, but you’re not even sure you can carry yourself.

The foyer is clean when you walk in, but you barely even notice. You’re a zombie, and you crave your bed. Sans disappears with a yawn as you head for the stairs. The room feels empty without Papyrus in it, and Sans is nowhere to be seen. If he didn’t teleport to bed, you have a feeling he won’t be sleeping for a few hours. He’s likely gone to work on one of his projects.

When you wake up, Sans has migrated once again from his bed. He’s now tucked up under your chin and holding onto you like he’s lost at sea and you’re his life preserver. You’re working the register today so you don’t have to get up early, but now that you’re awake you don’t know if you’ll be able to sleep again. The fact you’re being hugged very firmly is definitely a part of the reason why. Usually Papyrus is the sleep hugger. Sans must be lonely without his little brother around.

You try to pull free, but Sans must be stronger than he looks (and acts). He got an iron grip around your waist that you can’t seem to break. Your efforts don’t even faze him either. He just keeps on snoring despite your increasingly forceful struggles. Eventually you give up and resign yourself to suffer through the cuddle. Could be worse. You could actually have to get up for work and end up late. At least you won’t have to face Black this morning and potentially piss of Rus again.

You end up dozing for the next couple hours. Your alarm ultimately wakes Sans up enough to get him to release you and roll over into a pile of blankets. He resumes sleeping, facedown into a comforter that muffles his snores. Your morning ritual’s a bit delayed now, but it’s still earlier than most people in the house seem to wake up. Blue’s in the living room doing... yoga... or something when you go by.

“Ah, good morning, friend! It’s nice to see someone else productive before noon!”

You give him a wave (and a yawn, but you try to hide it). “Don’t let me fool you. I miss the days when I could sleep in ‘til noon.” You get the coffee pot going and backtrack to take a seat on the couch. “Every waking moment before eleven feels like an eternity.”

Blue doesn’t seem to appreciate your dramatics. “But the morning is the best time of the day! The sun is shining, the day has only just begun so you have so much time to do things!”

You have to wonder if Blue’s ever worked in the service industry. You have a feeling the answer is ‘no’.

The coffee beeps at you and you relish your ability to just sit and waste time before ultimately hauling yourself back to the kitchen to get caffeine potion. You monitor the clock while you sip your drink and you can feel yourself slipping into a slight doze when an alarm goes off in the distance. It rings a few times before being cut off. You’re halfway through your coffee and 15 minutes away from leaving for work when Sans appears in your face.

“We-” You choke on your coffee in surprise, startling Blue into falling out of his stance and into a pile of limbs on the floor. “Sorry. We’ve got an offer on the house.”

You cough violently, trying to dispel the liquid from your lungs. You’re going to have to change your shirt- it’s covered in coffee.

Blue looks up at you in alarm from his spot on the floor. “Are you okay??” He pulls himself to his feet and pats your back firmly. “Don’t drown in your drink!”

You give him a look and turn back to Sans. “I haven’t even put it on the market yet, how can there be an offer already?” You manage to get the sentence out around choking wheezes. The patting on your back isn’t helping, but you don’t have the heart to tell Blue to quit it.

Sans shrugs sheepishly. “I, uh, might’ve done it after you agreed to move.” That still doesn’t explain how there could be an offer so fast. “The Ebott real estate market is competitive, what can I say? People wanna move here.” Ah.

“So you’re going to put an offer on the lodge, then?”

Sans nods, moving to shove his hands in his hoodie pockets before realizing he’s not _wearing_ his hoodie. He’s in his pajamas. “I’ll do that today. You think we’ll be ready to move in by this weekend?”

You look around the room. Everything’s exactly where it should be. The only things in boxes are your things and (you assume) Stretch’s clothes.

“I packed all of my things!” Blue interjects. “It wasn’t hard! I don’t have very many things right now.” That’s kinda sad. You make a note to take Blue shopping again. Maybe he’d like to go to that comic shop Papyrus likes? They have all sorts of neat figures and board games and such. They might have similar interests.

You think you can get everything packed up and ready to go by this weekend. You can’t have _that_ much stuff. “Yeah, I can manage it.” You turn to Blue. “You’re available to help out, right?”

“I’d be happy to assist with whatever you require!” Blue says. “I’m great at organizing!” You don’t doubt it.

Sans staggers dramatically, putting the back of his hand to his forehead. “Oh no, I’m going to be too busy sorting paperwork and handling home inspections on the lodge grounds to help pack. Whatever will you do?”

You have a feeling you’ll be more productive without him anyway. “Suffer, probably” You spare a glance at your watch and jolt. You should’ve left five minutes ago and you still have to change your shirt!

Sans notices your panic. You stare at him. He stares back. This goes on for a moment.

“Are... you going to offer to shortcut me to work so I won’t be late?” You ask slowly.

“Oh. Oh! Is that what that look was for? I thought you were just admiring my mug.” You groan and Sans laughs. “No need to be bitter. Sure, I can give you a ride.” Blue giggles for some reason you can’t place, and you shake your head.

You run up to your room and grab a clean shirt, changing quickly. Sans is still in his pajamas when you return. He’s sprawled himself out on the couch and is watching Blue continue his yoga(?) with disinterest.

“If I’m shortcuttin’ ya then you’ve got a latte time, right? You could grab another cup of coffee.” Blue laughs again and now you’re _really_ confused.

You really just want to get to work and get it over with. You’re going to be busy for the rest of the week working his move out, and the sooner you get done with work the better. “It’s okay if I’m early. Can you take me now?”

“Wanna get right to the daily grind, eh?” Sans loops an arm through yours. “Hold on tight.”

Sans pulls you forward a couple steps and you have the sensation of falling before suddenly you’re outside the cafe. Sans releases you and is about to leave with a wave and a ‘see ya’ when you suddenly realize. You grab his arm as he turns away.

“You were making coffee puns!”

Sans smirks at you. “There’s no need to get heated, bud.”

You grumble halfheartedly and release him. “They were pretty good.” You admit. Sans gives you a cheeky wave and trots off, disappearing a few steps away.

You head into work, now filled with a purpose. You’re gonna get through the day, then get everything ready to move. You have a lot of work ahead of you, but you’re excited to see what happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only edited this once so there might be some inconsistencies/typos. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ have a filler chapter. the real good stuff starts in the next one ;) as always, lemme know if there's anything you wanna see in particular. i have a rough idea of where this is gonna go but i do enjoy prompts and the like.
> 
> Not featured:
> 
> -Red changed his phone wallpaper to a drunken selfie with you
> 
> -Sans’ pun senses going off. he doesn’t know what you said, but he knows it was a good one
> 
> -Black is very concerned when you aren’t there in the morning. he’s sure you’re hiding somewhere, waiting to ambush him with your misplaced kindness. he knows you’re planning something. he will not be caught off guard!!


	5. Hunger of the Pine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> moving day

The time comes when you finally have everything in boxes and you need to actually move it all. With the exception of the large pieces of furniture you can bring most of it by car. Red and Sans offered to take care of the furniture, while Black insisted on being driven over by Papyrus with his things. You suppose having him and Rus handle their own things is the most you can ask of them, as, in Black’s immortal words, ‘I don’t owe you anything!!’ Blue at least was more than happy to help you, and even enlisted Stretch to come along.

You can barely fit everything you need to in your car, but pull it off with some compromises on the parts of your passengers. Stretch is squished into the passenger side of your car with a box on his lap and a bag at his feet, while Blue is buried among the boxes in the back.

When you get to the lodge it’s in better condition than when you first looked at it. Sans hired professional cleaners at some point in the last few days to spare Papyrus and Edge having to do it themselves, and you’re rather impressed. Aside from the grimy exterior, the house actually looks great.

Blue accidentally dumps some boxes out of the car as he tries to free himself, but the moment he’s out he has those cute stars in his sockets. He and Stretch haven’t seen the house yet, and you’re enjoying the chance to see them react to it.

Stretch is just as impressed, giving a low whistle as he exits the car. “Damn, it’s bigger than I expected,” he says. “We get to live here?”

You nod. “You can pick your rooms and everything. Nobody’s claimed any yet so they’re all free game.” You grab some of the lighter boxes (you’ll leave the heavy ones for Future You) and head on over. The driveway stops short of the house, so you have to pick your way through the sizable overgrown front yard to the door. Sans gave you a pair of keys earlier that day, so you unlock the lodge and let your companions inside.

You didn’t know Blue could get more excited, but here you are. He’s practically bouncing off the walls, examining every nook and cranny of the lodge. To be fair, there’s a lot. It’s a roomy place, and you have to wonder if there’s any secret compartments or rooms. It’s certainly old enough to have some weird architecture.

Stretch is a bit more composed, but you’re not sure if that’s because he’s not as excitable as his brother or if he’s over the experience already. Regardless, the fun and games will have to end eventually so you can move everything inside. You don’t expect Black, Rus and Papyrus to show up for another hour, and Sans and Red are definitely going to procrastinate moving the furniture even later than that.

You have the next four days off to sort out the move, and you plan to cash in as many of those days being lazy as possible. You think you can have the house all set up in two days, leaving you the next two to just chill. You’re very excited at the prospect of doing nothing.

Through the power of teamwork, it doesn’t actually take that long to bring the boxes in. You’re delighted by how strong Blue is- for someone Sans’ height and build, he proves to be shockingly athletic. Stretch on the other hand takes the true Sans route, moving boxes with blue magic and very rarely bringing something inside using his arms. It’s almost humorous how determined he is to move as little as possible.

You decide to take a break from unpacking after a while.

“Why don’t we pick out our rooms??” Blue suggests. “We can get the good ones before the others get here!”

“That’s a great idea, bro. Why don’t you go first?” Stretch says. He doesn’t get up from his spot on the floor, legs propped up on a box.

You snort. “Yeah Blue, let’s ditch the lazybones and find the best rooms.” You already know which room will be yours, but whatever. You can live the lie for the fun.

Blue lights up and grabs your hand, leading you up the stairs. You stick your tongue out at Stretch as you leave, and he shocks you by doing the exact same thing back at you?? How could you have lived with the skeleton brothers for so long and never realized they could have tongues?? What the fuck??? You’re going to reevaluate everything you thought you knew. He laughs at the scandalized look on your face and you’re delighted to realize he makes little ‘nyeh heh’ sounds just like Papyrus. What a roller coaster of emotions.

Blue distracts you by dragging you into every room, examining them thoroughly before moving on.

You don’t provide much commentary- you’re still recovering from your previous revelation. You do point out the room you picked out on your first visit. “This one’s mine. It’s cozy.” It’s nearly identical to every other bedroom in the building, but it speaks to you. It overlooks the hills and woods and gets plenty of sun. Maybe you’ll paint a mural on the wall or something. Spice things up.

Unsurprisingly, Blue immediately picks the room next to yours. “We can be neighbors!” He cheers. “You can come over and ask for sugar when you run out, just like in those old films!!”

You can’t help but laugh at his logic. What a dork. You don’t even bother to remind him you keep your sugar in the kitchen. He can keep his delusions. You turn around and nearly walk straight into Stretch, slouching in the doorway.

“You guys sure work fast. I’ll take the room next over, then. The others can fight over the big rooms.”

You nod. “Neat.” Wait, when had he looked at the bigger rooms?

There’s a knock on the front door that draws all your attention. It’s followed swiftly by a crashing sound as someone kicks the door down.

“We have arrived!” Edge shouts. “You are required to come assist us in bringing our luggage inside.” You sincerely hope your front door wasn’t broken down on the first day. The number of times you had to replace the front door on your old house because of Papyrus’ ‘dramatic entrances’...

You go down and help. Papyrus has more things than Edge, Black and his brother, but together it’s quite a lot. You have no idea how they fit this all in Papyrus’ car and you don’t care to ask. When it comes to skeletons, you’ve learned not to question their bending of the laws of physics.

It takes much longer to unload Papyrus car and trailer, somehow. You have more people, many of whom prove to be just as strong as Undyne (why are they all so strong?? your arms are noodles by comparison), but somehow everyone works much slower than when it was just you, Blue and Stretch. There’s more arguing, you think. You can’t take a single step with a box that belong to Edge or Black without being criticized and threatened.

“No no no, over there. To the left. Not that corner! The other back corner! The other left.”

“If you drop that, your life is forfeit. My wrath will be swift and indiscriminate.”

You nearly drop the box out of spite.

When Red and Sans show up with the furniture, you’re nearly done with unloading the trailer. All the personal belongings have been brought in and it’s just random living room and kitchen boxes left. Edge and Black mysteriously disappeared the moment their things were inside, and Blue got distracted with decorating his room. Rus walked off for a smoke break half an hour ago and never returned, shockingly leaving Stretch as the only person helping.

Sans shows up first, appearing on the lawn with a pop of blue magic. He’s reclined in the armchair with a pair of sunglasses, and he gives you a jaunty wave when you turn around.

“That goes in the living room, pal.” You drawl. “You’re about 20 meters off course.”

Sans shrugs. “It’s a new house. My shortcuts aren’t perfect.”

Red promptly disproves that by shortcutting into the living room with the coffee table- you can see him through the front window. You gives Sans a pointed look.

“Okay okay, ya got me.” In a blink he’s gone, popping up in the living room milliseconds later. He and Red exchange a few words but you can’t make out what. Unsurprisingly, it’s hard to read lips on someone that doesn’t have any.

You feel a shiver go down your spine and grimace. Maybe you should’ve worn a sweater.

You bring in the last few boxes with Stretch's help as the other two continue to shortcut back and forth with the furniture. The beds, unfortunately, are a bit more difficult. They have to coordinate with the people in the room, making sure to grab the correct bed and shortcut them to the right spot.

When it comes to be your turn, Red casually shoves Sans out of the way to be the one to retrieve it.

“Where you want it, babe?” He coos. “I’ll get it for ya.”

You gives him an amused look at point at the corner near the window. “There’s good. I can always scoot it around if I change my mind.”

Hilariously, Sans is actually the first one to shortcut away _and_ the first one to come back with the bed. He’s splayed out on his back, looking for all intents and purposes like he’s about to take a nap.

Red reappears, furious. “Hey, I called dibs!”

“Aw, don’t be a sore loser, hothead.”

“Why I oughta-”

You leave before things escalate.

Stretch is still organizing things in the living room, putting the boxes in neat piles by category. You can’t believe it. You’d really thought he was super lazy, but he’s... actually been the most helpful.

“Need any help, Stretch?” You ask. You make your way over to him, taking a look around. At this point, you think you only need to unpack the boxes.

“Uh, nah, I think I’m done for the day.”

Fair enough.

“You did a lot of work today,” you say. “I’m really grateful.” You hesitate. Guess you should be honest, huh? “I, uh... kinda thought you weren’t... this... I didn’t think you had this good a work ethic? I mean. I-”

“You thought I was lazy,” Stretch supplies. He’s clearly amused.

“Yeah.”

“Well you would be right. I’m spectacularly lazy.” He gives you a shrug and a wink. “No arguments there.”

“But you’ve done a lot of good stuff today!” You insist. “You helped when even Blue stopped. I just wanted to thank you for that. You deserve a long break.”

Stretch actually blushes. “Oh. Well. Thanks. I was just tryin’ to help you, ya know. And sometimes it’s nice to organize things.”

You give him a smile and go through your mental checklist. If everything’s organized and all the boxes are in, that means the only thing left is furniture. From what you can see, everything’s already been brought over except the couch. Time to find Sans and Red and make sure they get back on track.

Unfortunately, it takes both of them to bring it over with how tired they are. You can’t help but tease them about it a little. They had arguably the easiest job (even if they spent a lot of magic), and yet they’re the only ones acting like they ran a marathon.

Edge and Black actually came downstairs to survey the results of the day. They don’t seem pleased with the number of unpacked boxes, but considering they didn’t do anything except what was theirs, you’re proud of what you accomplished.

Red looks like he’s about to pass out from exertion, wheezing dramatically and bent over with his hands on his knees. “It was a lotta heavy stuff and a lotta shortcuts, a’ight? I never said I was in shape.”

“You’re certainly a shape,” Edge grumbles. You snort and he gives you a glare. Oh, maybe that’s a joke reserved for the brothers.

“Have you no manners, human?” Black sneers. Oh boy. Edge smirks down at you, seemingly pleased to have someone on his side.

“Precisely. You’d think our cousins would interact with someone with more... class.” _Oh boy._ Why did there have to be two of them? Sans gives you a sympathetic shrug, but otherwise doesn’t get involved. Traitor.

The evening continues like that for awhile. You move boxes around, trying to get them where they’re supposed to go while unpacking things as you need them. Within an hour you’re just as exhausted as Red was and ready for bed. Everyone breaks for the evening, most of the boys heading to their new rooms while some others opt to explore.

Unfortunately, you can’t find the box with your night and bathroom things in your room. You refuse to go to bed without your pajamas and brushing your teeth. You’re going to break this house in the right way, and completing a proper nightly ritual is how you want to do it. You search all the other rooms, but the box is nowhere to be found. You were certain it got brought in, and you’d even labeled it clearly.

Stretch is sprawled out on the couch, half-asleep and half-watching the TV as you scour the living room. He must’ve set it up when you weren’t looking.

You lean over the back of the couch to look down at him. “Did we leave a box in the car?” You ask.

Stretch shrugs. “Maybe. I didn’t see anything when I checked, but I also didn’t look very hard.”

You sigh. Lazybones, every one of them. You pull on your jacket and slip on a pair of slippers. “I guess I’ll go check. In the dark. All by myself.” You stand in the doorway and look back at him.

“Good luck.” He gives you a wink. “Stay safe.”

“I have no say in the matter,” you grimly reply.

“Die then.”

You groan and slip out the front door. The temperature has been dropping at night the last few weeks, a sign that summer is surely coming to a close. You’re excited for autumn. Cooler temperatures means sweater weather! AKA more opportunities to steal Sans’ hoodie.

You can already tell you’ll hate having your car so far away from the house. The front yard is huge, and while it’s overgrown and a mess, you don’t want to park on it. Still, the driveway is way farther than it should be. You use your phone as a flashlight and carefully maneuver around thorny bushes and weeds. It’s... kind of creepy. First night in a new place, in the middle of the woods, and you have to go to your car by yourself? That’s horror movie bait.

You unlock your car and take a peek around. It’s utterly empty, meaning you had to have left the box in a weird place and forgotten about it. You heave a sigh. A tingle goes down the back of your neck and you grimace. It’s chillier than you’d expected-

“Axe-cuse me.”

You startle and smash your head onto the roof of your car with a shout, then groan in pain and hold your head with both hands. “Sans _what the fuck is your problem_ -” You whirl around, ready to give your friend a piece of your mind, but flinch back in surprise.

The skeleton standing before you looks painfully like Sans, if Sans had been through a blender recently. The flashlight on your phone isn’t doing him any favors, but you have a feeling he’d look terrifying in any light. He’s taller than Sans by at least a head, and one of his eye sockets is completely vacant while the other is blindingly red. The grin he’s sporting wouldn’t look out of place on a serial killer; there’s just... too much teeth. All that doesn’t hold a candle to his most notable feature, the massive gaping hole in his skull.

There’s a pressure in the air, and you have a feeling you need to be very careful about what you say or do next.

The spooky skeleton slowly tilts his head to the side, reaching up to tug at his empty socket and give you an appraising look. “’m thinkin’ you might be the one with a problem. That any way to greet a new pal?” He doesn’t say anything else, just stares at you blankly, so you take the opportunity to try your hand at politely handling the situation. You can keep your cool. Your heart is racing from the surprise, but you think you can handle this.

You clear your throat. “R-right. Sorry. You startled me.” That was an understatement. You introduce yourself, forcing a smile. “Are you one of Sans’ cousins? I, uh, wasn’t expecting any more to show up.” Especially not late at night in the middle of the woods at your brand new place. How’d he get this address?

“’Sans’ cousin’?” The skeleton echoes. He stares a bit too long, and just when you wonder if he maybe isn’t going to continue, he snorts. “Think you’re confused, pal.” He extends the hand not tugging at his socket towards you. “I’m Sans, Sans the skeleton.”

You’re so confused you accidentally leave him hanging, instead hugging yourself to try and stay warm (and calm). He slowly replaces his hand in his hoodie pocket. “What?” It’s your turn to stare at him. “That’s impossible.” Or... is it? You can’t help but remember the first explanation Sans gave after you interrogated him. ‘Alternate reality versions of myself and my brother’? There’s no way. ...Unless there is? But wouldn’t that mean there would also be a-

“How could you leave me behind, brother?? I thought we were going to introduce ourselves together!”

You turn your head to face the voice and spot an absolute giant of a skeleton fighting the underbrush at the edge of the woods. You can’t tell if he had it better or worse than Scary Sans, but you know he had it bad to some degree. Like an uncanny valley version of your friend Papyrus, his teeth are too many and too long for his skull and his eye sockets much too small. His limbs seem too long and narrow, and you think you might be feeling faint.

“Oh you know me, bro, I had to meet ‘em first, make sure they were ready to experience your greatness.” Scary Sans gives you a sharp look, and you get the message loud and clear.

“Hello, human!!” Tall Papyrus shouts, grabbing your hand and giving it a firm shake. “It’s a pleasure to meet you!” There’s no way this isn’t a tragic Papyrus. You’d know your best friend anywhere, or in this case, anyhow.

Scary Sans chuckles. “Heh, meet.” Tall Papyrus gives him a Look. You don’t get it. You have a feeling you don’t want to.

You return the handshake and give him your best smile. Or at least you try to. You’re not sure how well you succeed. “Likewise. You’re... Papyrus?”

Sure enough, in proper Papyrus fashion, he dramatically reels back with a hand on his chest. “You already know my name??”

Scary Sans is still staring at you with that slasher smile. You nod nervously. “Your... uh... reputation precedes you? You’re just... so cool, how could I not hear about you?” You really hope this doesn’t backfire somehow.

It’s at that moment that many things happen in quick succession.

Stretch steps out the front door with a box under his arm and an unlit cigarette between his teeth. “Found your stuff, dude.” He makes eye contact with you and your new skeleton companions and drops the box and cigarette in surprise. He moves to take a step forward, and before you can even react there’s suddenly the cold sharp edge of something pressed to your neck.

Scary Sans has moved to stand behind you, and from the shape of the weapon you think he might be holding a massive axe to your throat. You’ve been brought in close enough to the Sans behind you that you can actually smell him, and you wheeze in discomfort at the acrid smell of iron hitting your nose.

“Brother, we talked about this!! We were going to handle this calmly and diplomatically!!” Tall Papyrus exclaims in dismay. He’s got his hand on his hips and is giving his brother a very disappointed look. You can barely see it out of the corner of your eye, too afraid to move your head for fear of pressing the axe closer to your neck.

“I’m super calm, bro. Just making sure everyone else is gonna be, too.” Scary Sans’ voice is ridiculously nonchalant for the situation and you do not appreciate it.

“This is! _Not the way!!_ To keep me calm!” Stretch says. He’s standing rigid in the doorway. His hands are trembling, and for you to be able to make it out from this distance is remarkable.

You force yourself to take a deep breath and lean back slightly. The axe follows. “I’m not calm either! Super not calm! What’s going on? Why are you doing this??”

Scary Sans shrugs, the axe shifting with the movement. “I’ll let ya know after sweatpants over there gets all the others together for a nice little chat.” Stretch nods and slowly, oh so slowly, inches his way back into the house before bolting.

“You could’ve just knocked on the door and asked to talk??” You whisper-scream. “Why are you holding me hostage so you can have a chat??”

There’s shouting emanating from the house now, and Scary Sans steps back to take a seat on the hood of your car, pulling you back with him to keep you within arm’s reach and behind the axe blade. “Yeah, suppose so. But you were already out here, and I’m all for convenience. Yer just collateral so we can be sure the others don’t do anything stupid.”

You have a feeling this situation is definitely going to result in the others doing stupid things. You just hope you don’t get caught in the crossfire.

It’s not long before multiple skeletons show up, Red, Sans and Blue appearing in the blink of an eye and all in varying states of panic. Blue takes a step towards you, but the Sans behind you adjusts the axe in warning.

“Don’t worry, human!! We will rescue you!” Blue exclaims.

Red’s hands are clenched tight. “Yeah, just sit tight, babe. We’ll sort this out.” You’re not sure what you could do aside from ‘sit tight’.

Sans appears calm but you can see beads of sweat on his skull and his grin is strained. “Uh. Hey pal, what’s goin’ on here?”

The strange Papyrus huffs dramatically. “Yes, brother. Care to deal with the situation you started?”

“Sure thing, bro. Just wait a second.”

Not even a second later, the other skeletons arrive. Stretch and Papyrus burst through the front door, followed closely by Rus, Black and Edge.

“Where’s the emergency???” Papyrus shouts before making eye contact with you. You give him a little wave, and he starts panicking. “Why’re they being threatened by one of our cousins??”

“That’s the question of the night, creampuff.” Rus grumbles.

You don’t think Black and Edge are particularly concerned for your safety, but they’re at least taking the situation seriously. They’re watching Scary Sans with harsh expressions.

“Now that everyone’s here, we can go ahead and answer your questions.” Scary Sans says. He actually pulls the axe slightly closer, causing you to lean farther back to avoid your throat being cut. “My bro and I showed up outta the blue here a few days ago. We figured out it was an alternate reality pretty quick, but couldn’t find ya ‘til we sensed a lotta void magic in this direction a couple’a hours ago.” That must’ve been when Sans and Red went back and forth shortcutting the furniture.

“Join the club, bub. We’re all new here. That doesn’t explain why you decided to take our human hostage!” Red growls.

Scary Sans laughs, and even though it sounds just like one of Sans’ usual chuckles, there’s an underlying threatening tone that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. “Ya taken a good look at us yet, bucko? We ain’t exactly as cuddly as you lot. Had to take precautions you wouldn’t attack us without axe-in’ questions first.”

There’s a lengthy silence in which you stand there awkwardly. Rus breaks it with a low whistle. “That’s a hell of a LV.”

Sans finally takes initiative, taking a few slow steps forward. The axe stays where it is for now. “I get your logic, bud, but threatening our pal isn’t a good way to keep us from attacking you. Let ‘em go.”

The other Papyrus put his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Release them, brother.” He says gently. “It’s the right thing to do.”

He doesn’t move. “Promise ya won’t attack us?”

Sans hesitates. You make eye contact and give him a reassuring smile.

“I promise.”

There’s a round of agreement from the other skeletons. Notably, Black and Edge don’t say anything.

Scary Sans shrugs and tosses the axe away. It lodges itself into a tree trunk with a solid ‘thud’. You immediately breathe a sigh of relief and fall to your knees. You hold a hand to your throat and are surprised to see a small smear of blood on your hand when you pull it away. You didn’t even feel anything- the blade must’ve been razor sharp to make a hairline cut like that without you noticing. Blue rushes over and helps you to your feet, leading you back to your friends. Papyrus moves your hand out of the way with a sad little hum and presses his own in its place. There’s a feeling of warmth, and when he pulls away you’re pretty sure the wound is gone. Magic is ridiculous.

“Now that that’s outta the way,” Scary Sans says, “I’d say introductions are in order but I think we’re all on the same page here.”

They’re all Sans and Papyrus _confirmed_. You think you’re going to have an aneurysm.

“Hope we didn’t go through all this ‘cause ya wanted to go home,” Red spits. “’cause that ain’t happenin’ fer a long time.”

Scary Sans laughs again. “You kiddin’? I’m not in a hurry to get back there.” His Papyrus looks guilty. “I’m just lookin’ for a place to stay for me and my bro.”

Oh. Convenient that you just recently moved into a massive house then.

“No way!” Red snarls. “Ya think ya get to saunter up here threatenin’ people and then get to move in?”

“I dunno if you passed the housemate interview. We have a strict ‘no harming the human’ rule, ya know?” Sans agrees. “I’m thinkin’ ya might haveta look elsewhere.”

You and Blue share a look.

“Isn’t it your fault that they are here, brother?” Papyrus pipes up. Why do you always get information like this secondhand and during conflict? Why can’t people just be forthcoming? “I believe we owe it to them to give them another chance!” You’re inclined to agree. You’re still shaking, but if they are just a different Sans and Papyrus then they can’t be that bad, right? Wow, that sheds some light on why you’re so determined to get Black to like you.

“Yeah... I suppose...” Sans grimaces, eye lights flickering to you. You nod firmly at him. “They hurt you, so if you’re okay with it then it’s fine with me.”

“What??” Red is not happy.

“It’s the human’s decision,” Blue agrees. “But I agree with Papyrus. Everyone deserves a second chance!”

“I’m with my bro on this one,” Stretch says, “With LV like that it’s no wonder they wanted to be sure we wouldn’t attack at first sight. I’d want some collateral too.”

You’ve already made your decision by now. “We’ve got room to spare, and he wasn’t actually going to hurt me, right?”

Scary Sans shrugs, “No guarantees.”

“Not doing yourself any favors, pal.” Sans warns. “You’re on thin ice.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and noticeably relaxes. “There’s only one room left, but there’s a cabin over that way-”

“We can share a room,” Scary Sans interrupts. “We don’t care where we are long as we’re fed.”

“Great!” Papyrus crows. “Now that that’s sorted! What should we call you?? Nicknames are step three of the friendship manual, of course, but I’m sure we can skip a few chapters since we’re all practically family anyway!” You have to wonder how exactly Sans explained the situation to Papyrus. He doesn’t seem to want to let go of the ‘cousin’ angle, even if they’re all literally just variations on the same person.

Black scoffs, finally speaking up. “If we’ve moved on from the life threatening emergencies to a friendship circle, I think I’m free to return to my room. Mutt?” Black has his glare pinned on the new skeleton duo. Rus stands at attention. “Caution.” With that, he stomps back into the house.

Edge turns up his nose, following after Black. “I will be taking my leave as well. If you need me, I will be in my room.”

“Uh. How ‘bout ‘axe’ fer a nickname?” Red suggests to break the silence. “Since ya... were using an axe?”

That doesn’t sit right with you. If you’re going to give him a second chance, shouldn’t you put the axe situation behind you?

“Doesn’t matter to me,” the Sans says. “’s just a name.”

You look up, wracking your brain. What would be a good name? You turn your attention back to the battered skeleton. He’s definitely identifiable compared to the others. He’s got the most variation in appearance, even if it’s because he looks like he’s been run over by a truck. But naming him after the crack in his skull is probably super rude, so maybe-

“Jupiter?” You blurt.

The Sans in question turns his slasher smile on you. “What?”

“You know. Jupiter. The planet.”

“I know what Jupiter is,” he snorts. “Why?”

“Well, uh. You only have one eye light? And it’s like Jupiter’s storm. Big. Red.” You laugh nervously, suddenly concerned that maybe it was a rude suggestion.

“I think it’s a fine idea!” The Tall Papyrus suddenly exclaims. “Maybe having a name that’s more than one syllable will make you less lazy!”

That gets a laugh out of him. “A’ight, if my bro likes it then I’ll take it.” The newly dubbed Jupiter gives you a look you can’t quite read. “You’re a weird human, huh.” What? You’re not sure how to respond to that.

“Now it’s my turn!” Jupiter’s Papyrus says. “Have you got any ideas for me??” He’s clearly very excited about this.

Your Papyrus is thinking hard, looking like he might have an idea before second guessing himself and staying quiet. That’s unusual.

“I’d rag on your height,” Stretch says, “but nicknames like that are in short supply. Think we need somethin’ more original for you.”

Rus is the first one to come up with something. “’Crooks’? ‘Cause of his teeth? Those’re some real noteworthy chompers after all.” You can tell by the immediate crestfallen expression the tall Papyrus has that you are absolutely not calling him that. He looks like a kicked puppy! No way in hell are you ever making him look that sad ever again.

He probably likes puzzles, just like your Papyrus does. But that doesn’t give you any ideas... Papyrus is always smiling, and even if this Papyrus has... an unfortunate dental history, he’s still smiling as widely as he can. You think you can work with that.

“How about Cheshire? We could call you Chess for short.” You suggest tentatively. The tall skeleton surprises everyone by surging forward and pulling you into a hug that lifts your feet clear off the ground.

“It’s perfect!” Chess nuzzles the top of your head for a moment before Jupiter interrupts by pulling on his shirt. Who said these skeletons couldn’t be cuddly?

“Don’t you wanna go inside, bro?”

Chess gently sets you back down onto the ground and you suddenly realize something. “Wait, if you’ve been here for a few days... have you been in the woods this whole time?” You ask, concerned.

Jupiter shrugs. “We’re used to it.”

“What did you eat?? You must be starving!” You think there might be some leftovers in the fridge... you’ll have to double check before making promises. Whatever, you can always cook something quickly if need be.

Jupiter laughs, though there isn’t any humor in it. “We’re used to that, too.” He says it with such sincerity you don’t doubt it. What had these two been through? “But if you got food, we’ll take it.”

You head straight for the kitchen, followed closely by your squad of skeletons. Jupiter and Chess are practically drooling by the time you’ve pulled out the tupperware, and they don’t even wait for it to be heated up before digging in with ferocity. You don’t think you’ve seen anyone eat Papyrus’ spaghetti this fast before, or with as much... passion. You shoo the gawkers out of the kitchen to give them some space, and gather them all in the living room.

Sans notices your attention on him immediately and shrinks away.

“So.” You start. Sans doesn’t say anything, but he gives you his best nervous grin. “When were you going to tell me you’re all alternate universe versions of each other?”

Red laughs loudly. “Hah! I win!” He points at Sans with a triumphant look. “Told ya they’d figure it out in the first week.”

He made a bet?? That you wouldn’t notice?? You noticed almost immediately, you just dropped it at his request! You think you might have to shove this skeleton in a closet.

Sans laughs nervously. “I was gonna tell you soon?” You don’t believe that for a second.

“How could you lie to me about something like this?” You’re not angry. Well, that’s not true. You’re angry. But beyond that, you think you’re just sad he didn’t trust you with this. Maybe you weren’t as close as you thought? You push that aside.

Sans at least has the decency to look ashamed. He starts to make another excuse, but you interrupt him. “Whatever. We have two more skeletons to keep track of. If you didn’t know about them until they came knocking on our door then who knows how many more there could be.”

The look of surprise and sudden existential fear on Sans’ face leads you to believe he hadn’t even considered the possibility of there being more than the ones you’d already met. You need a nap. Oh wait. You were getting ready for bed before this all happened.

You sigh. “I trust you can show the boys their room yourself?” You’re suddenly... so tired. You’ve been going and going for so long, helping your new housemates get situated, getting ready for the move, doing the move, moving in... you deserve your days off.

Red surprises you by pulling Sans into a side-hug, jerking his thumb at himself. Sans seems perturbed. “Don’t worry babe, _we_ got this.” He gives you a wink. “You go get your beauty rest and leave the rest to us.”

You narrow your eyes at him. You’re not so sure you can trust the both of them. If it was just one of them you think things could go over smoothly, but both Sans and Red? That’s a disaster waiting to happen.

You know what? That’s a problem for Future You, assuming Future You even bothers to deal with it. It’s bedtime.

“Right. Okay. Bye.” You head for the stairs, realize you need that box of night stuff, and spin on your heel to head for the front door. The box is still where Stretch had dropped it, and you snatch it up before heading back up to your room. Your pajamas are folded neat and tidy inside, and you don’t think you’ve ever been so excited for bed.

Your dreams are plagued by knives and shadows in the woods, but they’re a distant memory by the time morning comes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one’s a little shorter than the others. do you guys like longish chapters? would you prefer shorter chapters with more frequent updates, or 7k+ chapters every 2 weeks or so?  
> now that we're done moving in and whatnot i can actually focus on the fun things lmao
> 
> not featured:
> 
> -Black and Edge spend the entire car ride complaining about you
> 
> -Sans and Red start moving the couch, take a break after 30 seconds and promptly fall asleep on the armrests
> 
> -Chess freaking out after dinner, realizing the enormous mess he and Jupiter made in the kitchen


	6. The Littlest Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jupiter and chess go shopping. stretch tags along.

When you wake up the next morning to the sound of movement downstairs, you groan. Everything hurts and you’re still _exhausted_ , but you can already tell you’re not going to be able to fall back asleep. You roll over to grab your phone off your nightstand but grasp at empty air. There’s no nightstand by your bed, and you’ve already shifted all your weight to the side. You can’t catch yourself at this point. You end up rolling off your bed in a tangle of blankets and limbs. Your impact with the floor is enough to wake up your phone, lighting it up in your face in its place on the floor next to some boxes.

Ah. You’re in your new room.

Your nightstand is oh so helpfully shoved into the corner _opposite_ your bed rather than where it should be. You lie there and stare at the ceiling, trying to get your head on straight. Your limbs feel like lead, and even though your phone helpfully informs you that you slept for a solid _eleven_ _hours_ , you feel like you got maybe two at most.

It’s going to be one of those days.

You manage to haul yourself to your feet and trudge downstairs, feeling for all intents and purposes like an actual zombie. The clattering around downstairs you heard was the making of second breakfast for all the late sleepers. You’re lucky enough to make it in time for the sweet smell of pancakes to assault your nose.

Stretch, Sans and Rus are assembled around the kitchen, either on their phones or chatting. Red is, interestingly enough, the one manning the stove.

“So as I was saying about Un _DYNE-??_ ” Stretch is saying to Sans, his attention flickering to you as you come into view in the doorway. His voice weirdly raises in pitch at the end of his sentence, and he ends up gaping at you in what looks like horror.

“Rude.” You croak, voice hoarse with sleep. You can’t look _that_ bad first thing in the morning.

Sans, Red and Rus all turn to look at you and make similar sounds of alarm. Sans and Red’s eye lights extinguish (what the fuck??), and both suddenly appear right in your personal space a milisecond later.

Sans’ hands hover near your throat, seemingly unsure of what to do. “Are you okay? Do you need more healing?” He sounds super concerned. You know for a fact Sans can’t use healing magic, so you assume he would get Papyrus for that.

“Should I get Paps?” Red adds in a nervous tone. You know them so well.

“Uh, no?” Your throat’s scratchy, sure, but otherwise you’re fine. You just need a glass of water.

Rus takes long strides towards you to examine whatever the fuck Sans is so concerned about. Stretch remains leaned against the counter, looking queasy. “It looks old,” Rus says, thoughtful. “Ya forgot to wash off last night, didn’tcha?”

 _What are they talking about???_ You reach up to your throat and- oh. There’s dried flakes of blood on your fingertips. You _did_ forget to wash the blood off last night. Ewww, you probably have blood on your sheets. You sigh. “Looks like it.”

Sans and Red breathe simultaneous sighs of relief. Red rubs his chest absentmindedly, relieved grin turning into a scowl. “Nearly gave me a heart attack, babe. My poor soul can’t take this kinda abuse.”

You’re not impressed. It’s your turn to sigh, weary. You’re so tired. “Right. Sorry. I’ll go wash off then. Save me some breakfast.” You feel robotic, like you’re on autopilot as you turn around and leave.

Sans let’s you go, and you wander back upstairs to take a shower. Washing the blood off reveals the thinnest line of a scar where the wound had been. Magic isn’t infallible, you suppose. You take the opportunity of being clean to find a clean sheet and toss it in your room. You’ll deal with actually changing it later. You’re hoping Future You will be more awake.

There’s a plate of pancakes on the dining table when you make it downstairs, and Rus has disappeared, leaving Stretch, Red and Sans as the only ones in the kitchen. You take your seat and immediately feel better for being off your feet.

Turns out, Red makes some delicious pancakes. You’re pretty sure he found a box of pancake mix, but they’re still perfect. You let him know, and he blushes at the compliment, stuttering a thank-you. Sans gives him an unimpressed look.

Stretch is eyeing your new scar, and you subconsciously rub at it. You don’t mind it, really. It’s barely noticeable- only someone who was looking for it would be able to tell it’s there. But he noticed, and he doesn’t seem to want to look away.

You’re halfway through your plate when your new housemates arrive. Jupiter is sniffing the air, grin wide and single eye light bright as he takes in the stack of pancakes. Chess is practically vibrating with excitement.

“Hope you made enough for us...” Jupiter says, taking a seat. “’Cause we’re fed up with waiting.” Chess makes a disgruntled snort and sits down next to him.

Red gestures to the stack of pancakes in the center of the table. “I made some extras, yeah. If you want more you can always bite the bullet and make ‘em yerself.”

Jupiter’s gaze flickers to the stove and the remaining pancake batter. “Maybe. Gimme some time... to chew it over.”

You pointedly ignore the skeletons around you in favor of focusing all your attention on your breakfast. You’re not really in the mood for small talk, and while you feel _kinda_ bad for ignoring the new additions to your household, you don’t feel that bad. Jupiter threatened your life. He deserves the cold shoulder at the bare minimum.

Stretch comes over to take the seat next to yours, leaning back in his chair and kicking up his feet into the seat opposite. He gives off an air of calm, but there’s a shadow cast over his expression. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him like this.

“Those any good?” He asks casually.

You make an affirmative noise around your mouthful of pancake.

Jupiter seems to have noticed Stretch’s glaring and is having none of it. He sets down his fork forcefully and jabs a finger across the table. “Ya got an axe to grind with me, pal?” Said axe appears out of nowhere and is not-so-gently embedded into the dining table’s edge.

Stretch looks away, but doesn’t say anything. Instead, his gaze flickers to you before staring at his clenched fists.

“That’s what I thought.” Jupiter settles back to continue inhaling his breakfast, dislodging the weapon and dropping it to the floor. Chess gives you a guilty look.

You’re too tired to deal with this.

“No weapons in the house,” you grumble. You dump your dishes in the sink and head to the living room, collapsing face down on the couch. You can feel yourself dozing off already, belly full and content.

After a few minutes of nearly falling asleep and being awoken by chitchat intermittently, you roll over in frustration to stare at the ceiling. You’re instead met with the view of someone’s sweatshirt. Stretch is sitting on the armrest by your head. He’s watching Chess and Blue talk with a cool expression, twirling a lock of your hair around one of his phalanges.

You tug on his sleeve. “Stop that.” You grumble.

He tilts his head to the side and releases your hair. “What?”

“The glowering. Stop that.” You’re not really in the mood to deal with temperamental skeletons. “Unless they’re actively murdering us, you can at least give them the benefit of the doubt.”

Stretch grumbles something under his breath, but directs his attention to the television.

You sit up slightly and spot Jupiter napping in the armchair across from you. Now that you’re a bit more awake and actually in the light, you can take this opportunity to examine your new housemates.

Jupiter looks just like Sans, albeit noticeably taller and broader. He’s got the same blue hoodie, basketball shorts and slippers, but he’s covered in rust-colored stains and dirt and his clothes are in tatters. He must’ve been in some crazy fight; you doubt the massive hole in his skull was an accident. Interesting that the only eye light he has is on that side. Now that you’re not scared out of your wits you actually notice the red in his eyesocket _is_ the eye light, it’s just so large it nearly takes up the entire socket. Oh hey, it can contract- oh he’s staring back at you.

He gives you an unimpressed look and you smile nervously at him.

You give Chess a quick once-over. You don’t want to get on Jupiter’s bad side for staring at both him _and_ his brother, but you still wanna get a good look at who you’ll be sharing your new house with. Maybe you’ll get an idea of what their lives were like. From what you can see at a first glance, it was... very bad.

Chess, likewise, is grimy and his clothes have seen better days. He’s wearing an outfit very similar to what Paps used to wear in the early days, before he discovered diverse fashion. His ‘battle body’, was it? He’s clearly in need of a trip to the orthodontist, and might need a pair of glasses judging by all the squinting he’s doing, but-

Wait.

You sit bolt upright, nearly shoving Stretch off the armrest with the force of your movement. “You guys don’t have anything.” you blurt out, interrupting the conversation the others were having.

Blue gives you a weird look. “What? We have stuff, we had to move it all when-”

“No no no, you misunderstand.” You point at Chess, then Jupiter. “These guys. They have nothing. Like you guys, before we went shopping.” You’re not looking forward to shopping part 2, but just looking at the state of their clothes is making you feel bad for every minute you don’t take them.

Chess looks at you with twinkling eyesockets. “Are you going to take us shopping??” Well now you _have_ to take him.

You give them a determined nod. “You bet your sweet non-existent butts I am. Gimme time to change and we can be at the store in forty.”

You roll off the couch and scramble towards the stairs. You’re just entering your room when a skeletal hand grabs your arm, pulling you back into the hallway.

Jupiter’s giving you a wary expression. “You shouldn’t get his hopes up like that... We’re not exactly rolling in dough.” He shoves his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and rocks back on his heels. “I’m not even sure if we _have_ any G.”

Ah. Well. You’re not about to let someone suffer in your house, especially when it’s not their fault they’re there. “That won’t be an issue. Consider it a house warming gift.” You move to enter your room, but you’re stopped again.

“That’s the thing...” Jupiter is looking at you like you’re a particularly difficult math problem, like an equation with unfamiliar symbols. “Why would you even wanna help us? I threatened your life last night, now you’re offerin’ to take us shopping?”

“It’s the right thing to do.” You shrug. “If it makes you feel better, I can get Sans to pay for it, but I really don’t mind. Money’s nothing, really, compared to the well-being of my family.”

 _That_ gets his attention.

You flounder a bit, trying to make that seem less weird. “I mean, you’re like... Sans and Papyrus. You’re not _mine_ , and that doesn’t mean I _know you_ , but... I still feel like I sorta do? On some level.” You cringe. You have no idea where you’re going with this. “And they’re my family, so... that means you could be too? Consider this my olive branch, I guess.”

Jupiter stares at you for a long time. You’re not sure if he got lost during your rambles, is staring into space, or is just thinking. Eventually his grin stretches even wider, making his sockets crescent shaped.

“Your funeral.” he says, and in the next moment he’s gone.

You process that for a moment, decide you’re not sure how to take it, then go and get dressed.

You’re still achy and tired, but for _sure_ this time, you’re going to rest. Just after you take your two new boys to get some clothes that aren’t stained with... you don’t want to know.

When you go back downstairs, Chess is, true to form, vibrating with excitement by the front door. Jupiter’s back to lounging in the armchair, eye light following you lazily as you go by.

“You ready?” You ask.

“My whole life I’ve waited for this moment!!” Chess crows. “Shopping on the surface!! I’ll finally get to see all the wonderful new fashions, try all the wonderful new clothes!”

You grin, his excitement infectious. “Then by all means, let’s go.”

Turns out, Papyrus invested in a convertible for very good reasons. Aside from the fact it was his dream car, it also helped avoid the issue of him being a giant skeleton in a human-sized car. You had _not_ considered the fact that Chess was considerably taller than Papyrus, and would fit _even less_ in your car.

Papyrus is very empathetic towards your plight when you go tell him the issue. He doesn’t even hesitate to toss you his keys, announcing “Sharing is caring!!” before trudging back to work on weeding the garden. You don’t deserve him.

You’ve never driven his car, too afraid to mess it up (and it’s a bit too flashy for your tastes), but you can’t help but admit it feels _fantastic._

Chess’ reaction when you pull the convertible out of the garage is unbridled excitement. He’s _so_ excited, he loses his capacity for speech and instead just points at the convertible, making high pitched squeaking sounds. He didn’t get to see the car last night, huh? It was in the garage the whole time. He gets in the passenger side and is shaking so much it’s actually moving the car.

“Are you okay?” You ask, laying a hand on his shoulder. “Because if you need a minute to compose yourself, you should take it.”

Chess, visibly tries to calm down. He takes in a deep deep _deep_ breath. “It’s just all I’ve ever dreamed!” He manages to choke out. Is he crying? You think you might be in for some crocodile tears if he doesn’t calm down.

Jupiter flops over the back of Chess’ seat and gives him a pat. “It’s a’ight bro, just take your time.”

Chess does eventually get himself to calm down enough that he’s not shaking the car (or rattling like a maraca), and you finally get underway.

You’re pulling out of the driveway when the car shifts to the side and there’s a solid _thunk_ behind you. You slam on the brakes, Chess narrowly avoiding smashing his face into the dashboard. What happened? Did you hit something?? You whirl around.

Jupiter’s up and standing on his seat, Stretch now suddenly in the seat next to him. Stretch is holding a horizontal bone up like a shield, and Jupiter has an axe buried halfway through it.

“What?? The fuck?? Is _going on???_ ” You shout. “I don’t remember inviting you on this trip!” You jab an accusatory finger at Stretch. “And I thought we talked about weapon usage!”

“We ain’t in the house,” Jupiter says, nonchalant.

Stretch is sweating nervously and looking like he just saw a ghost. “I decided to invite myself, I just didn’t realize that was grounds for _murder_.”

Jupiter’s manic grin subdues somewhat, though he still looks ridiculously pleased with himself. “It was an axe-ident. You snuck up on me.” The axe gets tossed away with a shrug, disappearing into dust before it lands. He settles into his seat and buckles himself back in.

Stretch reluctantly gets rid of the bone and scoots as far to the other side of the car as he can. “Ha ha ha,” he deadpans. “You’re _soooo_ funny.”

“You’re killing me here, pal.” Jupiter slides down into his seat and closes his eyes.

You give them both unimpressed looks. Stretch mumbles something you don’t catch and turns away with his arms crossed. You give Chess an imploring look, but he’s watching the other two warily. You hold a hand to your heart, trying to get it to calm down. Do random moments of fright count as cardio? You think your heart has had enough surprises in the last week for it to constitute some form of exercise.

“If you’re both quite finished,” you grind out, “I would like to get to the store without any casualties.”

Jupiter responds with a rumbled, “You got it.” You can see Stretch nod sullenly in the rear-view mirror.

“Great.”

You take a deep breath and start driving again. Chess hesitantly reaches for the radio dial, and you pointedly ignore everyone. You just want to get your three passengers and this fancy car to the store in one piece. Is that so wrong? Why does everyone always have to make everything so _difficult?_

Stretch taps you on the shoulder to get your attention at one point, but backs off at the glare you send him in the mirror. _You are focusing._

The store’s decently busy on a weekend early afternoon, and you’re now firmly not in the mood to deal with any bullshit. You drag the boys into the store and give Chess a cart.

“You are free to pick whatever you want, enjoy the throes of fashion.” You gesture at everything and his expression lights up with those sparkling sockets you’re so used to on Papyrus. What a cutie. He wanders off with Jupiter in tow and you practically collapse on the first bench you see.

“You okay?” You look up to see Stretch standing over you with a concerned expression.

“’M tired.” Is the only thing you can mumble. Stretch takes a seat next to you and pulls you into his side, putting his arm around your shoulders. He’s pretty comfy... you could doze off like this.

“That’s no good,” Stretch replies. “Didn’t sleep well?”

You shake your head. “I slept fine. I think I just need a break.” You yawn. “I’ve been going for so long. I just need a day to myself.”

Stretch hums, but doesn’t say anything further. Your eyes slip shut unbidden, and you rest your head on his shoulder. Maybe just a few minutes of rest wouldn’t be too bad.

You’re most definitely asleep when Stretch goes rigid. You sit up straight, trying to shake yourself awake. You blearily look around in confusion.

Chess is heading your way, cart full with colorful clothes of all types. He’s positively beaming, and your heart is warmed by his genuine happiness. He gives you a jaunty wave that you return. Jupiter’s passed out in the cart among the clothes, half buried under a jacket and some t-shirts.

“Mission accomplished?” You ask.

“Quite thoroughly, if I do say so myself!!” Chess says. “I would like to thank you again for taking us on this trip! It is incredibly generous of you, particularly after our bad first impression!”

You wave it off. “Happy to help. You find everything you need?” You don’t think you’re going to get a real apology from Jupiter, so this is as close are you’re going to get. You’ll take it.

Chess smacks Jupiter on the shoulder, and he jumps. “Oh, oh yeah. Thanks, bud. It was a cakewalk.”

You nod, pleased. You move to stand up and Stretch follows, keeping you under his arm. You give him a look. As much as you appreciate his company, you _really_ don’t need him draped over you. It’s kind of stifling. You get out from under him and help the brothers checkout.

The total cost hurts your bank a little bit, but you grin and bear it. It’s all worth it. They only got about a bag’s worth of clothes each, so you might need to make a return trip sometime in the future. Chess still seems perfectly satisfied with his first foray into human clothes, peering into the bag with excitement as you all walk back to the car.

You unlock the trunk for the two brothers, and when you go to get in the driver’s seat Stretch has already taken shotgun.

You don’t miss the look Jupiter gives him as he and his brother get in the back.

Stretch takes over the radio, but you’re not really listening. It’s all you can do to focus on the road, and you really feel the fatigue catching up with you. Maybe you’re getting sick? That’d be just your luck.

You manage the drive home with no incidents (aside from the constant staring from Jupiter through the rear-view mirror). Chess vaults out of the car the moment you’ve pulled into a stop in front of the garage door and bolts into the house. He must be going to assemble his first outfit. You’re excited to see what he comes up with.

Jupiter gets out much slower, and Stretch doesn’t leave until you pull into the garage and get out yourself. He’s about to follow you into the house when you stop him.

You put a hand on his chest and push him back a little. “What are you doing?”

He gives you a confused look and a doofy smile. “Whadya mean?”

You sigh. “You’ve been following me around ever since breakfast. You’re staring at Jupiter and Chess. What’s your problem?”

Stretch starts sweating. “I- wha- uh, I mean. They’re not exactly exemplary housemates so far, are they? I just wanted to make sure you were safe after what they did yesterday.”

You rub your temple. “Look. I appreciate the thought. But you have to understand... There are seven other skeletons aside from you that could protect me from them if they _did_ end up being axe murderers.” You recount. “Well, at least five would actually bother.” Stretch laughs a little at that. “But! They definitely could’ve killed me last night, and they didn’t. So they probably won’t. So you need to chill out and stop putting Jupiter on edge.”

Stretch looks properly cowed, and nods sullenly.

You put your hand on his shoulder and give him a smile. “Like I said, thanks for looking out for me. But you gotta give me some breathing room too, ya know?” You pull him into a hug, and he returns it.

After you release him, you finally go through the house door and inside. You beeline for the living room, and are pleased to see Stretch heading for his room. You hope you weren’t too hard on him... but it had been bugging you all day.

You’ve just sat down on the couch with a deep sigh of satisfaction when Papyrus strides in, phone held up to his skull. “Yes, I believe I can be there in fifteen minutes! No, I will not be speeding. _Yes,_ I can bring the DVDs. What do-” He checks the phone screen and sighs, pocketing it. “She hung up.”

“Uhhhh, what’s going on, Paps?” He turns to look at you.

Papyrus leans back and holds the back of his hand to his forehead in a show of dramatics. “ _Sigh!_ Alphys is having confidence issues, and Undyne has requested I come over to hangout and cheer her up! But alas... it is my turn to cook dinner!” He gets down on one knee and grabs your hand. “I am _terribly_ sorry to have to ask this, but could you cook today? I really must go help Undyne and Alphys, but I can’t trust Sans to actually feed everyone. I don’t think I’ve even _seen_ him today! He wasn’t in his room when I went to wake him up, and I can’t find him anywhere!” Papyrus gives you those big sparkly eyesockets he knows you can’t resist. You grimace. “Please? I would be forever grateful!”

You really shouldn’t. You deserve a break, and maybe you could get one of the others to cook? Or just order something. _But_ Sans flaked out and ordered pizza earlier in the week... you sigh.

“Yeah, sure thing Paps. You go help out. Tell Alphys ‘hi’ for me, ‘kay?”

Papyrus pulls you into a tight hug, squeezing all the air out of your lungs. You wheeze, and in that moment you feel much like Dave the Rubber Chicken.

“Thank you thank you thank you!” Papyrus jumps up, presses his teeth to your forehead with a dramatic ‘ _MWAH!’_ , and is out the door in seconds. Aww. You really can’t say no to him.

You sigh dramatically and struggle to your feet. You trudge into the kitchen and survey the room.

Your new kitchen isn’t exactly new, but it’s functional and that’s what matters. All the utensils and food have already been unpacked, so all you need to do is remember where it all is and get cooking. You’re thinking something simple but tasty for the new boys’ first dinner in their new place. If they _were_ literally starving in their version of the underground, maybe it wouldn’t be a good idea to go with a meal that’s overly complex. Can skeletons get sick? Regardless, you settle on roast chicken with some assorted vegetables. It’s easy to prep and simple, but if you handle it right it should be just as delicious as any other meal.

You go ahead preheat the oven and toss the chicken in a pan, seasoning it with whatever you can find around in the kitchen that smells good. You don’t have a recipe in mind, but you’re sure you can wing it. Once the chicken’s cooking, you start chopping vegetables. You think you’re going to steam them for simplicity’s sake. You’re still exhausted, and you’re not exactly enthusiastic about cooking for eleven people. You might have to start ordering delivery more often. Or investing in a personal chef. Maybe you should write up a chore schedule? You have a feeling only half of the residents would actually adhere to it, though.

You spend your down time waiting for the food to be done scrolling through your phone, happy for the peace and quiet. With everyone upstairs or outside, you finally get to unwind and recharge-

Rus wanders into the kitchen with a lit cigarette and gives you a lazy salute. “’Sup, cutie pie.”

Stars above, someone out there hates you.

“No smoking indoors.” You grumble. Rus shrugs and _eats the fucking cigarette like the horrible gremlin he is_ and you gape at him in abject horror. Someone out there must _really_ hate you. Why couldn’t you have been stuck with the _normal_ alternate versions of your housemates? Like... you’re not even sure. Maybe a universe where everyone is a janitor? Just anything but this.

Rus seems amused by your reaction and hops up to sit on a clear spot on the counter. “You’re sure workin’ hard,” he remarks. “You takin’ enough breaks?”

“I always work hard.” You reply. “I’m taking a break now, aren’t I?” And you slept in quite late that morning. You’re still tired regardless, but you went through quite the ordeal last night so you can’t exactly be faulted for that.

“Doesn’t hurt to check. I just wanna make sure my human ain’t working themselves to the bone.” Rus gives you a big ol’ wink and you look away, cheeks warming.

“’Your’ human...?” You mumble. Red had said ‘our human’ last night, too. When did you become a possession? The timer for the vegetables goes off, freeing you from the confines of conversational expectations. You can feel Rus’ gaze on your back, but you’re at least free to ignore him. For now.

You move right from plating the veggies to setting the table (you’re lucky you even _have_ eleven plates). You’re juggling dishes and silverware when the oven alarm goes off, but Rus beats you to it. “I got it,” he says, making his way over. “No worries.” You give him a grateful smile and dash over to the table. At least he can be helpful sometimes. You quickly set everything where they go, agonizing over the fork placement (it goes on the left, right?) before heading back to the kitchen.

You nearly run into Rus as he leaves. He’s got the pan in his hands, and you open your mouth to tell him where to put it when you realize he’s holding it without oven mitts. You gasp in shock. “Isn’t that hot??” It just came out of the oven!

You flit around nervously, but he just gives you a wry smile and shrugs. He sets the dish down onto the table and holds his hands out. “’M made of magic bones, sunshine. I don’t got nerves to feel temperature with, or meat to get damaged.” You reach out, but hesitate and look up at him. He smiles and nods. You take his hands in your own.

They’re still warm from holding the pan, and sure enough there’s no indication of any injury. You brush your fingers over Rus’ phalanges gently, examining them. Papyrus and Sans are always wearing gloves so you don’t often get a chance to look at your housemates’ hands like this, and you can’t help but find them super interesting. All the tiny little bones, held together with nothing but magic... You give an awed little laugh and slowly release his hands. Your housemates are truly amazing.

You look up at Rus to thank him and your voice dies in your throat. He’s looking at you with the most open expression you’ve ever seen on him. You stare at him, cheeks slowly warming, unsure of what to do. Rus is the one that makes the first move, slowly lifting a hand to press it to your jaw. You’re painfully aware of your heartbeat, a forceful pounding in your chest that you’re sure he can hear. His thumb slowly brushes over your cheek as he gives a breathless little chuckle, and if you weren’t blushing before you certainly are now. All his attention is on you, eye lights flickering from your wide eyes to your mouth.

Uh oh.

You are completely lost.

“So cute,” he mumbles softly.

Rus stops, close enough you can smell the scent of laundry detergent clinging to his clothes. He’s looking over your head now, his expression unreadable. You can’t tear your gaze away from his eye lights. You stand like that for a few moments before he sighs and leans back. He gives you a gentle smile, and you feel lightheaded. With a wink, he turns and disappears into the kitchen.

You release a breath you didn’t realize you were holding and nearly collapse onto the dining table. Your heart is still beating wildly, and there’s a tightness in your chest you can’t place. You look over your shoulder. There’s nothing in the doorway, but something had deterred him from... whatever he was about to do.

You try and center yourself. It’s dinner time. You’re hosting a new pair of brothers. You have to focus. Your cheeks are still warm, and you press a hand to your face in an attempt to hold in the excited squeal you feel building up.

You’re still collecting yourself when Stretch wanders in. You’re still kinda annoyed at him, but he at least seems unaffected by your earlier outburst.

“Smells good,” he says, pulling out a chair and plopping himself into it.

You say a muffled thanks, still hiding behind your hand, and he gives you a confused look. You flee to the kitchen. Rus is nowhere to be seen, so you distract yourself with finishing setting the table. You still need cups.

More people have collected in the dining room when you make your way back with as many glasses are you can hold. Blue has taken a seat next to Stretch, and Sans, Red, Jupiter and Chess have spread out in the remaining chairs. Edge, Black and Rus haven’t arrived yet, but you don’t anticipate their presence. They’ll likely just grab food after everyone’s left and eat by themselves.

Chess and Jupiter are staring at the food (Jupiter noticeably drooling...), nodding absently along to whatever conversation Blue is attempting to have with them. You take the open seat next to Red and across from Chess and finally manage to take a deep breath. You were going to rest today, but you still ended up working hard. Leave it to the boys to manage to put a wrench in your plans, even if they didn’t mean it.

Everyone digs in, and seem pleased with your work. You shovel the food down your throat as fast as you can without looking like... well, Jupiter. You want to go hide in your room.

“We should go camping,” Blue mentions at one point. There’s a series of nods.

“You wood like that, wouldn’t you? But I dunno,” Sans says with a broad grin. “That might be a bit in-tents.”

Stretch and Chess groan, while the others chuckle.

“I think that’s a fine idea, Blue.” You agree. “Maybe next weekend?”

“Papyrus and I were thinking tomorrow, actually!” He replies with excitement. Mmm you’re not so sure about that.

“Camping on such short notice? Unbeleafable.” Red shakes his head. “No way in hell we’re pulling that off, and especially not with new arrivals.”

Jupiter snorts. “Take a hike, edgelord.”

Red shrugs. “Just food for thought.”

“Going tomorrow isn’t off the menu...” Jupiter argues. “We just gotta get more tents.”

“That’s a releaf!” Blue cheers. “Because I already packed a bunch of stuff and found a nice campsite on the hill.”

The conversation continues like that for awhile, various puns and plans being made. You sit there quietly eating, trying to get your head together. You... don’t really want to do anything tomorrow. But, you suppose camping isn’t really that bad? You can just make Sans do all the work. Maybe.

You finish eating and excuse yourself from the table.

“Make the plans without me, boys. It’s alone time.”

There’s a chorus of ‘good night’s and you run straight for the stairs. _Nothing_ will stop you from getting the rest you deserve at this point. Nothing could possibly get in your way. Nearly everyone was downstairs and are still finishing dinner, so you should be home free-

You’re just turning the corner, bedroom door in sight, when you walk straight into someone.

Black falls backwards with an angry shout, and you react with a speed quite unusual for how tired you are. You manage to catch him before he hits the ground, a hand at his back and waist.

It’s a very long moment of staring at each other in shock before you realize. _You’re dipping him._

When it catches up with _him_ , he’s furious. “Let go of me,” he snarls, and shoves you.

You start to apologize. “Sorry, dude. You oka-” You just barely manage to pull him back to his feet before he breaks your grip.

In a blink, he’s gone. Oooookay then. You're honestly surprised you got through that interaction without losing a limb.

You pass Black’s room on the way to yours, and you think you can hear him inside. What a weird guy. You enter your room with a profound sense of relief, and you don’t think you’ve ever been this happy to see your bed.

You’re about collapse onto your bed when a hand grabs your arm and twirls you around. You squeak in surprise as you’re pulled forward, Rus standing over you with a big smile on his face.

“Hey, cutie,” he says. “Ya forgot something.”

You give him a confused look. “What-”

You’re silenced as he closes the distance between you, pressing his teeth to your lips. You flush a bright red and stare at him in shock. You have no idea what to do, frozen in place. This close you can smell the cigarette smoke lingering on his clothes along with another, unidentifiable earthy scent.

You’ve never been kissed by a skeleton before- well, not properly, and it’s a strange experience. Not _bad_ , but certainly not what you were expecting. He doesn’t have lips, so there isn’t much to work with... It only lasts a second, but it feels like so much longer. When he leans back you can't help but follow him slightly, leaning forward. He's still very much in your personal space, but you already miss the contact. He’s got a self-satisfied smirk on his face and gives you a cheeky wink before... shoving you. You fall back and onto the bed and quickly sit up to ask him what he was doing in your room, but he’s gone.

Well then.

Okay.

...Okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta we die like men
> 
> by popular demand, i ended up including one of the ‘not featured’ from the previous chapter into this one. hope it was worth it alsfkjslkdjaf
> 
> whose tent should Reader sleep in when they go camping? ;)
> 
> not featured:
> 
> -the staring contest Sans had with Rus in the dining room
> 
> -Black pacing furiously in his room. he didn’t blush... he didn’t


	7. Creature Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> camping time, but your weekend doesn't end as planned

The sun’s warm on your back as you trudge through the woods, backpack slung over your shoulder. You’re glad you had the foresight to buy hiking boots all those months ago, even if this is the first time you’ve worn them. You’re equally glad that Blue handled everything for this camping trip, leaving you free to recharge. He packed all the tents and sleeping bags (even went with Papyrus to the store to buy more) and left you at home to sleep in and hang out with the other boys.

You hadn’t been all that confident you’d get everyone out the door for an impromptu adventure, but it seems enough of your housemates are spontaneous people (and the rest are pushovers) that it all came together. It’d taken some convincing to get _you_ out the door, but ultimately, you’d been won over by Paps and Blue teaming up with their puppy dog eyes. Curse your weakness for cute skeletons.

You’re a decent way down the trail already, walking with Red and Edge by your side. It’s a small miracle you’re both keeping pace with the taller brother’s long strides, but you suppose it’s an equally small miracle that he’s tolerating your presence at all.

“So’s I was surrounded, ten dumb dog gangsters with a vendetta-”

“Two.” Edge interjects gravely.

“Right, right. _Two_ dumb dogs with a vendetta- that’s equally impressive, mind you- and my bro’s nowhere to be seen! So, what do I do?” Red somehow got an arm around your waist when you weren’t looking and has been keeping up a casual conversation for nearly the entire hike. He gives you a squeeze, prompting you to respond.

You think he’s going to ask you out again soon. He’s just gotta work himself up to it... by _talking_ himself up. It would be kind of endearing, if all his stories weren’t obvious hyperbole. Thankfully Edge keeps correcting him. _That’s_ pretty endearing, you must admit. For all Edge gripes and looks down on you and insults you and is vaguely threatening, he clearly cares about Red. In his own way, but still! Plus, you think you’re slowly winning him over by being pals with his brother. Even if he keeps glaring at you out of the corner of his eyesocket and looking away every time you try to make eye contact.

“Lemme guess. You shortcut away?” You give Red a wry smile.

“Wrong! I stand my ground and fight. Now I might not look it, but I got a couple-a mean tricks up my sleeve. I sent ‘em running back to the doghouse without breaking a sweat!” Red cackles and you elbow him in the side. “If they’d fought anymore they’d’ve been dust fer sure.”

You’ve heard about that; monsters turn to dust when they die. It must be hard to solve monster murders then, with all the evidence and the body just... disintegrated. You wouldn’t even know _how_ they died.

Red continues with his tales of grandeur, and you provide the necessary reactions at his prompting. You’re still a little fatigued, so you’re not at 100% focus... but you get the gist of his stories anyway. He’s a bad boy from a rough neighborhood and he _desperately_ wants you to like him. You kinda wish he’d realize you already like him- you went on a date last week and got along great!

Every now and then you’ll glance over your shoulder to check the other brothers’ progress behind you. Rus and Black are directly behind you, Black trudging along at a grumpy yet determined pace. Rus is carrying both their bags but doesn’t seem to be struggling at all. Black’s got his gaze pinned on you and doesn’t even blink as you stare right back. You have _no_ idea what expression that is, but it’s not happy.

You meet Rus’ eyes, and he gives you a raunchy wink. You blush and look away, but you’re certain he saw, if the little smirk he got as you turned away was anything to go by. You’re still not over that kiss. What got into him? You certainly didn’t mind, but it was so out of the blue! Aside from all the flirting, and the casual affection, and the pet names and... oh.

Red doesn’t notice you’re distracted and continues explaining how he sometimes moonlights as Grillby’s bouncer. _His_ Grillby, he specifies. It’s a _‘classier’_ joint in his universe, he says. You’ll have to take his word for it. You’re not sure how much you believe an even _classier_ Grillby would hire Red. It’s far more likely that he was forced into it to pay his tab, if he’s anything like Sans when it comes to paying.

Jupiter and Chess make up the caboose of your train of skeletons. They’re a short way behind you, but Jupiter assured you there’s no way they’re getting lost. From the way they maneuver through the forest, you believe it. They’re so quiet you keep checking behind you to make sure they’re still following.

Jupiter walks with an unsettling silence and grace that must come from lots of experience. It’s no wonder he snuck up on you that night at your car. He could probably walk right up to you in broad daylight and you’d have absolutely no idea until there was an axe buried right in your back. When he said he was a hunter he wasn’t joking. He’s clearly very good at it.

The farther along you get in the hike, the more you wish you were Sans. He doesn’t have to worry about things like navigating through bushes and around trees or _walking._ Because Papyrus is carrying him for some reason. He’s completely asleep and being carried like a football at his younger brother’s hip. What a lucky bastard.

You remove yourself from Red’s hold during a lapse in his stories and jog a little to catch up with Blue and Stretch at the head of the pack.

“Are we there yet?” You ask with a playful tone. You mean the question- you’re _really_ tired of walking and would appreciate a break- but you don’t want to nag. Red’s already asked at least four times in the span of the last hour.

“Very nearly, my dear friend!” Blue says. “Just over that crest yonder that-a-way and we should be at my perfect spot!”

“How did you find it? It’s so far away!”

Blue gets a smug glint in his eyelights and gives you a wink. “That’s a secret!”

Stretch snorts. “He went hiking alone after we moved in.”

“Papy!!” Blue whines. “Don’t spoil it!”

Dorks, the both of them.

Turns out Blue’s super secret camping site was worth the adventure. You’re tired, sure, but the clearing he found is beautiful. It sits on the sunny side of the hills and overlooks the valley with a wonderful view. There’s not a cloud in sight, despite the chill to the air, and everything’s lit up with a warm glow. It’s a perfect late afternoon. You manage to get a nice selfie with the boys in front of the landscape, and don’t hesitate to make that your phone wallpaper. It’s a miracle you got everyone in frame (some of the shorter boys are a _little_ cut off...), but it is a cute picture.

After admiring the view, everyone gets to setting up camp. You don’t really have plans for the day aside from enjoying nature before it gets too cold and maybe roasting some marshmallows, so you expect a nice chill day in the woods. Black finds a nice spot far away from everyone else to set up his and Rus’ tent, and does so pointedly ignoring you and everyone else.

Blue, Papyrus and Chess all set up the tents they’ll be sharing with their brothers in a neat line so they’ll ‘be neighbors’. Edge and Red’s tent gets put up a short (but respectable) distance away. You know you’re going to be sharing a tent with somebody, but you haven’t quite worked that out yet.

The classic choice is Sans and Papyrus, your original roommates. Blue and Stretch are a close second; you’ve gotten close to Stretch over the last couple days and you _know_ Blue is dying to hang out with you more. You wouldn’t mind sharing a tent with Red, but the fact that would also involve Edge puts you _,_ heh _,_ a little _on_ edge. You don’t think he’d take kindly to sleeping near you if he wasn’t even willing to use your bed. It’s a similar situation with Rus. Best to keep Black at a safe distance for now. That leaves your two new arrivals for consideration. As much as you’re endeared to Chess, you’ve only just met them. You think a sleepover with them is best saved for another day, when you’re certain Chess likes you.

It takes you a little while, but eventually you notice something’s wrong. You’re rummaging through your backpack, making sure you’re all set for the evening, but something feels like it’s missing. You’ve got a clean pair of clothes, snacks, water, everything you could possibly need. What could be missing...?

It hits you like a ton of bricks when you see Black carefully unrolling his sleeping bag in his tent. You don’t have one. You stare at the tents being set up and realize you’re in for a cold night’s sleep. Guess you’ll be sleeping in your jacket.

“What’s up, honey?” Stretch says as he walks over. Blue’s still trying to figure out how the tent works. You look up at him and notice the lollipop held firmly in his teeth. When’d he get that? “You look like you just lost the game.” He adds.

“The what?” You give him a confused look before you realize and smack him on the arm in retaliation. “Jerk. I lost _now.”_ You purse your lips and give your backpack an extra look through. There’s no way it’s in there; it wouldn’t fit. You would’ve had to tie the sleeping bag to your backpack to have carried it on this trip. You just straight up left it at home. But it still makes you feel better to try looking for it again. Maybe it’ll magically appear. It doesn’t, and you sigh dramatically. “I forgot my sleeping bag at home.”

Stretch’s brows rise. “Didya now? How unfortunate. Guess someone’ll have to share then, huh?” The way he says it makes you think he doesn’t actually feel bad about it at all. You squint at him a little, but he returns the look with one of pure innocence.

Did you forget it? Or were you _sabotaged?_ You continue to give Stretch a suspicious look. He keeps giving you big puppy dog eyes until you break. You’re weak.

But you were definitely sabotaged.

You grumble a little and Stretch laughs, patting you on the head.

“You’re welcome to stay in our tent. We’ve got space for one more and my sleeping bag’s pretty big.” He gives you a wink. “I can keep ya warm.”

You shrug, the picture of nonchalance. “That’s fine.” Internally, you’re screaming. You turn on your heel and trudge over to the center of camp.

First Red, then Rus, now _Stretch?_ How many skeletons are going to be physically affectionate with you?? You’ve had plenty of sleepovers with Sans and Papyrus, of course, but they never made any indication of being romantically interested in you before. That all these new skeletons are making passes at you so frequently is... hm. Could Sans and Papyrus be into you as well, then? Maybe Red, Rus and Stretch are the outliers. Black and Edge have made it explicitly clear they hate your guts, so you aren’t _necessarily_ a skeleton magnet. You’re going to have to collect more data.

You clear the area for the campfire and get it all set up. Blue’s decided to oversee everything, so he’s going to get the firewood and get the fire and food going. That leaves you to (finally) sit down and relax. Everyone gathers around, and nobody says anything. You all look at each other. Silently. Awkwardly.

“We could play a game,” Papyrus suggests, the first to break the ice. “We need to get to know each other better. We’re in the perfect situation for a scavenger hunt!” He pulls a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket and dramatically lays it out. “I even have a convenient list here of things we could search for!”

Red snorts. “We all used to live in the woods and _just_ moved to another one. Why would we wanna go lookin’ for plants and squirrels when we see ‘em every day?”

“I agree with the brute.” Black interjects. Red bristles and gives him a nasty glare. “While I would not be opposed to some kind of entertainment, I think something a bit more interesting than hunting for woodland creatures is called for.”

Papyrus looks thoughtful. “You mean like hunting for each other?”

Jupiter laughs sharply. “I like fast food, but I ain’t really enthused about chasing after all of you. I’m not a hunter for sport, ya know. Besides, my bro and I’d beat all of you in a flash. We’ve got lotsa experience in that department- it wouldn’t be a contest so much as a chore.” Chess looks ashamed, staring at the ground and sweating nervously. Is he okay?

“Then you do not have to participate,” Edge says, drawing your attention. “It can be between the proper residents of the lodge.” Jupiter growls and starts to stand up. You decide to intervene before things can escalate. You’ll have a chat later about who the ‘proper residents’ are and aren’t. Anyone living in the lodge is a proper resident.

You stand up quickly and clap your hands. “Soooo maybe a game of hide and go seek tag, then? Everyone goes and hides nearby, and someone has to find and catch everyone?”

“Heh, some of use are a little harder to catch than others.” Sans says. “Ya might have to instate some more rules than that.”

“No shortcuts, then. Maybe a time limit so it doesn’t drag on forever, too. Twenty minutes?”

Black scoffs. “I will surely be able to find everyone within _ten_.” You give him a confused look. “I am seeking first, of course. The mutt will be assisting me. It is not respectable for someone of my status to be crouching in the dirt, so I will be the one hunting you all.”

Ah. How on brand.

“If you volunteer then by all means. Is everyone else participating?”

There’s a round of agreement. Jupiter leans back in his chair and kicks up his feet on the pile of wood nearby. “Have fun.”

Chess looks like he has an idea. “I could be referee! I can monitor the time!”

“Yeah, sure thing.” You hand him your phone and pull up the clock app for him. “Hiders should get a one-minute head start, then the seekers have twenty minutes after that to find everyone. Sound good?”

“I am sure I will be done before then,” Black doesn’t make eye contact as he boasts, instead looking anywhere but you. Weirdo. “Just get it started already.”

Rus and Black close their sockets and everyone assembles on the edge of the campsite.

Chess stands at attention in front of everyone, holding a sweater. “Ready, steady, on your marks, get set... go!!” Chess waves his sweater like a flag and starts the timer.

Three skeletons bolt into the woods, one sets off at a light jog and two walk at a leisurely pace. You decide to pace yourself and follow Red’s lead, starting off with a jog. You’ll sprint once the preliminary minute’s up and find a good spot a bit deeper in the woods.

After you think the first minute’s over, you’re worried you’re not far enough away. You go a little faster to get some more distance, then slow down and quietly make your way in a different direction. Hopefully you’re in a good area. You’ve stopped to hide behind a close clump of trees; you can wedge yourself between them decently enough to be hidden on two sides, but you’re a goner if you’re spotted.

You have a rough idea of where camp is, and it’s not in eyesight anymore. But you know Black’s a determined, competitive and athletic sort of person, so you’re not too sure you’ll ever be far enough away to be safe. You’re not very worried about Rus- he gives off that lazy aura you’re all too familiar with. He’ll probably just wander around in circles for twenty minutes and give up-

You’re distracted by a shadow being cast over you, and you look up into Rus’ smug face. He’s leaning on the tree directly behind you, boxing you into your hiding spot.

“Gotcha, sunshine. How’s it feel to be the first loser?”

You groan. “Terrible.” You were certain you weren’t followed! How’d he find you so fast?

“Hmm.” Rus you a considering look, then a wink. “Maybe we can strike a deal, then. I’m not above being bribed, ya know.”

You think. He seems to be fishing for something specific. _Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh_ \- “I’ll give you... a kiss?” He seems to like those, after all.

He looks like he’s seriously thinking about it but shakes his head. “Na, pretty sure I can get those anyway.” What an entitled bastard. But he’s not wrong.

You’re running out of ideas. “I’ll... clean your room?”

“Not bad. Keep trying.”

“Bake you a cake?”

That gets his attention. “You can bake?”

You furrow your eyebrows and scrutinize him. “You saw me at work. Where I bake for a living.”

“Oh, right. Yeah, I’ll accept a nondescript baked good.” He leans back to give you the space to get free. “I’ll let you know when you gotta pay up.” With another cheeky wink, he’s gone.

You breathe a sigh of relief but hear decisive footsteps nearby. That might be Black, might not. But you’re not gonna take that chance. You start running in the opposite direction, hoping you won’t be heard and pursued.

You shove your way through some bushes and catch your breath. You’re not too worried about wandering off- if you get lost, you’re confident Jupiter could find you. He would probably have no trouble tracking the huge mess you just made forcing your way through the forest.

You continue at a slower pace, trying to find a good hiding spot. None of the trees look particularly climbable; they’re far too tall for you to even grab the lower hanging branches. You’ll have to settle for a nice bush somewhere.

A reflection catches your eye, and you strain to find the source through the trees. Ah! You can just make out a picturesque pond nearby with some thick brush you could probably camp out in. You listen closely and can’t hear anyone headed your way, so you make a break for it.

You’re nearly there when your boot catches on a root and you crash to the ground. You spit out some leaves and assorted matter with a sound of disgust and pick yourself back up. You dust yourself off and... pause.

Among the orange and yellow leaves scattered along the ground, there’s what looks like the remnants of a campfire. It’s a pretty amateur setup, if you have to say so yourself. None of the underbrush was cleared, and there aren’t even any signs they used wood for the fire. It’s just a pile of ash. Without a proper clearing, the fire could’ve easily spread over the fallen leaves and created a forest fire.... how irresponsible. Although, the texture doesn't seem quite right. It's too fine to be ash- is it sand? Still, something about is makes you uneasy. There’s an electricity in the air you would normally attribute to someone shortcutting nearby, but you haven’t heard anyone-

You’re distracted by the sound of someone making their way through the woods and remember you’re in a high-stakes game of hide and seek. Oh shit. You quickly and not-so-silently head in the opposite direction. You’re not going to make it to the pond at this rate, but maybe if you double back and head towards camp you can find another good spot to hide and let them pass. If not, you’ll at least maintain your head start and be able to run away.

The footsteps behind you get just a tiny bit faster and closer, and your heart sinks. He must’ve heard you! You’re not sure if it’s Black or Rus, but either of them is likely to be hard to get rid of. You’re not sure Rus’ll accept a second bribe so late in the game.

You pick up the pace, and your pursuer matches you footstep for footstep. You keep going, but it just continues. Whoever is chasing you isn’t gaining or losing ground at this point. They’re just following you at a consistent distance. Are you... being messed with? It’s obvious they’ve spotted you by now, why haven’t they tried to close the distance? Rus has the legs for it and Black is active enough to easily catch up.

Things are starting to feel... off. There’s a nervous feeling in your chest. You don’t know what it is, but it’s informing you that _something_ is not quite right.

You decide you’re done with this game, and you want to go hang out with Jupiter and Sans. You’ll take the loss. You just want to be done.

You take a guess which direction to head in, and sprint. The footsteps are still following you... but now they’re keeping a walking pace. You never seem to get very far away from them. If it sounds like you’re about to lose them, there’s a length of silence and suddenly the footsteps are much closer.

Your heart’s pounding. You’re _very much done with this game._ Some random part of your brain decides to inform you the birds have stopped singing. You think you’re going to pass out.

You have the horrible sinking feeling that you’re lost (and about to get brutally murdered) when something snags you by the collar and _yanks_ upwards. You’re pulled swiftly off the ground, swung up, and firmly deposited onto a tree branch by a _very_ displeased looking Edge.

You could hug him if you weren’t now afraid you were going to fall and get hurt.

“Are you _quite_ finished making a fool of yourself?” He hisses at you. He gives you a glare and starts climbing upwards.

You struggle to catch your breath and shakily follow him. “I- there- it was- _something_ was chasing me!” You choke out.

Edge stops a few branches above you, staring out into the woods with a wary look. He scans the area for a moment with intensity then shrugs. Seemingly deciding there’s nothing, he continues climbing until he’s at a height he’s satisfied with. You’re trying not to think about how far off the ground you are. “You are participating in a game of hide and go seek tag, are you not? You were bound to be pursued eventually, considering you seem to lack any and all skill in survival.”

You decide to stay where you are for fear of not being able to get back down. You also decide not to mention he put himself in a position to be caught when he came down to grab you and pull you to safety. “I suppose...”

Edge scoffs. “I wasn’t aware you could be so cowardly, human. I was under the impression you were capable of standing up for yourself.”

You look up at him in surprise, but he’s refusing to meet your gaze. He’s scanning the tree line and you’re not sure if it’s to avoid looking at you, or if he’s looking for something.

Was that... a compliment? A backhanded one, but just maybe... he’s starting to like you.

“I swear something was chasing me, and I don’t think it was Black or Rus. I don’t know what it was, but-” You’re interrupted by a chime from Edge’s jacket.

The timer!

“We won!” You’re surprised. You were certain Black would manage to hunt everyone down with how much he was boasting, but it looks like you were able to outplay him (with some assistance).

“Was there ever any doubt? I’m the great and terrible Papyrus. You think I would lose to some counterfeit version of my own brother?” You know he’s Papyrus, but it’s still weird to hear him say it. To think... you could’ve been calling _him_ ‘Paps’ or ‘Papy’ this whole time. He’d hate that for sure.

Edge starts climbing down with an agility you could only wish to have, and you attempt to follow. Turns out, getting into a tree with assistance is much easier than finding a way down. It doesn’t help Edge has the reach for foot and handholds that are much too far for you.

When you’re not even halfway down, he’s already on the ground and tapping his foot impatiently.

“Could you hurry it up? I want to rub my victory in Black’s smug face.”

You don’t think he’s going to look very smug when you announce he’s lost, but whatever. You slowly lower yourself to the next branch, testing your weight before releasing the one you were holding on to.

“I’m working on it! I’m not a spectacular acrobat like some other people I could mention. If I fall, I’ll probably shatter all my bones into tiny little pieces!”

That gets Edge’s attention, and if you didn’t know better, you’d say he looks a little worried. “Your bones?”

You wheeze a little, out of breath. Climbing trees is hard work. “Yeah, my bones. I have a skeleton.” You are fairly certain he should know that. Even _Papyrus_ knew that, even if he used to think humans were descended from skeletons. “And it doesn’t particularly want to be broken today, so I’ll climb at my own pace-” You’re cut off as your grip slips and you fall backwards.

You immediately brace for the horrible sensation of smashing into the ground, but there’s an unusual sensation of weight in your chest before you suddenly stop falling. There’s a dark blue heart hovering in front of you, and you’re still a good fifteen feet off the ground, but you’re just... hovering. Like gravity stopped existing, but only for you. Wild.

You look down, and Edge is staring up at you with a hand outstretched and an expression of uncharacteristic concern. When he sees you looking, he clears his throat and schools his expression to a more neutral one, but he’s still sweating nervously. You snort. He floats you down, and only when he has you held tight does he finally releases his hold on your... soul. That’s what that is, right? You’ve heard about them, but never seen yours before. It flickers to red before disappearing back wherever it goes. Is it supposed to change colors like that?

You’re shaking a little from the sudden rush of falling out of a tree, but otherwise totally fine. Magic is so useful; you wish you had some, but you’d probably end up just as lazy as Sans. May the world never see a day where you can use shortcuts.

You pat Edge on the shoulder. “Thanks for the save. I owe you one.”

“You most certainly do. Without my spectacular reflexes you would’ve been injured.”

“I wasn’t expecting an intervention, to be honest with you. You don’t seem to like me all that much. Why didn’t you just let me fall?”

He looks startled for a moment before giving you a scathing look. “I was not about to allow something as simple as gravity cause harm to befall my- my brother’s human.”

Awwww.

“That’s so sweet of you. Are you going to carry me back to camp, too?” You indicate the fact he’s still holding you like a princess. You feel special, you’re not gonna lie. It’s nice to be held like you weigh as much as a bag of grapes.

Edge glares down at you and... drops you. You hit the ground with a dull thud and an ‘oof’. You groan. That’s gonna bruise.

“Oops.” He deadpans. “Gravity exacted vengeance.”

“That was cold. My knight in shining armor has shown his true colors... and they suck.”

“Hilarious,” Edge doesn’t laugh. “Now get up and start walking. Black’s ego needs deflating and I’m going to be the one to do it.”

You don’t mention that Black isn’t the only one in the house with a massive ego. There are at least three other skeletons that suffer from severe narcissism.

Edge practically drags you through the woods back to camp. The sun’s already started to set, and the shadows have begun growing longer. You wonder if you’ll make it back before all the light’s gone. Edge has a harsh grip on your hand, and if it didn’t hurt a little you think it’s kinda cute that he’s holding your hand. But he’s sure in his footsteps and sense of direction, never faltering or looking confused about where to go. You don’t miss how sharp his glare is, watching everything with suspicion as you head back. What does he expect to see?

Needless to say, Black is furious that you won. He probably would’ve accepted the loss to Edge with some grace, but the fact he lost to a _human_ as well really pisses him off. He stomps off to his tent to fume and Rus gives you a congratulatory pat on the shoulder. He leans in to whisper a reminder about his ‘payment’ and you sigh. You wonder how angry Black would be if he knew the truth; your win was bought by bribing Rus first thing and being dragged into a tree by Edge.

The evening is passed with quiet chatter and some stories told around the fire. Marshmallows are roasted and lots of alcohol is had. Not by everyone, of course, but by most. Papyrus, Chess and Blue might be the only sober ones. You’ve lost track, honestly. You’re pleasantly tipsy and having a great time.

You actually manage to have a nice conversation with Edge. Red is completely passed out on your shoulder and you’re holding a hot cider to stave off the cold.

“You’re a baker?” He asks, incredulous. You thought you made your profession clear, but you suppose not everyone pays attention to you.

“Yeah, I work at a cafe in town. Black and Rus have already paid me a visit.” You give him a cheeky smile. “You’re welcome to stop by for some coffee and a scone.”

Edge hums and stares into the fire. “I’ll consider it.” Looking at Red’s sleeping face make you yawn, causing a chain reaction of yawns from the other skeletons that notice.

“Think it might be bedtime, guys.” You’re still a little sore from the hike, so a good night’s sleep is sounding pretty good to you.

You can’t see Blue or Papyrus, so they must’ve already gone to bed. Likewise, Sans is already asleep leaned up against a log. You’ll have to wake him up or drag him into his tent or he’ll be achy in the morning. Edge stands up and picks up Red like a sack of potatoes. There’s a wet spot on your shoulder from where Red was drooling on you. Gross.

“Good night, human.” He says, then turns sharply on his heel and strides away.

“Nighty night,” you call to his back. “It was nice hanging out with you.” You don’t get a response, but you still feel like that was a win somehow. One grump down, one to go.

You shake Sans awake, but he’s clearly not in the mood to walk over to his tent, so you pick him up and carry him over. He nuzzles your shoulder a little with a pleased hum and you laugh softly. It’s a little difficult to dislodge him from your sweater- he’s attached like a koala and not inclined to let go. Eventually you pry his grip loose and tuck him into his sleeping bag. He resumes snoring after a slurred, ‘g’night’ and you back out as quietly as you can.

You spot Rus on the edge of the woods, smoking alone and staring off into the distance. He doesn’t acknowledge your presence, so you leave him be.

You stow your sweater in your bag and swap out your jeans for a pair of pajama shorts. If you’re sharing a sleeping bag you want to avoid overheating.

Right. Sharing a sleeping bag. You stare at Blue’s tent for what feels like an eternity. Welp.

You head over to the tent and peek in. Blue is asleep, snoring quietly and curled up in a ball in his sleeping bag. He’s got a sleep mask on that’s printed to look like sunglasses, and it’s absolutely adorable. Stretch is next to him, stretched out in his sleeping bag and scrolling through his phone. He looks up when he notices you and gives you a warm smile.

“Ready for bed, honey?” He asks quietly.

You nod and crawl in. Stretch scoots over to make room and you crawl in beside him. It’s a snug fit, but to be fair, he’s a giant skeleton. You’re just lucky they even make sleeping bags big enough for him.

Stretch rolls over onto his side and pulls you to his chest. He tucks your head under his chin and sighs. “Comfy?” He sounds half-asleep already.

“Yeah,” you whisper back. You’re not sure if you’ll be able to sleep like this, but you’re willing to give a valiant effort.

Turns out you can sleep just fine. For someone made of bones, Stretch is surprisingly cuddle-able. You wake up with your face buried in his hoodie. He’s still asleep, snoring away, but Blue’s gone. There’s sun filtering in through the material of the tent, and it’s a perfect moment.

That moment is shattered when someone crashes through your tent wall, landing on top of the both of you and tangling you in tent. You give a shout of surprise and Stretch is woken up in an instant, but he’s not exactly coherent.

“Huh-wuh, what’s- who’s- what’s going on??”

Whoever landed on you is quickly helped up and dragged away, and the tent wall is lifted off you. You struggle to untangle yourself from Stretch and get out of the tent, but eventually succeed. He exits by your side with a grimace.

“What’s going on here?” You ask. Why can’t you have nice things? Why does some drama always have to happen when you least expect it?

Rus and Black are at odds with Jupiter, who’s being held back by Blue and Papyrus. Chess looks worried but is standing silently off to the side.

“That little bastard insulted my brother,” Jupiter snarls. “you can insult _me_ all ya want, but my bro’s off the menu.”

“I was merely stating a fact,” Black says. “there is no need to instigate violence over the truth.”

You rub your eyes to try and wake yourself up a little more. “Okay, fun times are over. Let’s get packed up and leave before we kill each other. We can talk about this when we get home.”

Jupiter hesitantly relaxes himself, and he’s released. Black scoffs and turns to his tent. Rus is the one that starts taking it down. You help Stretch and Blue get their stuff in order, and in no time it’s like you were never even there.

It’s so convenient having a bunch of housemates that can teleport. It was fun hiking out there, but you want to maximize your last day off. It doesn’t take much convincing to get everyone to shortcut home.

You all appear in the living room in a blink, and you heave a great big sigh. It was all going so well, too. You toss your bag in your room to be unpacked later and get comfy on the couch with a blanket to warm up, content to watch some TV and unwind on your last day off. You’ll deal with Black’s problems later. As long as Jupiter and Chess are chill for the time being.

Red settles by your side but quickly leans away. “Damn, babe, are ya usually this hot?”

You laugh. “Ah yes, my pajamas and blanket cocoon are just soooo sexy.”

“No no no.” You turn to look at him, and he’s looking at you with a shocking amount of concern. “I mean temperature-wise. Yer always _hot_ , but are ya supposed to be this _warm_?”

You feel kind of cold, actually. Hence the blanket.

Sans comes over and puts a hand on your forehead. “Mm, it’s kinda hard for me to tell, but I think you might have a fever. Lemme get the thermometer.” He heads over to the kitchen, and now _Stretch_ is testing your temperature.

“A fever?” Stretch asks, his hand still held to your forehead.

“When humans get sick our bodies increase our core temperature to try to kill the virus. If we get too hot it can cook our brain, though, so we gotta watch out for that.”

“Cook yer brain??” Red says, aghast.

“Your own body’s defenses can sometimes _kill you_??” Stretch is now much more concerned.

You shrug. “Human bodies are weird, what can I say?” You’re shivering quite a bit now. You probably have a fever. Just your luck.

Sans returns with Papyrus and the thermometer, and the four skeletons stand around you nervously as you take your temperature. The thermometer beeps and is pulled out of your mouth milliseconds lightning fast. Papyrus compares it to the numbers on the box and makes a tittering sound. “You are fevered! This will not do!”

“I’ll be fine. I’ll go to bed and be fine for work in the morning, this is no reason to panic.” You go to stand up but are pressed back down into the couch. You groan. Papyrus is now in full nurse mode.

“You are in no condition to go to work. You can take one more day off, I’m sure it will be fine!”

Sans already has your phone in his hands and is dialing a number. You go to swipe it back, but he sidesteps your grab with a cheeky wink. “Hey- ...oh, nah, this is Sans, actually. Ya know, their-” Sans gets cut off and looks at you over his shoulder. “Weeeeell, I wouldn’t say they’re doin’ _great._ They’ve got a fever. Just letting you know they aren’t gonna make it in tomorrow.” Your shift manager says something you can’t quite catch, and Sans’ cheekbones go blue. “Y-yeah, thanks. We’ll keep you updated.” He hangs up and doesn’t quite meet your eyes. That’s unusual.

“Thanks,” you say, suspicious. “but I’ll probably just sleep this off.”

“Aw, a day off won’t kill ya, sunshine.” Rus elbows past Stretch to check your temperature himself. Why are they all so handsy all of a sudden?? They can’t even distinguish temperature well. His hand lingers on your forehead until Sans swats it away. They exchange a glare until Papyrus shoves them _both_ away to drop to his knees at your feet. They resume glaring behind him, but your focus is dragged to the skeleton before you when he puts both hands on either side of your face and squeezes your cheeks a little.

“We’ll take care of you, dear friend!” Papyrus pulls the blanket around your shoulders tighter around you and rearranges the couch pillows to support you. “You’ll be back to full health in no time!!”

“I just need to go to bed and rest, it’s not a big deal.” You insist.

“Oh, of course, of course.” He pulls you into a hug that knocks over all the carefully arranged pillows, then switches his hold on you to pick you up. You give a little shriek of surprise as you’re suddenly lifted off the couch and wrap your arms around his neck for stability. Papyrus gives you a dazzling smile and starts marching towards the stairs. “To bed, then!!”

Rus and Sans watch you get carried away, then resume their staring match. Your life is turning into a soap opera, and you’re not sure how you feel.

You’re carried all the way to your room, where Papyrus carefully deposits you into bed. He tucks you in with all the tenderness he can muster (it’s a lot) and pats your head. “There, all set! Now you can properly recuperate!” He presses a skeleton kiss to your hair (complete with the traditional Papyrus ‘MWAH’ sound effect) and pulls up your computer chair to sit beside your bed.

Sans wanders in and sits at your feet. “Ya need anything, bud? Most of us’ll be home tomorrow, so we can help ya get better.”

“Na,” you yawn. “I’ll be fine for now. Just gonna go to sleep again, I guess.”

You get a nod, and your housemates leaves the room and shuts the door behind him.

When you wake up, you’re not sure if the sun is rising or setting. You up through your window for a good long while trying to figure it out, then just check your phone for the time. It’s evening. You managed to sleep all day. Your throat aches, your head aches, your whole body aches, and now your nose is running. You’re still shivering, so you’re probably still fevered. You should’ve known your fatigue a couple days prior was a precursor to illness.

You manage to pull yourself out of bed and into the bathroom to fumble about through the medicine cabinet. You’re lucky enough to find an unopened bottle of Nyquil, and don’t hesitate to crack that bad boy open and take a dose. You take the opportunity to refill your glass of water, and crawl back into bed. It’s not long before the drowsiness catches up with you, and you fall back asleep.

You’re roused from your slumber by someone shaking you violently. Red’s got a hold of your shoulders and is shouting your name directly into your face.

“Huh wuh?” You respond eloquently. Your head is still pounding, and you feel like you’re being dragged up from the bottom of the ocean. Every movement is sluggish, every thought a momentous task. “Wha’s goin’ on?”

Red releases you with a relieved sigh and you flop back onto your pillow. “Thank the stars, I was so worried! You wouldn’t respond to-”

You’re awoken again, this time by Sans. Both he and Red are standing over you with matching looks of concern and you blink blearily up at them. It’s hard to keep them in focus, and your eyes just want to slip back shut.

“You good, pal?” Sans is saying. You stare at him incomprehensibly and he snaps his phalanges in front of your face. “Are you okay?”

Aww. They’re concerned about you. How sweet. “Just peachy.” You giggle and boop him on the nasal bone.

Sans gives you a confounded look and turns to mumble something at Red. They have a quiet conversation, occasionally casting glances at you. You can’t make out what they’re saying, but you think it’s about you. Or someone else with your name. Their voices are... kinda soothing, you think to yourself. Wait, did you say that out loud? You might’ve said that out loud. It’s hard to tell what’s actually happening, for all the fuzziness in your brain. You could totally be dreaming _right this moment_. Your eyes slip shut to the sounds of their baritone murmuring.

The next time you’re woken up, every single skeleton is crowded around your bed and arguing. You’re surprised you didn’t get woken up earlier, considering how loud it is in your room. You don’t recall inviting anyone in. This is a serious breach of your privacy.

“There’s no reason to panic yet, they’re probably just sleeping-”

“You know very well it is not normal for a human to be _unresponsive_ for extended periods of time _._ We should be able to wake them easily! Even my useless _brother_ can be woken up easier than this.” The harsh voice cuts through the chatter easily, and jolt of pain goes through your skull.

“I think we should contact Alphys. She knows about people fallin’ down, right? That’s her thing? And they’re a human, so maybe the DT wouldn’t melt ‘em into a pile of goo.”

“I think we’re jumping to conclusions, here, and we certainly shouldn’t be leaping to _injecting them with DT.”_

“They already have determination, what’s the worst that could happen? It’s just an idea-”

There’s someone crying in your ear with big choking sobs, and you think it’s Blue. “Huuu-maaaan,” he’s interrupted by a hiccup that only makes him wail louder, “please wake up! I didn’t mean to make you fall down with so much exercise!!” There’s a dull thunk on the bed frame next to your head.

“It’s gonna be okay, bro. They’re just, uh, sleeping. Like Sans said.” That’s Stretch. Wow, he’s way calmer than everyone else. You hear a sniffle. Or... maybe not.

What is everybody’s problem?

You can hear distressed ‘nyoo hoo hoo’s coming from multiple corners of the room, and you’re certain you’re not going to get over your illness like this. Your headache’s returned with a vengeance and it’s all you can do to open your eyes and try to focus on the ceiling. You peek over, and there’s a big blurry blob that looks vaguely like Blue sobbing with his head against your bedpost. Stretch is patting his back gently, but he’s staring into space with a dead look in his sockets that makes him look haunted.

You manage to weakly lift your head and give an incredulous look around. “Who th’ fuck _died_?”

All the skulls in the room snap over to you, and suddenly Blue is dragging you half out of bed in a hug that’s bordering on a chokehold. He’s still sobbing in your ear. “You’re awake!! Thank the stars!”

Stretch helps set you back in bed, and all the skeletons crowd around. Everyone’s talking at once, and you think your head’s going to explode. You pull the pillow out from under you and hold it over your face.

“Everyone please shut up,” you whine. Your wish is granted for about three seconds.

“What’s going on, babe? We couldn’t wake you up!”

“I took medicine that makes me sleepy.” You peek out from under your pillow shield and nobody looks convinced. “You woke me up, I just fell back asleep.”

“Why don’t you warn us before you do something like that, huh?” Red continues. “We thought ya fell down!”

“Why didn’t you read the label on the medicine on my nightstand?” You gesture to the bottle of Nyquil to your left. “The one that clearly says, ‘causes drowsiness’ and ‘delirium’?”

Sans and Red stare at the bottle with apprehension.

“You two are useless.” Apparently, they both share a single brain cell. “What do you mean, ‘fell down’?” Everyone exchanges glances, but nobody wants to answer. You groan. “Whatever. Please let me go back to sleep.” You take this opportunity to help yourself to a second dose of Nyquil. It’s been enough time, and you certainly still feel like shit enough to warrant it. You grimace at the taste, but power through.

“Yer sure you’re okay?” Red asks. Some of the other skeletons around the room exchanges unconvinced looks. As nice as it was, they were all worried about you, you could do without the stifling over protectiveness.

“I’m 99.99 percent sure I will not be dying in my sleep.” You reply. “Accounting for unexpected circumstances.” You snuggle down into your blankets.

Papyrus snags your arm and holds it to his chest. “Unexpected circumstances???” His sockets are huge, he still has tear tracks on his cheekbones, and you immediately feel bad for misleading him, even if it was just a snarky joke.

“Sorry, that was a joke. Wasn’t funny, I guess.”

Jupiter snorts from the corner. You hadn’t even realized he was here. “That was in poor taste, but if you’re _not_ dying then I guess _someone_ was misteaken.” He directs a glare at Red and Sans.

“’M not gonna apologize fer being worried.” Red grumbles. He jabs a finger at Sans. “But I _will_ be angry that you didn’t know what happens when humans get sick or take medicine. How long have you lived together?”

Sans shrugs with a sheepish smile. “I’ve never seen them this sick before.”

You rap a knuckle on your bed frame to get everyone’s attention again. “As much as I appreciate your concern, can I get back to being unconscious? In peace?”

“You mind if one of us stays with you?” Sans says. “To make sure you’re okay.”

You shrug. “I’ll be asleep. Doesn’t matter to me either way.”

Papyrus suddenly jolts. “Do you smell burning?”

Sans furrows his brow at his brother. “Weren’t you making dinner?” Papyrus gets up without a word and sprints away.

Edge scoffs and pulls up your computer chair. “If either of you imbeciles do it, you’ll _obviously_ fall asleep. That one is clearly emotionally compromised-” Blue sniffles a little but doesn’t argue. “-and you obviously don’t care.” Black looks offended and just straight up leaves the room. Rus follows shortly after, casting you a sympathetic glance on the way out. “That leaves me.”

Everybody is surprised by that. Even you’re surprised by that, half-asleep as you are.

“Okay... we can take turns, how ‘bout that? I’ll come back in an hour.” Sans shoves his hands in his pockets. “Sound fair?”

Edge takes his seat and gives Sans the most unimpressed look you’ve ever seen on him. “I am perfectly capable of keeping the human alive. Go and make yourself _useful_ and get them something to eat. I’ve heard there’s specific food that is good for ailing humans.”

Sans gives you a concerned look but departs. Edge shoos his brother with a wave of his hand, and Red follows his blue counterpart. Stretch seems reluctant to go but retreats hastily with Blue in tow when Edge gives them a harsh glare. Jupiter and Chess disappeared when you weren’t looking.

You’re now alone with Edge. He scrutinizes you harshly, then sighs. He pulls your blanket up to your chin and brushes some hair out of your face.

“You are very weak, you know.” He says. You’re not sure you’re ever heard him sound this soft.

“Yeah.” You certainly feel weak.

He sighs and looks away, crossing one leg over the other and looking around your room.

It doesn’t take long for you to fall back asleep again, but you could swear you felt a hand gently stroking your hair before you did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3k hits and 300 kudos!! what a milestone! thank you so much for all the lovely comments and taking the time to read my silly story <3 
> 
> not featured:
> 
> -Edge watching you run around the woods, debating whether or not it’s worth it to intervene
> 
> -Black angrily sitting by himself in his tent. bested? by you?? again???
> 
> -Stretch doesn’t actually fall asleep first, he just pretends because he’s too nervous to fall asleep for a couple hours. you’re!! so!! soft!!!
> 
> -your boss said sans was a good boyfriend for calling in for you :)
> 
> -Red and Sans being incredibly smug that you think their voices are soothing, then panicking that you fell asleep again.


	8. Miracle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> revelations

Like you’d predicted, by the next day you’re feeling much better. Your headache and congestion has lessened enough that you’ve gone ahead and quit the Nyquil, but your new bedside nurse is adamant at keeping you in bed. Edge doesn’t exactly have the best bedside manners, but he also hasn’t moved from his spot in at least 6 hours so he gets points for dedication. 

“Thanks for taking care of me,” you say during one of the lengthy silences.

Edge doesn’t move his gaze from the spot on the wall he’s been staring at for the better part of an hour. “Do not mention it.” 

You snort. “You didn’t have to do it. I appreciate it.”

“I just said to not mention it.” He finally tears his gaze away from the wall to look down at you. His expression isn’t as sharp as it usually is and you’d hesitate to call it warm... But you’re getting there.

“Okay, okay. Fine.” You drop it, and go back to sitting in a dark room with an edgy skeleton at your bedside. Neither you nor he say anything, and you just sit in comfortable(?) silence. The shadows in the room move slowly as time passes, and you spend most of it dozing. You slept nearly all of yesterday, but you’re still fatigued from the fever. Not tired enough to sleep completely, but definitely enough to just sit in bed and think. It’s a nice reprieve, in a way.

It’s not long until Blue nearly breaks down your door, jarring you from your thoughts. Edge regards him coolly as he marches in with a bowl of... what you think is soup held in his gloved hands. 

“I bring you nourishing sustenance, human!” Blue chimes. “Eat it and get well!” You’re... not sure if you can actually eat that. You don’t think you had edible glitter in the house, and that’s definitely a sliced banana floating in among the noodles. Not to mention some of the vegetables... might not be vegetables. The broth is a weird color and even though it’s nearly across the room, you can smell something like chocolate syrup. It looks exactly like something Papyrus would have cooked before your lessons with him, and you have a feeling you’re going to have to invite Blue along for the next one. 

Edge takes one look at the contents, snatches it out of his hands, and chucks it out the window. You can hear the glass shatter in the yard moments later. “What are you trying to do, poison them?” He snarls, standing up and moving forward to loom over Blue.

Blue looks momentarily hurt, but bounces back quickly. He strikes a pose and tosses you a grin. “Your recipe was lacking in pizzazz! I tried to improve it, but I might have been a little overzealous in hindsight... I can go make another one!” He turns on his heel, but is stopped when Edge grabs his arm in a harsh grip.

“You absolute buffoon, you think I’m going to trust you with this basic task after you failed it the first time?” Edge pulls Blue in so close that they’re nose to nose. “Clearly you are incapable of the most basic of tasks-”

You sit forward to smack Edge’s arm, and he turns to you with a growl. He realizes it was you and relaxes slightly, but still regards you with a sharp glare. “Hey, calm down,” you reprimand. “You don’t get to talk to him that way.”

Edge releases the smaller skeleton but still looks absolutely pissed off. “If you are to get better you must eat something proper. He is clearly inept and needs to be set straight.” 

“If you can’t trust him to do it why don’t you just do it yourself?” You challenge.

In a flash Edge is on his feet and marching to the door. He halts in the doorway and stiffly spins around to point at Blue. “You will watch over them. If there is any problem at all, bring it to my attention. If it is an emergency, call for help.”

Blue gives him a jaunty salute and clicks his heels together. “Sir yes sir!”

Edge gives him one more lasting glare before exiting. You’re left alone with Blue. He’s quick to break the silence, something you’re grateful for. 

“He’s warming up to us, I think!” He says with a sparkle in his eyelights. “He won’t admit it, of course, but he’s getting soft. He hasn’t threatened actual violence in at least 24 hours!”

You snort. “Slowly but surely. He’s still pretty abrasive but I’ll give him this- he’s a decent babysitter.” You haven’t wanted for anything since he took it upon himself to be your caretaker. The moment you think you might be thirsty, your water glass was topped up; if you were too warm your blankets were rearranged and the window propped open. Edge has quite a knack for making someone feel taken care of.

Blue hums and settles into the chair. “Might have something to do with his upbringing.” His voice gets conspiratory, and he leans in as though to share a secret. “From what I’ve heard, things were pretty rough down there. That’s why they have a high LV! Being here must be good for him if he’s calming down.”

There was that word again- LV. That’s the second time you’ve heard it, and it still means nothing to you. You want to ask about it, but you’re more curious about that mention of Red and Edge’s Underground.

You think back to your date with Red. “Red told me a little bit about it, but didn’t seem comfortable enough to share much. Where did you hear that?” 

Blue waves a hand. “Rus and I chat all the time. He’s just like if my brother hadn’t grown out of his goth phase! And also a bit angrier. And also completely different. But we get along! We hang out.”

You nod. That makes sense, you suppose. “Where did Rus hear about it, then? Their Underground is different from the others’, just like how yours was different from ours.”

“Oh, that’s easy. Rus drinks with Red all the time. They’re good pals! They have a lot in common, I guess?” Blue taps a phalanx on his jaw thoughtfully. “It’s kinda weird, seeing versions of ourselves and brothers that are so similar to us and yet so different. I can see so much of myself in your Sans, it’s uncanny. And yet... I guess you would compare me more to Papyrus outwardly, wouldn’t you?” He gives you a curious look. “What do you think of me, having lived with them for so long?” 

You’re surprised. Sure, you’d thought about how weird it was they were all versions of each other... but also they were different enough you could consider them separate entities. To have Blue explicitly acknowledge the fact he’s Sans but just... different... it made your headache return a little bit. You think hard. How do you want to approach this?

Blue seems to recognize your hesitation and backpedals. “You don’t have to answer if it bothers you! I was just wondering, I hadn’t considered that maybe it was a weird-”

“No no no, it’s fine.” You quickly soothe. “I’m just trying to figure out my words.” You look at Blue, truly taking him in. He really does look like Sans’ twin. They both have the same round face, fused jaws and big eye sockets... but Blue has big, sky blue eyelights that glint with a bright mirth you don’t often see in Sans’ default expression. The creases under his eye sockets aren’t as prominent, but there’s still a kind of weariness in his face that makes you realize he really is the older brother. His grin is just as easy as your best friend’s, but it’s a little wider, just that tiny bit easier. Not to mention the fashion sense; Blue dresses much nicer than Sans, and regularly rotates his outfits as opposed to Sans’ default blue hoodie and basketball shorts. 

You nod slowly, coming to a consensus. “I can see where you would be considered versions of each other,” you start. Blue tilts his head, clearly intrigued. “But I can definitely say you are not the same person.”

“Care to elaborate?” Blue says. His smile’s shrunk a bit, and he’s giving you an analytical look you’ve never seen before... on his face at least. You might have to re-evaluate some of your assumptions.

“You both seem tired but... somehow in different ways?” Blue’s sockets widen slightly and you’re suddenly not sure if you want to voice your opinions. What if you’re wrong about something and insult him? “But you both like puns. You both care about your brothers more than anything else, and you take care of them a lot. But you also do that very differently, uh... yeah.” You cough a little. “You’re both short and blue? But you have a better fashion sense.” That drags a laugh out of your companion and you relax marginally. 

“How interesting.” he says with a giggle. He pins you with a look you can’t quite place and you look away quickly. 

You’re saved from having to answer more questions when Edge returns, kicking open the door with a booted foot and trudging in. He has a new bowl of soup held in his clawed gloves, but the smell that immediately hits your nose is shockingly delicious. You’d had some reservations about what he would return with, but they’re immediately quelled when you take a look at the contents of the bowl. It looks amazing. You’re pretty sure you’d only had canned soup available in the kitchen, but he must’ve done something to spruce it up because oh boy. 

Edge hands it over with a ‘careful, it’s hot’ and you gratefully accept the bowl. It’s definitely hot, but you can barely contain your excitement at the prospect of good food. You take a tentative sip from the spoon, and sure enough you’re amazed. Edge seems pleased by the noises of appreciation you make.

“What’d you do to this, dude? It’s fantastic!”

“Trade secret,” Edge scoffs. “A master chef does not share his recipes.”

“Unless you’re Gordon Ramsey, Jamie Oliver, Guy Fieri-”

“Just eat the damn soup, human.” 

You don’t have to be told twice.

Blue seems impressed as well. “Where’d you learn to cook, Edge? That looks great!” 

Edge preens. “I’m self-taught, of course.” You nearly choke on your next spoonful. That’s exactly what Papyrus had said when you asked all those years ago, although he’d amended the statement by saying that...

“You didn’t train with Undyne?” You ask. 

“Hah! We cooked together briefly, but separated due to artistic differences. We still meet for guard debriefings and the occasional sparring match, but aside from that we tend to avoid each other. It doesn’t do to get too close to one another, after all. To many opportunities for weakness.”

“Wait. So you’re not friends with Undyne?” You ask, incredulous. 

Edge scoffs. “We don’t have room in the Underground for friends. We were coworkers at best. Were it to better her position or save her hide I’m sure she would stab me in the back at the earliest opportunity.”

Your chest feels hollow. You can’t imagine Papyrus without Undyne. They’re such good friends, and balance each other so well. Did Edge and Red really only have each other? “That’s terrible. What a dreary place to grow up in.”

“It made us strong.” Edge casts Blue a sidelong glance. “Unlike some of your housemates, my brother and I aware of the darker aspects of this world. Betrayal, sabotage, manipulation; these are the ways to get ahead. Not with friends.” 

“Friends aren’t a weakness, Edge. They are a strength. I would do anything for Sans and Papyrus and they would do the same. We will always have each other’s back; how can that be a weakness? You trust Red, don’t you? Wouldn’t you consider him a strength?”

“They’re right! Connections to one another are what make us strong!” Blue chimes in.

Edge actually laughs. It’s a harsher and more violent ‘nyeh heh heh’ than you’re used to, but it’s still undeniably Papyrus. You involuntarily soften. “When my brother can be convinced to do his job or throw around his weight, of course he is a force to be reckoned with. However I would hesitate to call him anything more than an occasionally valuable asset.”

“He’s your brother, surely he’s worth more to you than an asset. Your relationships are important, Edge. It would do you well to cultivate them.”

It’s a while before you get a response. “Even if I wanted friends, I am not likely to make them in this world. I do not belong here. I am not... what does your Papyrus say? ‘Cuddly’?” He gestures vaguely downward at himself.

He’s most certainly not cuddly considering the amount of spikes he wears, but without them he’s surely as cuddly as any other skeleton. You’ve found Papyrus to be quite comfortable in the right scenarios.

You grab his hands in yours and look up at him with wide eyes. You’re filled with determination. “I am your friend.” You declare. Edge stares down at you in shock. Crimsons spreads inwards from his cheekbones to his nasal ridge until he’s nearly as red as his brother’s jacket. It takes him a moment to recover, and he wrenches his hands from your grip. 

“I don’t need friends,” he growls. “It was purely a hypothetical scenario.”

“It doesn’t have to be hypothetical! You have one! It’s me. I’m your friend now.”

Edge sputters, just as Blue interjects. “And me as well! I’m already friends with Rus, who’s friends with Red, so you already have a circle of friends to take care of you and you didn’t even realize!”

Edge swiftly turns his back to you, hands going up to cover the growing red on his skull. You soften with the knowledge you’re not the only bleeding heart in the house. He doesn’t speak for a moment, and you give him the chance to cool off. When he finally turns around again, he stands stiffly and regards you with an emotionless expression. Still, you can see a softness around his sockets that was most certainly not there before. 

“You should continue resting,” he grumbles. He turns to Blue. “You, menace.” Blue gives him a winning smile.

“Yes, friend?”

Edge shifts. Or flinches? You’re not exactly sure what that response was. “You may leave. Our housemate needs to rest.”

Looks like Edge decided to put the kibosh on the friend-making. That was fine; you’d gotten pretty far with him the last 24 hours anyway.

“Not a problem!” Blue gave you one last pat on the head and a conspiratory wink that you mirrored with a grin. “I will see you guys later, then!” With that, he marches out the door.

Edge, you notice, is markedly silent. He’s staring at the carpet with a contemplative look, and you desperately wish you could hear his thoughts. His eyelights flicker up to you. “You may stop staring.”

“Oh!” You flush. “Right, sorry. I’ll just… take another nap?”

That gets you a nod, and you turn over and pull the covers up. You’re not sure you’ll be able to sleep, actually, but whatever. You’ve got your phone, and VidTube is calling your name.

You’ve finally convinced Edge to let you get out of bed and get some fresh air when you hear the commotion downstairs. You exchange a look with him of weary resignation and he returns it tenfold. 

“Stretch and Jupiter?” You guess. You can for sure identify an annoyed tenor and grumpy baritone over the other voices filtering up from downstairs. 

“I would think a safer bet is your slob of a housemate and the tyrant’s brother... they have been at each other’s throats for the last two days, after all.” Sans and Rus have been arguing? Edge tilts his head to the side, his eyes narrowing in concentration. “Yes, I believe it is your Sans and my lazier counterpart. Would you like me to intervene?” There’s something in his expression that makes you think he’s just itching to be involved in an altercation. You shake your head.

“I can deal with it.” You sigh. Edge hums, unconvinced. You make it to the doorway before you hesitate and turn back to look at him. “But... I wouldn’t mind backup?” Edge’s glower turns into a triumphant smirk as he strides across the room to follow you. “Thanks, friend.” The begrudging grumble you hear over your shoulder is worth the sharp look you receive. 

Sure enough, Sans and Rus are at the bottom of the stairs flanked by Red and Black. Sans and Rus both have an easygoing grin on their faces, mirroring each other in casual stances with their hands in their pockets... but there’s a kind of tension in the air you recognize from your first argument with Black. Barely restrained magic, you would assume. You’ve never known Sans to be a confrontational kind of guy, so to hear he’s not only having an issue with Rus now, but has been having ongoing issues is a shock. 

They don’t notice you and Edge watching them from the landing above, and you take that opportunity to get a read on the situation. 

“They’re not your concern,” Sans is saying. “No offense, but you barely know them. What makes you think you know what they need better than I do?”

Rus snorts. “Doesn’t take a genius, just someone that can see. Are you too chickenshit to take a chance? Because I’m not and I dunno if you’ve noticed, but that’s been working pretty strongly in my favor the last couplea days-”

Yeah, you have no idea what this is about, but the uncharacteristic anger that crosses Sans’ face makes you think it’s time to intervene. 

You head down the stairs, purposefully taking loud steps to draw their attention. All the skulls in the room turn to look at you and Edge, and you think you see a mix of relief and shame before they all just look happy to see you. Well, you wouldn’t say Black is happy to see you per say... but he’s at least not unhappy to see you. 

“Ah, heya bud. Didn’t know you were there.” Sans rubs the back of his neck, taking a step back. 

“Clearly.” Edge snarls. “What are you imbeciles fighting about today?”

“Oh ya know. Same old, same old.” Rus tosses you a wink. “It’s good to see you up. Feeling better, sunshine?”

You cross your arms. “Well enough to get embroiled in your drama, yeah. Anyone gonna explain what’s going on here?” You turn to pin Sans specifically with a look. “Apparently you and Rus’ve been fighting for days?”

Sans’ grin gets tight at the edges. “Naaaaaa, we’re best buds. Where’d ya hear that?”

Edge takes a short step forward and looks down at Sans with a sharp look. “Me.”

Sans is visibly sweating. “Oh. Well, me’n Rus are great pals. We’re just having a little disagreement here, nothing to make a big deal about.”

Rus barks out a laugh, but otherwise doesn’t speak.

“Do not mistake me for a fool. As far as I’m concerned you’re just a smaller, weaker version of my own brother.”

Sans looks confused. “So?”

“I can tell when you’re lying.”

Oof… If Edge can tell when both Red and Sans are lying, does that mean Papyrus can do the same? You’ll have to ask him about that later.

Now even Red is sweating. “Now, now, boss... maybe it’s just best to lay this all to rest, huh? They’ll get over it soon, right?”

Black cackles. “I wouldn’t be so sure. From the way they’ve been bickering since the annoying one took us into the woods it’ll continue well into the future.”

Sans stiffens, giving you a wide-socket look you recognize as being busted. 

“You’ve been fighting since the camping trip?? What on Earth is going on between-”

You’re interrupted by Stretch’s voice calling from the living room. “Uhhh, guys? I think you should come in here and watch this.” 

You cast Sans one last unimpressed glare and walk over. Stretch is, naturally, stretched out on the couch watching the TV worriedly. He’s paused whatever news channel he was watching, and doesn’t un-pause it until most of the other housemates have wandered over. 

“-has finally come to a tragic end. The body of the young man was discovered a few miles into the southern Ebott woods this morning. According to forensic experts he’s likely been dead since Sunday; the investigation is still ongoing. If you have any information, please don’t hesitate to call-” 

Edge snatches the remote from Stretch and shuts the TV off with a click. There is a tense silence. You’re sure everyone’s thinking the same thing- you were in the woods that day. Oh shit, you were chased through the woods that day. Were you nearly the tragedy on TV?

Somehow, everyone comes to the same conclusion at the same time. They all look at Jupiter.

Jupiter notices the looks and barks a laugh. “Hah! Ya think it was me...? I haven’t killed a human in weeks.” You’re not sure if that’s a joke, but it doesn’t go over well regardless. He snorts and continues. “Hate to break it to you... but my bro and I were with you lot the entire day.”

Nobody’s convinced. Red jabs a finger at him. “Sure, but we left ya alone fer our little game in the woods, and it’s not like we were watching out while we was sleepin’. Who’s to say you didn’t wander off fer a little extra EXP?”

Jupiter is clearly offended. “I told ya then, pal. I don’t hunt for sport. My LV? Exclusively a product of preventing my bro and I from starving.”

“Come again?” Sans says. “What were you doing, eating the fallen humans?” 

Jupiter’s grin goes terse as Chess stares at the floor with a guilty look. Stretch takes a step towards you, putting himself between you and the ostracized brothers. “Back where we’re from we’ve got nothing but a famine. We eat what we can- shoes, bark, drywall, dust...” Jupiter makes eye contact with you. “And when you’re that hungry, anything’s on the menu... even humans.”

Nobody’s excited about this revelation. Everyone in the room has varying looks of disgust and horror on their faces. 

You have to admit, it’s hard to ignore. Jupiter and Chess have killed and eaten people... 

But they did it to survive. It was either them or the humans, and neither deserved the situation they were in. You do what you have to do, and you can’t exactly fault them for it. Humans in the same situation have done the same thing.

You shove past Stretch and take the few steps across the room towards Jupiter. He watches your approach with a wary grimace, shoulders stiff and phalanges twitching at his side. He clearly expects you to lash out, so you make sure to broadcast your movements as you close the distance and throw your arms around his neck. He somehow gets even stiffer in your embrace, and you rest your forehead on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m sure none of us can imagine the horrors you’ve had to endure.”

He hadn’t been expecting the hug, and he definitely hadn’t been expecting your words, judging by the absolutely flabbergasted look on his face when you pull back. You release him and move on to Chess. You only come up to his chest, but give him the best hug you can manage. He returns the embrace firmly (you can’t help but notice he’s shaking... a lot...), and you have to pat his back to get him to relax so you can breathe. 

“He just admitted to killing your own kind and you give them a hug?” Red says, aghast. “Really? Just like that?”

You release Chess and rest your hand on his back reassuringly. He covers his face with his hands and shudders. “Even humans have resorted to cannibalism in survival situations. They are victims, not murderers, and it’s pretty easy to tell the difference.”

“Oh yeah?” Black says. “How?”

“Jup, did you want those humans to die?” 

“Of course not,” he spits. “There was nothing else I could’ve done ‘cept die.”

“And I think we know Chess’ opinion on the matter.” Your sentence is punctuated by a choked sob. Even Black manages to look guilty after that. “I think we can safely say it wasn’t them, and it was probably just some evil human. They’ll get caught eventually.”

Not everyone is convinced, you know, but that’ll come with time. You pat Chess’ back one more time. “Are you okay?” 

He nods, but doesn’t say anything beyond sniffling. He still hasn’t emerged from behind his hands, and you allow him the privacy. 

“I can take it from here.” Jupiter not so subtly butts between you two, snagging his brother in a half-hug and pulling him towards the stairs. He casts you a look over his shoulder, then they turn the corner and are gone. 

There’s a tense silence.

Red breaks it by clearing his throat. “We coulda just checked ‘em and compared their stats to the first night.” 

Edge throws up his hands in exasperation. “Why didn’t you mention this earlier, then??”

“I wasn’t expecting him to just divulge their tragic backstory like that! Did you want to interrupt?”

You groan. “It doesn’t matter. They didn’t do it, and it’s not our business who did. Let’s just all move on with our days, okay?” Everyone disbands, but even you find it difficult to move on from what just happened. There’s a lot to unpack in this house, literally and figuratively, and you’re not sure you have the emotional availability to do it. 

Rus and Sans are fighting, Red and Sans have some weird rivalry going on, Jupiter and Chess probably have serious trauma they should likely seek professional help for, you’re still recovering from an illness... you groan again. You need some air. 

You step out onto the porch, and are surprised to find Sans there. You would’ve expected him to head up to his room.

“Oh, hey.” You say. You get a hum in response. You then remember what you had been talking about before the whole “murderer in the woods” debacle, and you purse your lips. You take a seat next to him.

He doesn’t say anything, so it’s up to you to take the initiative. Again.

“We need to talk, Sans.”

He sighs. Deeply. When he turns to look at you, you’re momentarily stunned by just how  _ tired _ he looks. “I know.”

“There’s a lot to cover.”

“I know.”

“Let’s start with the easy one, then.” You take a deep breath to steady yourself. You hate confrontation, but you need to get it out there. “ _ What the fuck is your problem with Rus?” _

Sans shrugs, but doesn’t meet your eyes. “I dunno. He just gets on my nerves.”

“Please elaborate.”

He sucks in a breath and leans back onto his hands. “He kinda reminds me of myself, I guess. He’s like me but taller. And cooler. It’s like looking into a distorted circus mirror.”

Huh. You could see some similarities, you supposed… but Rus seemed way more outgoing than Sans was. Judging by, ya know… a few factors. Your hand subconsciously comes up to your lips, and you quickly pretend you totally meant to do that and use the motion to brush your hand through your hair. “I see. Doesn’t mean you should be picking fights, though. We need to strive for peace in the house. There are so many people, we can’t afford having disputes all the time– we get enough of that from Jup and Black.”

Sans seems to shrink in on himself. “I know, I just… I dunno! He pushes my buttons. Somehow. Every time.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and turns away from you. “I’ll try and avoid him, I guess. Nothing I can do otherwise.”

You put your hand on his shoulder and try to catch his eyelights. “Sometimes people just don’t get along, I get it. We just need to–”

“Sup guys.” 

You look over your shoulder in surprise. Speak of the devil, you guess. Rus trots up at a leisurely pace, lit cigarette held in his sharp teeth. “Been lookin’ for ya, shortstop.” 

The flat look Sans gives you is simultaneously hilarious and heart-wrenching. 

“What do you need, Rus?” Sans gives him the most forced smile you’ve ever seen.

“Just lettin’ ya know the machine’ll be ready for testing in a couple weeks. Red made a breakthrough on it last night.”

Machine?

“What machine?” You ask. 

Sans blanches. “Uh.”

“They don’t know about the machine?” Rus asks. He gets a weird look on his face. “The machine that was in their basement?”

“There was a machine in my basement??” You have to wonder where it is now, since there isn’t a basement in the new house.

You’d never really gone down there; it was dark and musty and empty except for a few boxes, so when Sans had asked to use it for his workshop you’d agreed. But you’d paid equally no attention to what he’d been doing down there… Why are Rus and Red working on whatever it is?

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” You can’t help but feel that it’s  _ not _ nothing with how annoyed Sans is.

“Right. Hey, Rus, what’s the machine?” You stand up and level him with a serious look. 

“Uh.” He looks from you to Sans, then puts his hands up. “Sorry dude. The machine’s–”

You feel a hand snag the tail of your shirt, and suddenly your sense of gravity is flipped. You steady yourself in… Sans’ room. 

Sans gets up from the floor and dusts himself off. “Listen. I definitely need to tell ya, and I  _ will _ … but not right now. I need time, okay? I’m not great about divulging my secrets, and a lot has happened in the last couple weeks, and I can’t change that fast.” 

You frown. That’s all true… but… “It’s starting to feel like you’ve been keeping things from me since we met, Sans. I’m starting to wonder how much I actually know about you.” A mystery machine in your basement that  _ Rus and Red know about but not you… _

“I know, and I’m really sorry. I’ve wanted to tell you a lot! But…” He trails off, apologetic. “I just can’t, okay?” He turns away and takes a step. 

You reach out and snag his sleeve before he can shortcut away  _ again. _

“You’ll have to eventually. If you don’t, I’m going to have to re-evaluate some things about our relationship.” You’ve known each other for so long, you’ve told  _ him _ so many things about yourself… and sure, not everything. But the last couple of weeks have made you realize just  _ how much you don’t know _ about Sans, how secretive he is…

He pulls away. “I need time.” And with that, he’s gone.

You can’t help it. You storm into the kitchen, determined to make something delicious. You deserve it. You put up with so much. You stare into the pantry, uninspired. Okay, no baking then. You turn to the fridge. Mm. Still nothing. But you’re hungry, and not sure whose turn it is to cook, and you just– 

You’ll just order something. For yourself. If anyone else is hungry they can figure it out for themselves.

You pull out your phone to decide what kind of food to order, and it’s then that Jupiter and Chess walk in. You immediately realize you should probably at least get  _ them _ something to eat.

You clear their throat, catching their attention. 

“I was about to order,” you say, gesturing to your screen. “Did you want anything?” 

“...double the order of whatever you get,” Jupiter says, just as Chess says “We’re fine, I was about to make us lunch!” They share a look, Chess one of mild annoyance, Jupiter one of sheepish apology. 

“...I’ll just get some additional items, then.” You laugh lightly and let Chess pass. “What are you going to cook?” It suddenly dawns on you that maybe Chess requires  _ supervision _ while cooking, and you hover at the door. “Do you need any help?”

Chess laughs. “I’m not sure! I was going to let inspiration guide me today!” 

Hm. Sounds like supervision required. Or… you know what, you’re sure he can figure it out with Jupiter around. At the very least, you can get an idea of how Chess can cook without you, and whether you need to intervene in the future.

You take a step back, giving him the best smile you can manage. “Good luck! I’ll let you guys know when delivery’s here. If you want any of it, that is.”

“Thank you, but I think we’ll be alright.” Jupiter gives his brother a warm look. “And hey, thanks for sticking up for us earlier. Ya didn’t have to do that.”

“I kinda did.” You frown. “I’m not going to let them bully you because of what you went through. It was an ongoing traumatic event, not a killing spree.”

Jupiter hums. “Not a lotta people that would see it that way. But I appreciate it.”

“And myself as well.” It’s unusually seeing someone as excitable and bright as Chess speaking so solemnly. “I am incredibly grateful for your words earlier.”

“Anytime, guys. If they come after you again, just let me know. I’ll deal with it.” You get a thumbs up and a cheerful “will do!”. 

You head outside to order some food. It’s nice and sunny outside, it’s quiet, and you can figure out what you want to eat in peace. Chinese sounds pretty good, but you think you heard about a new Thai place in town that delivers in your area...

The sound of a snapping twig catches your attention, and you peek up from your phone to eye the treeline. Is there a deer? That’d be cool! You strain your vision for a moment, trying to figure out what you heard and– oh, it’s just Sans. He’s chilling at the edge of the forest, hands in his pockets. He must’ve gotten tired of being an annoyingly secretive bastard in the house and decided to be one in nature instead. Oh, and he must be  _ sulking _ if he’s got his hood up. You’ve only ever seen him with it up when he was being an edgy sad boy. Your argument must’ve done a number on him.

You sigh. You’re still recovering from illness and yet here you are, playing mediator all day. You deserve a break.

“Sans, if you’re going to be a pity-party grump you better do it in your room. I don’t need you bringing the mood down when you could just talk to me and solve the problem.”

He doesn’t respond, but his head tilts to the side. What, did he forget your conflict already?

“Are you ignoring me??”

Sans doesn’t move, but rapidly approaching footsteps call your attention away. You look over and catch sight of Chess booking it in your direction, Jupiter held under arm like a football. 

“I’ve figured out what to cook!” Chess announces, skidding to a stop. He sets Jupiter down. “Curry!! I have no idea what it is but the cookbook makes it look  _ amazing! _ ”

“We would like to have you for dinner,” Jupiter adds. You give him a flat look. “Not like that.”

“Okay, sure. I’ll eat it if it’ll be done in the next hour, how about that?” You turn back to the woods, but Sans is gone. You furrow your brows.

The skeletons follow your gaze. “Were you looking for something?” Chess asks.

“Yeah, I saw Sans over there. I want to give him a piece of my mind.” You take a steadying breath. “Sans, I swear to god if you’re avoiding me, I’ll–”

“I’m right here, no need to shout.” You look down, and sure enough Sans is right beside you. With Groucho Marx glasses on. And a nervous grin. 

You stare at him.

He stares back.

“So when’re you going to tell me about the machine?” 

Sans’ grin wavers.

Chess clears his throat. “I will see about dinner, then! Join me when you are ready!” And then he cartwheels away. Jupiter looks between you and Sans and shambles away at the laziest speed that could also be considered a speedwalk.

You sigh. “I’m serious. When are you going to talk to me? And can you take those stupid glasses off?? I’m trying to have a serious conversation.”

Sans startles. “Oh, right. Sorry. I was usin’ ‘em for a gag.” He does indeed take them off, and it’s revealed he’s got horribly drawn marker eyebrows. You barely restrain bark of laughter, furious at yourself for nearly succumb to his dumb joke. Serious talk! No laughing! 

Sans wiggles his brow bones, and the eyebrows wiggle with them. A chuckle sneaks past you, and soon enough you’re breaking down into laughter. You hate it, but it’s just so stupid. You’re still angry with him, but this is certainly making you feel better. 

It’s Sans that sobers first, stopping with the eyebrow hi-jinks and giving you a determined look. “I’m really sorry for keeping so much from you,” he says, “it’s unfair of me. I gotta do better and putting it off so much’ll only make things worse.”

“I appreciate that,” you snort. 

Sans nods. “I’ll tell you everything tonight.”

That surprises you. You’re unsure he’ll deliver, but optimistic he might. “Really?”

“8 o’clock. On the roof. I’m gonna explain everything.”

Given such specifics, you’re pleasantly surprised. You can feel a smile burst across your face. Sans is  _ trying! _ “Perfect. I’ll be there.” 

Sans winks, marker eyebrows scrunching up in a smug expression. “It’s a date.”

In a blink, he’s gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey sorry for the wait i was busy GRADUATING hell yeah i have a degree now
> 
> not featured: 
> 
> -Blue watch Rus and Sans fight while snacking on some popcorn. he shares with Jupiter  
> -Black watching the porch drama from his window. it’s better than his soap operas  
> -Chess and Papyrus putting together a 1000 piece puzzle, blissfully unaware of all the fighting

**Author's Note:**

> catch me @owl-bones on tumblr for art and chatting about skeletons  
> 


End file.
